Lost Cause [Imagine Dragons Fanfic]

18 - Panic attack

Dan:

I just lay down and center all my thoughts and all my feelings. A lot has been going on lately, my life's going better than ever and I think this is going to last.

I close my eyes, but I'm not able to sleep yet. Everythings different which makes my anxiety level shoot up, even though I know I'm safe. I feel the soft sheets and the really comfortable mattress. Mary was concerned that I wasn't okay with sleeping on it, but she doesn't know that it's way more comfortable than what I'm usually sleeping again.

I get lost in my thoughts once again and only snap out of it because of Platz. He is moving pretty much, which by itself could be normal, but after a while, he starts whimpering. At first, they're only quiet and short, but they're getting louder with every minute.

I sit up to look at him. I don't know if I should wake him up or just let him be. I know how horrific nightmares can get, but I also know that I don't want to talk about them. I also don't know how he is going to react when I wake him.

Suddenly, he starts screaming. I jump up and jolt him at his shoulder. I don't want his parents to come in for sure. God knows what they're going to think when he is screaming in his sleep. Just a few seconds later, he opens his eyes and stares at me.

I back of, to give him time and place to remember where he is and so I don't scare him even more. After a few seconds, where Platz is gasping for air and sitting up, he calmed down a bit and looks at his hands. He is embarrassed because I had to wake him up from a nightmare!

While he is nervously playing with his fingers, clearly searching for the right words, I sigh and sit down next to him. I make sure to leave some space between us, you never know if a person wants to be touched because you don't know what the person dreamed.

"You know," I start off, not looking at him either, but just facing the wall. "I'm having nightmares pretty often too. They can be really vivid and sometimes I can't tell nightmares and real life apart. But it's okay to be scared sometimes and you don't have to be embarrassed about it!"

I give him a few seconds and watch him out of the corner of my eye. He is still playing with his fingers and not looking at me.

"You know, I'm mostly dreaming about bad things that have happened in my life and boy there have been a lot. And sometimes it seems like dreams don't make sense, but I think that everything happens because of a reason and that your dreams are actually your brain trying to process something that has happened to you."

"But I had a great life, nothing ever happened to me, except for Ben getting stabbed, but the dream doesn't have anything to do with that!"

"How do you know?"

"Because the nightmares started before the incident with Ben happened. I've had trouble sleeping for such a long time now. But I don't know why, because I have a freaking amazing life. I have a great family, amazing friends, enough money. I'm happy, Dan!"

He scoots closer and leans his head against his chest. For a split second, I want to jump back, bad memories flashing up before my eyes. But it's just Platz and I have to be here for him right now! He is my friend! It's okay for him to rest his head there. I just need to calm down and help him fighting through his demons like someone else should help me.

Although I've tried not to, I'm sure I recoil just a little bit. And judging by Platz, who is sitting up and looking at me with a concerned look, I guess he noticed it too. I'm breathing faster and louder because I want to keep myself from panicking, but it's not working. The flashbacks in front of my eyes are getting more and more and I don't know what to do.

"Listen to my voice, Dan! Close your eyes!" Platz starts talking in a slow and soothing voice and I do what he wants, hoping that it will get better.

"You're experiencing a panic attack, that's okay. Just try to focus on your breathing for a second. Breathe in...And now breath out. And again, come on buddy, you can do it!"

I try to do what he wants, but it doesn't help. The pictures are still there. I feel like back in the situation. The hands are on my body again...

"Okay, okay. Let's try something else. Just concentrate on my voice. Think about the one time you were stopping me from killing myself at the bridge. Can you do that?"

He waits a few seconds and then goes on: "And now, try to remember the weather. Was it cold? Did it rain?... Remember the people around us. How many are there? 10? 2o? And now focus on me. What did you tell me? What song were you playing? How did you feel at that moment?"

I do exactly as he tells me to and after a few seconds, my breathing normalizes again. It seems like I'm getting more air in my lungs and the pictures disappear. I slowly open my eyes again and look at Platz.

"It's okay!" He whispers and sits down next to me again. This time, he leaves some space between us. But I want to feel safe again. I soot closer and lean against his side. He puts his arm around my shoulder and gives me a side hug.

Just a couple of moments later, I can feel my eyes getting heavier and I slowly drift off to sleep...

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