"A Journey Through The Eyes of A Poet"

Panic Attack

Sadness courses through my body,

like seeping hydrogen

between the rocks of a man made river.

Tears come and go like the waxing and waning

of the moon.

And there you are.

Silent.

Still.

Afraid.

You don't know what to do,

so you call me irrational, and say this is all my fault.

Nothing makes sense,

and you just stay in your corner,

but here I am,

alone

unhappy,

and afraid.

Every day,

I make an excuse,

why I can't go out

and you call me lazy,

and I sit and cry,

you tell me how horrible I am.,

how I'm not fun,

but you don't understand,

and you never will.

So you pack your bags

and you tell me you're leaving

and then you're gone.

I hear the front door slam,

and for once I'm not upset,

I'm not afraid

but tears still far from my face.

like raindrops falling heavy from a leaf,

after a long hard thunderstorm.

But I brush myself off,

and walk into the bathroom.

I stare at myself in the mirror.

"Why are you like this?" I ask myself.

and my reflection just stands and stares.

I watch my reflection for only a moment

before falling to my knees,

tears streaming from my face.

I can't think straight and my breath feels like it's being pulled,

unwillingly from my lungs

I curl up into a ball,

I curse, and shake as I sob

liquid defeat, combined with my snot melt together,

and I cannot tell which is which, anymore.

He left.

I needed him.

But I was borning.

I wasn't enough,

This was all my fault,

I didn't ask for this.

I didn't plan to be this way.

I'm sorry is never enough,

I'm sorry was never enough.