Honest Reviews - CLOSED FOR CATCH UP

Billionaire Bad Boy

Written by:  Adee-DsS

COVER
The cover is alright, I just feel like it's missing something. It doesnt scream inviting to me. Maybe add a couple or something?

DESCRIPTION
Now this was highly disappointing to me. I know your describing your story but I felt like you added to much detail about it. I feel like a version like this might have been better:
Olivia sparks is your average teenage dork. At least that's what she sees herself as. Shes got a great sense of humour, intelligence and
Could easily pass of as the most beautiful girl in Westville. Shes just to oblivious to know it.
Drew Dickson, known for being the richest guy in westville and for the fact that he can get any girl he wants just not the one he wants..Olivia.
Tensions run high as Drew fights to get Olivia, snarky comments, pissing her off and so much more might just get her to fall for him. What could possibly go wrong when you fall for the billionaires son?

CHAPTER ONE
First things first that I noticed is that you dont have any spacing or paragraphs. I feel like you could be more descriptive. How about putting: I realised something as I glanced at the time instead of just putting I realised something. Holdup, its 7.30 in the morning.
      I understand that she out flip flops on but it doesnt make sense when you've said: and flip and flip my way to the bathroom. How about this: I immediately sprung up from my bed, not hesitating to wear my flip flops. I quickly padded along to my bathroom, my flips flops making a noise as I walked.
      Okay being realistic now, nobody exactly likes reading about them brushing their teeth or having a shower unless you describe the character there and then. Ah shower by Becky g is a good song, very catchy aswell. Spelling error there with took. Theres no e in took.
       I highly recommend spacing it out when your characters are speaking as its confusing to know when they are.
I'm extremely puzzled now because I thought her friends were waiting in school? So are they waiting outside her home?
       I would have loved if you could describe who West and South are before you get them talking. Are they best friends? How long have they been friends for? Where did they meet?
       How about putting that author note at the end? Nobody will get offended :).
     Being vegetarian is quite fun as I used to be a vegetarian lol.
Twin code? Huh who's twins I'm really confused? Cecelia. I honestly feel as though you need to give a backstory for the characters.
     If they are livs best friends then you could say how they met. Ah you did quite well for the first chapter as they are always the hardest chapter to do along with the ending.
     My only concern would be adding paragraphs and your lack of descriptive words.

Chapter two

Yessss! Well done on adding the paragraphs. It makes it so much easier to read. I'm really curious is this American high school or British high school? Who's doofus? Is that the bad boy?
     At some points you might need to clarify who's talking as some people might not catch on it.
Ah I really want to know what this guy looks like considering he's supposed to be smoking hot, enough to set off a fire alarm. Love the description for that.
      That saddens me that I dont get to know what he looks like :(. Does he have a name or have I missed it somewhere?
      Just a heads up, do continue paragraphing it as it seems you've stopped Nice word skedaddled. Oh I feel bad now, I didnt realise his name was Drew Dickson. I genuinely thought it was an insult.

Chapter Three
  I like that you informed us who the lunch lady was. I dont like how we had to wait until chapter three to know her name was Olivia Sparks. I feel like that should be near the start in order for us to get to know your character.
     Few spelling errors. You spelt choice as coice. Do you mean man was he hot and not men was he hot? Okay hold up...its only chapter three. I dont think we need to know so soon that her sister died, maybe leave that later on?
    Let the characters get to know each other, you could have added filler chapters where they get to know each other so we know that they have a connection.
    Hence then we know she feels safe and trusts him enough to open up. Few more spelling errors. Wait what?!?! Her father killed her sister?

OVERALL
I actually quite enjoyed reading this and I hope to finish it soon as it really I'd an intersting story. However there are a few careless mistakes with your spelling but that's fixable with an edit.

Negatives
•Paragraphs
•Spelling errors
•Descriptions
▪︎Vocabulary
•Punctuation
▪︎Blurb
▪︎cover

POSITIVES
▪︎word count
•chapter length
•author notes

Tips
● Try googling some other describing words
●By telling the backstory of your characters friendships is a good way for readers to get to know other characters.
●Try the skimming and scanning technique to avoid those careless mistakes

Reviewed by Sarah