Now or Never

Chapter 35

 "I need to know if you are mad at me about last night. I need to know how you feel about it. Like, for real. Not any of this keeping your feelings hidden crap. I need to know." I watched as he bit his bottom lip and let it out slowly. Damn it, Colby, I thought. Stop it! He looked me in the eyes, and I could see the sadness in his own. "Okay...I was mad. I'm still a little mad. Drunk or not, that shouldn't have happened. You were supposed to stay at Tara's." His voice started rising, and I could tell that he was getting angry. "I wasn't supposed to have to worry about you doing things like this...not you. Sam told me not to worry about it, but how am I not supposed to worry about it? What's gonna happen next time you decide to go out and get drunk?" The tears started burning my eyes. Trying to hold them back, I answered him. "Colby, I swear to God, nothing like this will happen again. I won't even drink, if you don't want me too, until you get back. I shouldn't have drank so much liquor. I shouldn't have left Tara's. It was just a spur of the moment thing. I don't even remember this happening." He cut me off. "It doesn't matter if you remember or not, because the whole world will remember now. The videos are everywhere. Now, I have to deal with all this crap that the fans are throwing at me, talking shit about you, when I really just want to tell them stop, and mind their own business..." He took a deep breath and let it out. "This wasn't supposed to happen y/n. I know that you didn't technically cheat but it kind of feels like you did...I promised myself that I wouldn't go through this again." I broke and the tears cascaded down my face. Not bothering to wipe them away, I said, "Please Colby...You know that I would never do anything to hurt you...not intentionally. I know what the fans are saying. I saw it too. I'm sorry that I messed up and I probably deserve everything that they are saying. I'm sorry that you have to deal with it too." I hung my head, not wanting to see that accusatory glare in his beautiful eyes. "It was a mistake. I got too drunk. I learned my lesson. Can we please just get past this? I don't want to lose you." I wiped my face with the back of hand, and looked into the phone again, meeting his gaze. It seemed like his anger was fading, and all I got were the sad eyes again. "It hurt me y/n. I know that I acted like it wasn't a big deal. I was going to try and let it be that way but when you asked me, I just couldn't. I hated seeing that more than anything, and then everyone else seeing it, and YOU put it out there yourself, like you were proud of it....You aren't going to lose me." He chewed on the side of his lip. "I don't want to be one of those boyfriends that tells you what to do. Especially after what you went through with Nick...but I'm not sure that it's a good idea for you to be drinking any liquor while I'm away. Maybe just stick to your Smirnoffs?" He gave me a small half grin. The weight that was on my chest lifted. I smiled back at him. "I promise. No more liquor. Unless you're here to keep me straight." He laughed. "Okay, it's a deal. I can't believe that all this has happened and I've only been gone for 2 days." I felt ashamed. "I know...I'm so sorry Colby."  He shrugged. "We'll get through it. We always do. When you're up for it though, you might want to make a public apology on your Insta or something. Try to smooth things over with the fans. I hate to even say that, but you know how it is." I nodded, a little pissed that we had to involve everyone in our problems, but I knew what I was getting into when Colby and I made it official. Plus it was my fault. "I will. I might wait a few days, but I'll do it soon. I promise." "That's fine. Whatever you wanna do. I gotta go now though. These idiots are wanting to try the seance tonight." "Oh God, baby please be careful. Don't be stupid about it." My anxiety shot up. "We aren't, I promise. We even loaded up on rock salt, everyone got a cross necklace," he held his up to show me, "and a lot of other stuff to help with protection. We're trying to do it right because this place isn't a joke. I can feel it in my bones." I noticed that he got a little bit of a frightened look in his eyes when he said that. Shaking his head, he met my gaze again. "Text me later okay?" "Okay. I love you so so much Colby. Always." "Always, baby girl. I love you too." We disconnected and I just sat there for a minute feeling very thankful for how understanding he was but also bad, because I had truly hurt him and that was the last thing that I ever wanted to do. I noticed that I had a text from Serena so I checked that. I felt like I hadn't spoken with her in forever. "Hey babe. Wanna hang out at Brennen's tonight with me? I miss you!" I smiled. I missed her too. The other girls were great and I considered them my best, closest friends now, but Serena was my ride or die. "Absolutely! Can't wait! Miss you too!" I texted back. I jumped in the shower, changed, and headed to Brennen's. S met me at the door. She screamed like it had been a year since we had seen each other. I laughed and hugged her tightly. "Calm down S, it hasn't been that long." She laughed and pulled back. "I know, but it feels like it has." Brennen walked up behind her and smiled. "Hey sweetie, it's been a minute." He said, pulling me in for a hug. "Have you talked to Colby lately? I miss my boo." I laughed, pulling back from him. "Yeah, I spoke with him earlier.