Depressed Magcon Imagines

Nash

You got home from school and slammed down your bag. Your day at school was typical, meaning that it was stressful, anxiety inducing, and all together awful. You've been really good by your standards for the past week about your eating, but today, you lost control.

You got into your pantry and pulled out a bag of granola. You told your self you would only take one pinch, and then you'd put the bag down and not touch it again. Instead, you started grabbing handfuls of granola and shoving them into your mouth one after another. You knew granola was supposed to be healthy, but that didn't change the fact that it had added sugar and calories in it. You felt your mind screaming at you to stop eating. You were trying to pull away, but in that moment, it was like your body and mind were two separate things. The connectedness which allowed you to make your own actions, was some how absent. So instead, your ravenous body stood hunched over the counter, shoving food down your throat.

You finally got yourself to pull away, and you could hardly stand to be yourself. You felt your stomach bulging forward, filled to the brim with food. You ran your hands all over your body and started to cry. You could have sworn you gained fifteen pounds in five minutes. You walked over to the mirror and lifted up your shirt. That threw you over the edge.

You ran upstairs and threw open your bathroom door, letting it slam loudly against the wall. You ripped open a draw and all the contents of it rattled around. Your fingers found your toothbrush, and you flipped the toilet seat up. Roughly, you shoved your toothbrush down your throat, not caring about the pain from your toothbrush jabbing the back of your throat. You did that about three times before you finally got some relief.

You stood up and looked at yourself in shock. You had always restricted, starved, and over exercised, but never had you ever purged. You didn't know how you were supposed to feel. In the moment you were happy about it, you felt like you had accomplished something- but that only made you more confused than ever. You barely had time to think about it, when you felt the need to do it again. You could feel the assertive pull of addiction dragging you back to you knees in front of the toilet. You knew this was the start of a new spiral down hill. The same push that urges you to slice open your skin every night, felt the same as the one pulling you down to purge. You stayed in the bathroom for about fifteen minutes, and then you washed up and made yourself look presentable.

You walked out of the bathroom, and leaning against the hall wall was the love of your, Nash. You knew he knew by the way his eyes bore into yours. You opened your mouth to try to explain, but his blue eyes, filled with such emotion you thought you might drown looking in them, made you dissolve into tears.

"Baby, come here" Nash said in a caring, soft voice.

He pulled you into him, and rubbed your back. He kissed the top of your head, but you could tell he was still very much distressed by the way his body stood tense and rigid. You finally got control of yourself, and slightly pulled away to look into Nash's eyes.

"Why?" Nash simply asked with worry lacing the sound of his voice.

"I- I thought that maybe I could be prettier. I ate a lot today, and I just thought that maybe, if I could get rid of it, it would be okay. That maybe I would look better tomorrow. I haven't felt like I look good, in a really long time. All I want is to be skinny and pretty, Nash. "

"Baby, you are pretty! You are the most gorgeous girl I have ever seen, and it have seen a lot of girls. I love the way your body looks, and I love the curves I can wrap my hands around. You are breathtakingly beautiful, and if anyone has ever told you otherwise, then they are the most ignorant, jealous people ever. You truly are perfect, baby, in more ways than just your looks. But honey, you can't do this to yourself. This isn't healthy for your body. I can't let you slowly destroy yourself. I love you, (y/n), and I promise, I will be here every second of every minute of every hour for you. I love you so so so much."

"Nash, thank you so much. I need you in my life more than you even know. You help me in so many ways that there's too many to even count. You have always been the greatest boyfriend. I love you so much. "

You and Nash spent the rest of the afternoon cuddled up on your bed, and then Nash had to go home after eating dinner with your family. You crawled into bed that night, and smiled to yourself when a good night text from Nash popped up.

'Sweet dreams, beautiful. And don't ignore that last word, because it's completely true. I spent my time typing it out, because you deserve to be called that every single moment of your life. I love you, babe! Sleep well'

You closed you eyes and let a warm blanket of sleep fall over you, feeling loved and completely wanted.