11 - Not today

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Beep. Beep. Beep.

I sigh and look at Ben in the hospital bed in front of me, then at my hands. Beep. Beep. Beep. The constant sound drives me crazy, the beeping reminds me that it's my fault.

My fault that Ben is laying there. My best friend, in a hospital bed because of me. I must be a bad friend. Why did I have to go out? We wouldn't be here but I had to go out. Why? And why did it end like that?

I feel a tear running down my check and quickly wipe it away. I can't cry now. Not in front of Wayne who has been watching me all day long. I have to be strong!

I take a glance at Wayne and see that his eyes are still resting at Bens body. He's been unconscious since we brought him here. As soon as he got here they brought him into surgery. He's been out for a few hours now. I realize that I don't even know how long it's been.

I look at my clock, trying to ignore the blood on my shirt and hands. 5 pm. We've been here for more than fifteen hours. From one second to another, I get tired, I haven't slept in more than 24 hours. But I can't sleep now anyway, I have to be here for Ben!

Suddenly, the door opens. A couple runs in, Ben's parents.

"Oh god," His mom says as she sees Ben and starts to cry.

His father looks at Ben for a second, then turns around to face Wayne and me. His face is completely pale and his voice isn't more than a whisper as he asks: "What happened?"

Wayne clears his throat. "We were walking around, Ben said he knew a shortcut. There were two guys, they...they wanted to rob us, but...uhm...Ben didn't let them and...and then one of them pulled a knife out..."

"Why were you out there anyways?" His father asks now with a stern voice and stares at me.

"We've been studying all day, I thought it would be a good idea to get some fresh air," I answer truthfully.

"YOU THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA?" Ben's father is nearly shouting now. Then he points at the door. "Go! I don't want to see you here. Ben wouldn't be here without you! Leave now!"

"Please sir...," Wayne tries to change his mind, but I interrupt him.

"No, don't. It's probably a good idea. You stay here, inform me if anything happens, okay?"

He looks like he wants to say something, but then he nods. "Okay, but be careful!"

...

Here I stand. Not even 24 hours ago, I showed Ben and Wayne this place. But today, I don't see the beauty of it, I see the opportunity. If it would work? If the bridge is high enough?

I sit on the parapet as I hear a voice. I close my eyes. Why today?

"Platz?! What are you doing?"

I turn around to see Dan running towards me, a few people are staring at us, but I don't care, I'm not going to be on this earth for long anymore.

"What does it look like?" I answer Dan, who is still about ten feet away from me. "Stop walking or I'll jump!" I don't want him to get to close he could stop me from doing it.

Dan stops about two meters away from me and just stares at me. I notice the guitar on his back and as I look closer I can see a bruise around his cheekbone. "What happened?" I ask him.

"That's what I should ask!" He replies worriedly. "What happened Platz? Why do you want to do that?"

"Why should I tell you? You're not going to change my opinion!"

"Because I want to understand why my friend wants to take his life. Just talk to me please," he begs.

I sigh. "Ben is in hospital because of me, he got stabbed...he...he...," I try to hold back the tears coming out of my eyes.

"What did the doctors say?" Dan asks and I can hear the shock in his voice.

"They said he is stable, but...he wouldn't be there without me. Don't you understand? It's my fault! He could've died!" I shout the last sentence and make Dan flinch a bit.

"Platz, wait listen to me. He is stable okay? That means he is going to be alright! He'll wake up and ask where you are because he would want you at his side! He is not going to die! You can't take your life because Ben is going to be alright and then he will hear that you've committed suicide and he will blame himself! Don't do it, Platz!"

While he was talking, he slowly walked closer, now he is right next to me. I break into sobs and let myself fall against Dan. He wraps his arms around me and carefully sits me on the ground. I can hear applause as he sits down next to me, still hugging me.

We remain like that for what seems like hours, after a while I sit up and lean back, trying to wipe the tears away that are still coming out of my eyes. But they won't stop falling.

I can feel Dan moving and try to concentrate on him. He takes his guitar and starts to play, after a few seconds he starts singing:


There she goes in front of me
Take my life and set me free again
We'll make a memory out of it
Holy road is at my back
Don't look on, take me back again
We'll make a memory out of it
We finally fall apart and we break each other's hearts
If we wanna live young, love, we better start today
. It's gotta get easier, oh easier somehow
'Cause I'm falling, I'm falling
Oh easier and easier somehow
Oh I'm calling, I'm calling
And it isn't over unless it is over
I don't wanna wait for that
It's gotta get easier and easier somehow
But not today
Not today

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Thanks for reading everyone! Please vote and comment if you like it. I love you all! See ya...



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