Bangtan's Crimson Princesses | BTS AU/FF ✓

Chapter 36

Chapter 36: Resting Place

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Hoseok’s POV
Three months later…

My grip unconsciously tightened around the leather steering wheel of my car, the blood flow decreasing from my hands where they began to turn white like a fresh sheet of paper. The quiet hum of the vehicle’s engine did nothing to calm my nerves- at this point, I didn’t think anything could. The silent air circulating through my car’s interior was absolutely suffocating- it was unbearably thick with uncomfortable intensity. Breathing comfortably was out of the question as well, it was just so difficult to exhale and inhale with ease. Right now, I was forcing myself to breathe, and let me tell you it isn’t easy. With all of my efforts, I attempted to relax my tense body, but nothing worked; it was nearly impossible, given the fact that the source was sitting right beside me.

With a quick glance to the corner of my eye, I silently watched as Namjoon kept his entire body against the passenger side door, his head leaning against the window. Since the beginning of the journey, he’s remained in that spot, unmoving like a tossed ragdoll. Even from this close, I could see that his black eyes were void of any life, it was like his soul was sucked right out of his body. He didn’t bother to hold onto the bouquets of flowers we bought early properly, instead, they rested at his feet in the foot space.

In a way, I'm relieved that I was able to drag Namjoon out of his stuffy old office. For the past two and a half months, he’s locked himself away inside that room, keeping human contact to a bare minimum. Not once in the past month, have I seen him come down into the dining room for a full meal, much less leave the isolation of his workroom. Even when I dragged him out of the chair and into the seat of my car, he didn’t say anything or give me one ounce of acknowledgement. I had to put his seat belt on for him for fuck's sake! He wouldn’t even come into the flower shop with me to choose flowers!

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love the guy to bits, but seeing him like this, it makes my blood boil. He’s the only one who’s lost hope, the others and I are still hoping for the best. I absolutely hate seeing him like this; he’s been my best friend since childhood, I have been trying my best to lift his spirits, but he’s too damn stubborn to let the light into his heart. I’ve been holding back on going off on him, but if this continues any longer, I will have no choice but to. Namjoon is the leader of the mafia, he can’t continue down this path any longer. If I have to, then I will force Namjoon to step down- Robyn is becoming more and more of a threat and our safety is at risk.

Pinching the bridge of my nose, I turned left onto the cemetery grounds. There were other people here visiting their loved ones, Namjoon and I were no different. Though from the looks of things, he was indifferent even as I stopped by the resting place of the Kim’s. Clenching my jaw for the hundredth time, I gave him an angry glare before reaching for the flower bouquets. To my surprise, Namjoon beat me to it- he finally moved in his seat, he pulled the flowers into his arms before unbuckling his seatbelt and stepping out of the car.

Finally…

I got out of the car slammed the door shut before running after him. I stepped into pace with him, keeping my mouth shut. While I was a bit pissed off with his attitude earlier, it was good to see that he still had some life in him. I can’t begin to imagine how he must feel right now- the last he was here, it wasn’t too good. The visit led to a life-changing accident, and it was responsible for Namjoon’s current state of mind. Namjoon remained quiet as he placed the bouquets on his family’s gravestones before stepping back to pray. I followed his leads putting my hands together to pray as well.

As I opened my eyes, I heard and saw Namjoon take a seat on the grass beside me. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for him to take a few minutes to talk with his family, I’ve seen him do it many times before. I remained by his side for a few more seconds before leaving him to his own mind. He needed some alone time with his family and without question, I gave him his space. Hopefully, that will help him come to terms with the situation at hand.

As I made my way back to my car, I shoved my hands into my pockets. With a light huff, I looked up towards the bright blue sky, watching a few small clouds migrate slowly. Things have been very different since the bus crash that happened three months ago, but our wounds are slowly healing. While our minds still held the memories of the accident, we’ve stepped onto a new path and resumed our uphill battle against Robyn Alistair. From time to time, we still think about it and take the time to pay our respects.

Once I made it back to my car, I slid back into the driver’s seat and leaned into the backrest. While we’ve looked towards brighter days, the amount of work that has been piling on our shoulders is heavy. Robyn has been making move after move, each one becoming more and more devastating. What’s worse is that the catalyst of his attacks was the bus crash itself- he took us down so suddenly, it opened a path for him to ambush us on all fronts. We’ve taken heavy damage, and we’re struggling to build our defences back up. We’ve been working around the clock nonstop just to protect our weapons and ammunition shipments from abroad. If we don’t do something soon, we’re going to lose this battle.

I reached for the glove box in the passenger’s side and rummaged around for an old photo that was taken a few weeks before the bus crash. Everyone was in the photo- Bangtan, EXO, Got7, Stray Kids and Crimson. I remember that was the day where everyone except Sae-Young and Namjoon- got drunk and most of us collapsed onto the floor and slept there. We all woke up with a major hangover and the Kim siblings were fed up with us. A sad smile tugged on my lips, and I sighed.

Namjoon suddenly got back into the car, startling me as I heard his voice for the first time in a long time.
“What are you looking at?” he asked in a monotone voice.
I looked towards him and noticed his eyes were slightly red and he had dried tear tracks on his puffy cheeks.
“Just this…” I answered quietly, handing him the photo.

He took the photo into his hands and stared silently at it. I watched with a softened gaze as a small grin sparked up on his lips. Eventually, he put the picture back into the glove compartment and leaned back into his seat. An uncomfortable silence began to circulate through the car’s air, and I bit my lip once again.

I shoved my key into the ignition and turned the car back on. The quiet hum of the engine came back to life and light vibrations reverberated throughout the vehicle. Before I could shift the gear into drive, Namjoon spoke once again, this time his voice a little more… lively.

“I’m sorry for my… behaviour these past few months,” he confessed. “I have no excuses, nor will I make any. I haven’t been there when any of you needed me, and I apologize.”

The moment those words reached my ears, I felt all of the weight on my shoulders be lifted. After months of him isolating himself, denying any visits or consolation from me or the others, just hearing him admit that his attitude was deplorable was a breath of fresh air. More than anything, we need him, not just because he was our leader. Namjoon was a father figure to all of us, he brought us all together and we need him now more than ever.

“Namjoon, you have no idea how long we’ve been waiting for you to open up to us,” I said with relief while turning to him.
“I’m sorry, I really am Hoseok,” Namjoon added remorsefully.
“We all understand Namjoon, it’s been incredibly difficult for you,” I shook my head, steadily stepping on the gas. “But you have to remember that this affects all of us, we all need to stand by each other’s side to get through this. So please, stop trying to shoulder this burden alone. We’re a family for a reason.”

Namjoon nodded before running his hand through his hair. His gaze softened as we pulled out onto the main road, and passed by the sight of the bus crash.

“It’s been a while, but we have one more stop.”