A collection of short stories centering around a kid named Sammy and a few of his friends, not so good friends, and straight up enemies. It's 50% simple vibes, and 50% teenage angst.
I didn't know what I was doing when I wrote this, and a lot of the...
*from Sammy's back to school informational report. Published in his school's student publication*
A new school year has begun, and with it the decaying of our souls has accelerated tremendously. Although there is no way to save our lives from this soul sucking institution, here are some tips I have learned from my years of suffering.
My first back to school tip is very simple: give up all hope of happiness. Life in general is a depressing and ultimately excruciatingly horrible process. School only makes it worse and it's just easier if you have low expectations to start with. Give up your dreams and aspirations; the habit to procrastinate that you will develop in this institution will render those useless things in the future, capable of only instilling in you guilt and regret. If you are a first year student, congratulations; you will never again feel genuine joy, even if you are one of the lucky few who have ever experienced such a feeling.
Don't be yourself. Change who you are. Originality stands out in the standard school setting and will only draw attention to you. Although some innocent students might still hold to the childish belief that standing out is a good thing, those who have been in the system for longer than two days have realized the folly in such beliefs. I warn you against such innocent authenticity; it will do you more harm than good, as it will do you a guaranteed 100% harm and -50% good.
Reject all offers of friendship. They are fake, friends do not exist in school. School is a competitive survival game, in which many will pretend friendliness in order to learn your secrets and destroy you indefinitely. I would like to be able to assume most people know this hard truth, but unfortunately, many amateurs in the game of life are oblivious to the most relevant facts. Friends are a fantastical construct of the human imagination, much like true happiness, motivation, and the tooth fairy.
Don't do your best. Just as it is important to keep your own expectations low, so is it crucial to keep the expectations of others low. Strive to be average ( even a little below if you must) in all things including schoolwork, extracurricular activities, and participation. Strive to be the definition of Bleh. You are less likely to disappoint people if they don't expect you to succeed anyway. Succeeding is so difficult as to be functionally impossible; the only thing you can consistently succeed at is not succeeding. Although this may take some practice for those overachievers out there, you too can try less, I believe in you.
Remember that you will die one day and none of this will matter. If you forget this, you will likely go insane. Everything you do is temporary and pointless, so it's okay if your bad at it. This excruciating, mind-numbing pain is finite; one day you will be free from this trap and will no more have to deal with the daily ailments of existing. Whenever you find yourself grappling with the meaning of life, or you purpose in existence, remember that you will die no matter what you do, so it's not like any of that matters.
The end.
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