Roller coaster [m.c] book 1

30 ☹ sweater

September 2nd
Michael's POV
I can't eat.
I can't sleep.
All I can do is cry.
My sunshine. The one how makes me happy, wants me to die. Wants me to stop living.
"Michael please get up and do something! it's been weeks!" Ashton said tugging on the blanket that was covering me. "Michael, get up. You have to go to the studio." Said Calum as I sighed getting up from the bed that I've been hibernating in for days. "Okay, let's go." I said walking out the front door putting a cigarette in between my lips. Now, I smoke in front of them all. They all know now that I smoke. It's the only thing to keep my calm. "Michael, you need to chill on the cigarettes. That's your 5th one today." Calum pointed out.
"So?" I replied putting the cigarette in between my two fingers, and blowing the smoke out of my mouth. "It's only 3." I shrugged not caring what he says. I've given up caring on anything. I've giving up my appearance, I've given up trying to hid the pain I have, I've given up hiding my scars. I've just simply, given up.
"Michael please, Eileen is just-"
"Don't you fucking dare say her name, okay Ashton?" I yelled sternly at Ashton from the back seat. "She is the reason why I have finally given up. Enjoy your last days with my boys, I am finally leaving." I said to them.
"No you're not." Said luke quietly.
"Yes, I am. I am doing what she wants. She wants me to die, that princess will have me dead." I said as I put my almost empty pack of cigarettes on the side of the car.
I walk out of the car with all the boys sadly walk behind me. My scars are flowing freely from my arms, thankfully from my tank top. The scars were the deepest I have ever done. But I don't care. At all. I'm going to be dead soon anyways.
"Michael, will you please at least put on a sweater or something?" Luke said to me. I look at him with my eyes with pain. I look at my forearm, and looked back at him. "Are you embarrassed to me seen with me because of my scars?"
"Do you want the truth?" I nodded and he sighed. "Yes, I'm embarrassed. I'm embarrassed of you smoking, I'm embarrassed of your little speech about how you're going to die soon, and I'm embarrassed of your arms because it's disgusting." I look at Luke with tears in my eyes. "Michael, I'm done with your sadness. I'm done with all your suicide attempts, and the hospital bills, and the medicine payment, and everything else. You know how embarrassing it is to have a friend like you? it's so embarrassing. Having you say 'I'm not hungry' every time we go out, it whenever I offer food makes me feel so embarrassed. Maybe you should take Eileen's favor and drop dead." Luke confessed, but by now all I could see is a blurry picture of him.
"Okay," I said with a lump in my throat. "I'll put on a sweater."
hemmobro96 this is all your fault you told me to update