Written by scribbledpizza
I highly recommend reading this!
Cover
I genuinely quite like your cover, it's got a lot of details in it. I especially like that you can see a building in the background. The one thing I dont think goes it those two lines at the bottom.
Description
Okay, this is long. You might want to consider shortening it a little bit. 'What would you give to know the truth?' That's clever putting that directly at the start because it's making me want to read it. Reading further on, I feel like you may have given away to much or your story away. Leave some things out to surprise the readers when they start reading.
Prologue
I hate to be a pain but does cycles mean their age? I'm new to this type of genre. Straight away, I feel like you've said father way to much. You might want to tone it down. How about telling us his name? Perhaps use the word he rather than father everytime. Experiment and mix it up a little.
I like how you've made it seem that her father is a very strict and tough man. Would be very interesting to know as to why he's like that. I'm really intrigued to know how this story will pan out. I love how you ended this! Defiabtely makes me want to read more. I'd say your prologue is quite great to be honest, a little short but its alright.
Chapter One
Thrown right into a fight..okay then. Ah you've described the fighting thing quite well. You could however actually tell us why she had knives. Are they important to her? 'A leading dealer in the market' Do you mean 'As a leading dealer in the market'
Good on giving us her thoughts on stealing etc. It gives the readers a chance to get to know your characters better. The grandmother sounds cool. This chapter is a teensy bit long. I guess you could have actually gotten away with putting the part where you introduced Leah into another chapter and let it be it's own chapter. Therefore it wouldn't be as long because not a lot of people like to read a massive long chapter. Medium are okay just not extremely long ones. You wouldn't want to bore the life out of the reader. Good job in explaining who Adam and leah are but why did they drift away? What made them drift away? A glossary would be great. You have a few words in there that I dont know the meaning to.
Chapter Two
I'm really confused on cycles. Is that the years? Sorry that I dont know. Wait what? I'm slightly confused now, you've lost me. Who's this boy your talking about? Where has he come from? I dont think this chapter thing was exactly needed. It seems rather pointless at the moment, sorry to be blunt there.
Chapter three
First paragraph is very descriptive, fair play to you. I quite like how you spent most of this chapter explaining things. It gives the readers a glimpse into the history which is great. I'm looking forward to see if anything will happen between Renda and Aaron. Spacing is decent so dont worry about that :)
Overall
I tend to only write the review for three chapters for everyone despite reading the whole story. However I really really enjoyed this so please give this account a message or notify us when you've completed your story. I would love to see what happens. Okay anyway, getting to the point. You may want to do a schedule, you seem to be lacking in when you update which is a shame but that's okay because you can eventually work on it. Your author notes are quite disappointing. You sound so paranoid about your writing and how the chapters are laid out and you really dont need to be. Get the chance to know your readers through author notes. Talk about whatever comes to your mind, like hotdogs or whatever really. Talk about Renda maybe? Spelling, vocabulary is spot on! Honestly, I'm pretty observant but when it comes to this story I cant seem to find anything wrong with your story which is truly amazing!
Positives
☆Spelling
☆Punctuation
☆Paragraphs/Spacing
☆Cover
☆Plot/story
Negatives
●Summary
●Author notes
●Glossary
Tips
■Glossary- It allows the chance for readers to learn new words and understand why you choose these certain words.
■By not sounding and being paranoid in your author notes, you wont scare your readers away
9.5/10
♡You have talent, keep on going!♡
Reviewed by Sarah
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