if only | ha yoonbin

21

Dain's POV

I saw Jaera from afar and a smirk spread across my face. I ran up from behind and Boo! I scared her. She looked at me weirdly, " What. " She said.

Since it's tie day, we took out our ties and wore it.

I saw Yoonbin and Hyunsuk walked towards us. His eyes landed on me and they walked to the other table located at the other side of the cafeteria.

I acted as if I didn't notice and walked up to the hall where I was asked to sit at the front since many girls aren't here today.

It was accounting lesson and we went to class. I was doing my work when the guy who's really close to
them, started screaming into the class.

Do you guys remember the guy that I told y'all about? The one where he asked me to pay him a dollar for every hand out he gives? Yeah him.

Anyways, he was screaming Yoonbin's name and making some weird sound. " What did he say? " Hyunsuk asked and Yoonbin said something inaudible and Hyunsuk burst into laughter.

Sigh.

Self consciousness got the best of me and I would always question myself, why am I so god damn self conscious?

When lesson ended, it was time for another lesson again. The basketballer who was sitting behind me suddenly screamed, " Ha Yoonbin's book is here. " He said.

" Ha Yoonbin~ oh~ " He started teasing the air as he faced me. Something tells me he knows something.

I would always have a habit of staying in school to complete my work before going home. I would be a full-time couch potato or bed potato the moment my feet steps into my house.

So as usual, I stayed in the classroom to complete my work.

Hana and I just talked about our childhood days in elementary school and how everyone turn out now. It's really heartwarming to talk about the past when there's less work and more fun.

My other friends were there too and I just felt like somehow, I'm really grateful to have them by my side and it was just a sudden realisation.

There's some people in life where you simply just feel grateful towards them even if they're like a stone in your life, because it means they're still part of your life.

Even if it's bad, they're still there and that's a fact that you can't change.

" I need to go to the washroom. " I followed Hana along and we were chatting.

Somehow it escalated to the girl who likes Yoonbin again. Whenever she sees me, her face would darken and her smile would fade away almost instantly.

We were trying to think of what did I exactly do that seem to make her hate me but honestly, there are some things you do things unknowingly that hurt others or offend others.

We went back to class and Eunchae appeared with a wide smile on her face. " Boo! " She screamed and we stared at her, unamused.

" Done with art! " She yawned loudly as she stretched her arms in the air.

We were getting ready to head home when Eunchae decides to head to the washroom. Hana and I went to the teachers room to place our assignments.

We stood by the railing, just talking about life.

The last year together as schoolmates, classmates after 11 years of being together. It's really going to be a memorable one.

We were just laughing away like nobody's business and that's what I like talking to Hana. We can simply talk about anything and laugh about anything.

I leaned against the railing. I didn't tell Hana about Yoonbin and his brows so I was about to say, " Dude, I- " At that moment, Yoonbin appeared at the first level.

He looked up and we made eye contact. The both of us looked away and I was just stunned. " What were you going to say? " She followed where my eyes were looking at and a smile appeared on her face.

" What's the chances? " She burst into laughter.

I began telling her about the brows thing and she looked at me with her furrowing her brows. " Why would he do that? " I shrugged.

We walked home and I was starving.

We went to the bread store to get some bread and I looked out to see Yoonbin and Hyunsuk at the bus stop.

I left about an hour after them but yet they're still there. Their usual bus came and I walked out, thinking they left but they're still there.

Hana couldn't really see them and I was dying on the inside. She turned and squinted her eyes, moving forward trying to see them clearer.

I really feel like he saw and i'm just really worried about how he would feel. I sighed as I looked down at my feet.

And I don't like it.

27th March 2019

Honestly, to tell you guys my real feelings.

There's always a part of me that wish he would feel the same way as me. Even if I didn't want to show it, it's pretty darn obvious.

However, there's also a part of me that knows life isn't that smooth sailing. Life isn't that happy and sometimes, nothing goes your way.

When I have flashbacks of him, sometimes I would think those actions mean something but thinking through it, if it happened to someone else instead of me, they wouldn't care.

Just because I like him, every little action of his seem to be enhanced. It's because I like him, I care about him and I worry about how he looks at me.

Sometimes I would feel like telling people things about him. Even if there's a part of me that kinda lost some feelings but it became a habit and eventually because of it, I would gain the feelings back.

I would constantly tell myself to give up on him but I would always fail at this little mission. My mind think a certain way and my heart thinks a certain way too.

I know I would always say I'd like to give up on him and all but in actual fact, I know I can't, or at least for the time being.

I'm always apologetic for people around me. They have to tolerate me saying I want to give up but yet i'm walking back in again. Even to you, yes you, the one reading this line.

I'm really thankful for all your little comments trying to give me hope that maybe he does feel the same way but the thing is, I might unknowingly enhanced his actions.

He might not be looking at me, it might be some sort of coincident. It's the little thing that I " see " that might not actually be all that accurate since I mean, my heart is the one looking when it comes to him not my eyes or mind.

Anyways, I just want to say i'm really thankful to everyone one of you guys and i'm really really reallyyyy thankful that you guys tried to cheer me up often and actually support this book.

i'm still gonna post about my everyday life revolving around Yoonbin but i'm going to be more logical i guess :) it's gonna be hard but i will try!

Thank you everyone again <3