secret keepers | joshler.

quarante-neuf.

It wasn't a nightmare. It was a real life nightmare.

I am sorry Mr. Joseph. It seems, due to the medication you received after your car crash, there was a unwanted chemical reaction that seems to have made your testosterone null. For however long you have been taking your medication and the testosterone shots together, you have actually been countering the effects testosterone is supposed to have on your body. Due to this countering and your sexual activity with your partner, you are with child.

Tyler had wanted to scream. Taking T should have removed the risk for pregnancy and the fucking doctors at the hospital should have known the possible effects that could have taken place mixing that type of medicine with his testosterone! The doctor he had seen to confirm this nightmare had said that it was grounds for a lawsuit. It was not worth it. It would not change the fact that Tyler was a boy and he was pregnant with his boyfriend's child.

And yet, the doctor had been quick to give Tyler his options after seeing the distraught look on his face, he did not want to get rid of it. It was a baby and was half of Josh and Tyler would never live with himself if he did not let Josh have a choice in the matter. Sure it was his body, but It was also Josh's child. Olivia's sibling.

The doctor had also given him instructions of what to do if he planned to carry this baby. The first had been to stop with the testosterone. The doctor had been surprised that the fetus made it this long without his pain medication countering the shots' effects, but Tyler had simply said that their daddy was stubborn as well and the doctor had let out a soft laugh. She was nice, Tyler decided.

He also left the appointment with a picture of the grey blob within him, given a conceived estimate of three months ago, but Tyler knew exactly when it was. The night that Tyler had given Josh a bath and they made love. They were stupid and did not use a condom. They were so careless.

Tyler kept the picture tucked in the glove department of his car, a place that Josh would never go and drove him attempting not to cry. He managed to keep it together until later that night when he stood in front of the mirror in their bathroom. It was the first time he had looked at his body without a shirt, the tan man standing in a simple pair of boxer boxers. His tattoos and scars were on display, but his eyes were only on his stomach.

He prodded his fingers around the bulge of his stomach, convinced that he could feel the baby within him. Jeez, if you had told him at seventeen that he would be pregnant at twenty-eight, he would laughed in your face and said that he was a boy. And here he was, imagining how it would look so see his beautiful boyfriend cradling a baby with curly dark brown hair and the same honey hazel eyes that the own holding them had. A baby that looked like how Olivia's baby pictures looked. A baby that would never no abuse like their daughter knew. Tyler was lost in his thoughts and jumped when strong arms wrapped around him.

Josh's hands cradled the bump as well, not with the same tenderness that Tyler touched, but Tyler let himself imagine that Josh knew that he wanted to cradle their baby through Tyler's stomach. Tyler knew that Josh was bisexual, but he had resigned himself to adoption with Tyler since the brunet had been unsure about the options he had. Josh was happy with adoption if Tyler chose that option. Tears stung his eyes and he quickly ducked his head so Josh couldn't see, but kept his eyes on Josh's calloused fingers on his tummy. If only.

"You are not fat honey, you are gorgeous and glowing," Tyler wanted to laugh bitterly, but he held himself back and let his hands rest over Josh's. He was so scared. Scared of the child within him and the man holding him. Afraid of what Josh would think. Tyler turned after a few minutes, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend and pressing their lips together gently. The kiss was salty and wet, but Josh just rubbed Tyler's hips. He had gotten used to his boyfriend crying since he came home a few days ago to his family cuddled together in their bed.

"I love you so much, no matter what," Tyler whispered, a sense of finality to his voice that made Josh furrow his eyebrows and his anxiety rise, but he replied without fail.

"I love you no matter what too Ty." The younger truly hoped he meant it.

813. un.