too much to ask

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song: too much to ask by Niall Horan

Dear Kaycee,

               Oh wow, that was an original way to start, am I right? gosh, I shouldn't be writing this and who writes letters nowadays, anyway? — guess I still remember how you used to love vintage things... I know I shouldn't be writing to you right now, for your own good and mine, so I wanted to apologize in advance for the fact that I'm.

I'm waiting here for someone, I'm sitting in a coffee shop, waiting for this someone my friend is trying to set me up with and everything was fine, I had finally convinced my brain and my heart that it was time to move on, but then the guy playing guitar started to play your favorite song.

You know which one I'm talking about, right? that one you liked to hear in the mornings while I was doing breakfast, that one that would play in the speakers and you would go around dancing bare feet with only one of my shirts on, do you remember? cause I do.

I thought I didn't but then the melody started to fill the place and suddenly I was right back in one of our mornings, forgetting you're not here when I close my eyes — the pancakes are burning but I don't care because we are dancing, you smile back at me and your face lit up the sun.

Why's it only you, I'm thinking of?  I mean, why you keep appearing in my mind as if you own the place? Who gave you the right to mess with me still, after so much time? When do you intend to leave? I have been trying so hard to get you out of my system but it seems that you became my system and there's no way I get to live without you anymore because even though you're not here somehow you still as present as if you were right by my side. And every time I think I'm forgetting you, every time my heart is hoping, you swipe right back into my brain in the form of a memory that fights my tries of getting over you.

Only yesterday we were on the run, changing the world one dance at a time, now I'm waiting here for someone and I can't remember what went wrong for me to be here and you to be there, so far away, living your life as if we weren't supposed to be forever as once we promised to be.

And it's a shot in the dark but I got to ask: do you still think of me sometimes? Do you still think about us? And when you do — in case you do — doesn't it feel fucked up we're not in love? Cause for me it feels, Kayc.  It feels wrong that I'm here waiting to go on a date with someone else when I know deep within my bones that we should be doing this "life thing" together, it feels wrong when I acknowledge that it should be me and you.

'Cause if I'm being honest I ain't over you yet if everything I wrote up until now hasn't made that clear already. Gosh, maybe we rushed things, maybe we weren't strong enough to handle ourselves, each other, and the world but I would do everything again because I miss all of the things that were us, despite the bad things and the sad moments. After all, and now, my life isn't miserable right now, I can survive without you but I simply don't want to because when I have you it's like having the sun coming up at every second of every day.

You're the sunrise, the sunset, and the rainbows in my life and with you, I'm alive and that's so much better than surviving.

And right now, without my son, my shadow's dancing Without you for the first time and I don't like it — I don't like being forced to dance my life without my partner.

It is crazy to question all of those things when I know you never gonna answer me but if you were to, then, forget everything that I asked up until now and answer me this yes or no question: Tell me, there are things that you regret? — that's all I'm asking, is it too much to ask?

with love, Sean








Kaycee took a deep breath as her eyes read the last phrase in the paper and her mind wondered about the question, as it has been ever since she received the letter — the cab stopped the car and she faced the outside with relief as she saw the place she spent most of her days or at least the happiest of them.

The driver helped her to get her things out of the car's trunk before going away and then there she was, alone in front of the building with her suitcase in one hand and the letter in the other — an old man was living the place and she used as an opportunity to walk into it, she entered the elevator pressing six and waited for the arrival.

She left the elevator to complete silence, as she walked down the hall the only things she heard where the thoughts in her mind and the noise of her suitcase's wheels against the wooden floor — until she was in front of the door.

It was now or never and she wasn't going to chicken out so she held her breath and only let it out once she pressed the doorbell — the next seconds whereas terrifying as drowning, not that she would know how drowning felt like but she figured it was the same anguish and lack of air in the lungs as she was feeling.

As the door opened and those pair of eyes just keep staring at her in surprise, she decided it was her time to say something — but she didn't, instead, she let go of the paper in her hand and the suitcase's handle and jumped into his arms.

Taking him by surprise, she held his face in between her hands and collapsed her lips into his as she finally breathed in all the air it was missing in her lugs, taking him last than a second to kiss her back and to have his arms around her — even being a rushed move it was still a calm and soft kiss.





She broke away from their kiss, putting their foreheads together as she examined his face and he kept his eyes closed but had a smile on his lips. She whispered: "Yes, I regret not writing to you first."


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