The adventures of Sad Sammy, and friends.

As Requested

A couple weeks ago I asked:

And one of you requested:

Which sounds cool, so here goes.

     The sand rose in puffs as the two combatants squared off in the moonlit bay. Crowds of concerned seagulls circled over head, squawking like ruffled church ladies, and groups of tech savvy sea snails streamed the whole kerfuffle on various social media platforms. Gunshots rang out, periodically breaking through the overall clamor. This was a fight for honor, this was a fight for vengeance, this was a fight for family, and both contestants had put everything on the line.

     "I WILL END YOU MORTAL. JUST YOU WAIT; I WILL DEFEAT YOU!!!"

     "yOU WILL NEVER COME CLOSE TO MY LEVEL OF POWER YOU DEGENERATE LANDLUBBER." Such was the parley between the two participants. Finally the second landed a shot on the first, and the tumult was silenced for a moment.

     It was a strange scene: a young woman dressed all in black, clutching a conspicuously clean bullet wound, and standing above her a thin pointy nosed shark with a Welrod in held in each fin.

     "Looks as if I have defeated you, you land-bound dishrag. Now I will destroy you and finally avenge my grandfather's death."

     "I would never die at the fins of an ugly minnow such as yourself. And besides, it is MY grandfather's death that must be avenged." With that, the young woman spat at the shark's feet and rolled into a standing position. "You may have disarmed me, but unfortunately for you, I still have arms, which you, pathetic sea-slug, DO NOT! HAHA!" She smacked the guns out of the sharks fins, and commenced hitting it wildly as if she was swatting at bees.

     The shark could not stand this offence to her honor and so began bobbing her head up and down so as to hit the woman with her long snout, while simultaneously waving her fins much as a Tyrannosaurus Rex waves its hands while trying to reach a cookie jar on the top shelf. "I AM IN NO NEED OF WEAKLING ARMS WHEN I HAVE DEFENSES SUCH AS THIS, BLOODSUCKING FIEND!!" And with a great swing of her head she knocked the vampire (for the young woman was indeed a vampire) across the dunes.

     The woman did not stay down for long, and was just rising to her feet with her furry rekindle hotter than ever when a blindingly bright light burst through the bay, knocking both her and the shark of their respective feet.

     A loud voice cried out from the center of the light: "STOP THIS IMPUDENCE IMMEDIATELY PEASANTS! IT IS I, MACARENA THE MAGNIFICENT, BRINGER OF PEACE AND HIGH SPARKLE OF THE GREAT BLESSING COUNCIL, AND I AM HERE TO BRING PEACE AND SPARKLE." The speaker had proclaimed himself correctly, for he was indeed the esteemed Unicorn Macarena the Magnificent, Bringer of Peace and High Sparkle of the Great Blessing Council, and the last part of his declaration was already coming to pass, as he was sparkling most greatly. The shark and woman coward in his radiance, both being extremely sensitive to light, and also because that was the proper pose to strike whenever in the presence of Macarena the Magnificent, Bringer of Peace and High Sparkle of the Great Blessing Council.

      "As I am already sparkling, I turn my magnificent attention to the other matter of business: bringing peace." Here he paused magnificently and surveyed his prostrate subjects. "It has come to my most magnificent notice, that you two peasants have been disturbing the peace and fighting a most distasteful war over you family honor. Is this true?!?!?!?"

      "Y-yes m-Macarena the Magnificent, Bringer of Peace and High Sparkle of the Great Blessing Council"

      "SILENCE! I was asking a rhetorical question. Of course it is true, for I only speak truths," he flipped his mane and pranced around in indignation. "The point is that your war is completely pointless and most un-magnificent. Neither of you have any family honor to defend, and EVEN IF YOU DID, there would be no need to defend it. For you see, you believe that your grandfathers killed each other most indecently and thus cast dishonor upon your families. However, this is incorrect. Your grandfathers, miserable peasants though they were, had a magnificent friendship, and were not killed by each other but by the wretched light demon in the sky. Thus, it is no longer appropriate, although truly it never was appropriate, for you to fight each other in such manner. If you TRULY want to defend your respective family's honor, than you most band together to defeat the light demon who wretchedly killed your grandfathers."

      "B-BAND TOGETHER??? WITH A BLOODSUCKING VILLAIN??? NEVER IN A SEVEN SEA!"

      "Do not be so quick to judge little goblin. Are you not yourself known as a Vampire Shark? And besides you are both peasants, your differences are not so magnificent as to be worth disputing at this point. Farewell peasants, but be warned, IF YOU EVER DISTURB THE PEACE AGAIN I SHALL BE MOVED TO SPARKLE SO MAGNIFICENTLY THAT EVEN THE WRETCHED LIGHT DEMON IN THE SKY COULD NOT DESTROY YOU AS I WILL!!!" With a magnificent twirl, he sprayed sand into the previously-combatants faces, and Macarena the Magnificent, Bringer of Peace and High Sparkle of the Great Blessing Council was vanished into glitter.

The end

(for now)

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     Thank you for your suggestion. If you have any other cReAtIvE cOnTeNt ideas then let me know in the comments! Or don't or whatever, idk.