"Today, however can change things for better or worse. The outcome depends on you."
When a marriage fails the residue trickles down to everyone in the family. Sixteen-year-old Daya Nicole Johnston must fight to understand what is happening in her li...
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Day Three - December 5, Wednesday
Dear dad, why in some of the happiest moments in life bad thoughts creep in. I could be surrounded by tenderness, adoration, and then bam my thoughts are congested with the worst possible ideas. Do you regret what you did? You not only ruined your marriage, but you lost your family. Do you sit up at night thinking about what you have brought upon yourself and how everyone's future will be affected?
Because I do. I don't know if I could ever forgive you and I know for a fact that Dennis won't. You get to sit in a shit apartment by yourself and wonder how all of us are doing without you. I know you want us to forgive and love you again. A part of me wants that as well but whenever I look at you I see abuse. My love can't deteriorate overnight and I'm sure one day I may be able to see past it but.... for now, I think I just need time. You know you'll always be my dad, but besides that who are you?
When I was younger, I was always told to take every day one at a time and take every situation on a case by case basis. Make sure you don't jump to conclusions and I should analyze everything, all the facts before opinion making.
My grandmother told me that before she passed, and it makes me wonder if she lived by this creed. She stated to question everything and make your own opinions, but I never for a second questioned her. I never for a second questioned my dad. I believed everything he told me.
When I first heard of the separation, I immediately blamed my mother before I knew even two facts. I just assumed the worst of her and the best of my dad. I wonder if granny would be proud of me today or if she would recoil in her grave if she knew how rash I could be. I don't even why I did it. Maybe subconsciously I've always been a daddy's girl and I wanted so badly to be on his side. For him to be.....
Now, I want to hate him. I want to.... I know I do. For some reason I... I want... him to be what I remember. Well, I also do know that I want to get past today, yesterday, the past couple of months, in fact, let's just skip a couple of years in the future until all of this is fixed.
"Hey sweetie, I didn't know you were awake."
Somehow, I wandered out of my bed and ended up halfway down the staircase until I heard anything besides my own thoughts.
"Yeah, I was just taking a breather, did I wake you?" I enquired in a breathy tone I didn't realize I had until just then.
"Well, you know you aren't very good at being sneaky." I still don't think she realized that I snuck out a couple of nights ago but okay.
"Yeah," I said at that same breathy voice as I grabbed onto the railing before my mom gently held onto my waist.
"Are you feeling okay?" She always worries about me. I shook my head yes and sat down on the step.
