A Complex Journey (Completed)

Tests

It had been a month and Ely hardly went to his apartment. He was mostly at Darwin's. Therapy was going fine. Darwin wasn't as shocked about the things they talked about. He loved learning more about Ely. He looked forward to sessions. He wrote down questions for Denise every week.

Denise watched the boys. "So, today we are talking about the suicide attempt. We are going to get it out in the open. It may open some wounds. Are you ready for that?"

Darwin nodded. "I am. I want to get it behind us. I'm sick of it."

Ely smiled. "Me too."

Denise watched them. "Darwin, do you worry that Ely would ever do it again?"

"No." Darwin was sure.

"Even if you broke up and his dad got sick and died." She paused. "These are just examples, I don't wish anything on anyone."

Darwin nodded. "Uh, I don't know. I have that fear, I guess. If things weren't great? If everything was shit like before, I don't know."

"Okay. That was a good honest answer. Ely?" Denise knew he knew what questions she was going to ask.

"I wouldn't! I don't want my dad to die but one day it will happen. I understand that is life. Death is part of it. I also know there is a high possibility that Darwin will break up with me...maybe. I said possibility not definite." He glared at Darwin. "I don't want to die."

"Good." Denise smiled. "Are you sure?"

Ely nodded. "I am. I have a lot to live for. I have my job, I help people. I have my partner, Eragon. I have Dennis and Hillary, Raiden and Alexis. I have Darwin and therapy every week."

Denise watched Ely. "What if you lost your job, you family moved away and Darwin broke up with you? What if you didn't have everything?"

Ely closed his eyes and took a breath. "Uh, Right. It's not suicide worthy! I could call my family and talk to them. If Darwin and I could still find a way to talk, I could handle our break up. I have to admit, that part does freak me out. I never want to lose Darwin. Ever. I'm afraid I would handle that loss badly, but not with suicide. Okay?"

Ely paused and looked at Darwin. "I could find a new job. Even just customer service would work. Stock shelves somewhere. I could control a job. I would be fine. My biggest worry is Darwin, if I was honest." Ely inhaled. "I didn't realize what not talking to you all those years really did to me!"

Darwin watched Ely. "What do you mean?"

"I mean my nightmares. Since we started talking, mine have stopped. I think all of that was my fear of really losing you. You are part of me." Ely watched Darwin.

Darwin sighed. "I noticed. When we started talking, my nightmares stopped too. I don't worry so much that you will kill yourself again. I have had that thought though."

"Darwin, do you worry that you will stay with Ely or he will kill himself?" Denise was throwing that out there.

Darwin stared. He closed his eyes for a minute. "I hadn't thought of that but I do now! I think that would be a fear." He opened his eyes. "I don't panic anymore. I will wonder that in my head, now." He looked at Ely, in his pretty blue eyes. "I think that if I broke up, you would kill yourself."

Ely shook his head. "No! I'm...I learned a lot from last time. I never want to hurt you, Darwin. Killing myself would hurt you! I am not who I was. I may find some fool to control for the night but I wouldn't kill myself. I would miss you though. I would never recover fully but I would have to let you go." Ely watched Darwin. "I just want you to be happy and if me leaving you alone made you happy, I could do it."