Now or Never

Chapter 54

I would never intentionally do anything to hurt you!" His voice got louder. I didn't look up, only took a step back. "Great, now you're f**king scared of me, as well." He exclaimed. "Damn it! What the hell is happening?" My head snapped up as the rage from everything that had happened hit me. I charged forwards a few steps so that I was face to face with him..well almost. He was taller than me by a good half a foot. "I'm not scare of you, you f**king asshole!" I said, out of clenched teeth. "I'm over that crap Colby! You know, after Nick, I swore that I wouldn't be scared of another man EVER!" I smacked his chest, pushing him back a step. "Then what?!" He cried. "Why would you back away from me?" "Because..." I paused, meeting his eyes. The shadows were still there. "I'm scare of what might be inside of you. I'm being selfish because I hope you are possessed or whatever, just so there's an explanation for what happened this week. So that I can place the blame of you...cheating," I choked out the word. "on me, on some ghost or demon." He started to reach for me, but caught himself and brought his hand back to his side. "Y/N...can I tell you what I remember? No skipping over the bad stuff?" I shook my head. "I don't know if I'm ready to hear any of that Colby. I don't think that I can bear it." I wrapped my arms around myself, hugging tight, like I was trying to keep the pieces of myself together. "Please." One simple word, with those ocean blue eyes that I loved so much...I felt myself giving in. "Fiiine." I sighed out. "But no details. I can't--" I stopped, just shaking my head. I turned away from him and sat on the couch. He sat next to me, leaving space. I turned sideways, sitting cross legged so that I was facing him. He turned towards me too. "Okay, I remember the club. I know that I asked you to dance and you didn't want too." I got angry again. "I was TIRED Colby. You literally wore me out all day, then we had already-" He cut me off. "I KNOW Y/N. I'm just telling you what I remember and how I felt at the time." I rolled my eyes. I knew that I was being a b*tch but the damn hickeys were staring me in the face...and those scratches. "Can you at least button your shirt so I don't have to see that?" I asked, pointing to his exposed chest. "I'm already staring at your neck." He closed his eyes for a moment and sucked his lips in. He blew a breath out, and opened his eyes. "Yeah...sorry." He buttoned his shirt to the neck, hiding that piece of evidence of another female. His neck was still shining brightly in my face tho. I turned my eyes away and looked out towards the kitchen. "The thing that came to my mind, when you turned me down was the video of you dancing with that guy, while I was gone." I started to say something to defend myself, but Colby put his hand up, stopping me. "I know that you were drunk but come on. That was wrong. I know you apologized but it doesn't make it hurt less." I met his gaze for a second, then nodded. He was right. "So was that payback or something?" I asked, hearing the pain in my voice. "No! God No! I would never do that." He put his fingers to the bridge of his nose, squeezing a little. "I guess I did do that...it was for payback, but NOT because I wanted to...or I did want too, but I don't know why I wanted too." He stood up. "Uuugh, this is so hard to explain!" He exclaimed loudly. He sat back down, facing me again. "There is something wrong with me. Something in my head, telling me to do these things, giving me bad thought and ideas. Let me just get on with it. I remember the club, and I remember dancing with that girl and losing myself for a minute. Then I saw you and everything hit me. I didn't understand why I did what I did. You ran out and I tried to go after you but Sam stopped me. I was able to break free from my mind for a moment and tell him that something was wrong. Then the voice started again and I left. I felt like no one wanted me around, like no one really cared, and that I could do better on my own." He paused again, searching my eyes to see if I was understanding. This was killing me but I knew it was killing him more. I nodded to let him know that I was and he could continue. "I went to another club, one a little darker, and found a few...friends there. We hung out...." His face was so conflicted. He wanted to tell me, but I had asked him not too. "Just generalize it. I don't need to know the specifics." I said, throwing my hand up and letting it fall. He nodded. "Okay. We danced, we made out...but NOTHING ELSE...that I remember." He ran his hand through his unwashed hair. "That's where things start getting blurry. I was drinking a lot. More than I've ever drank. I was smoking pot along with it. I remember flashes. I left with someone but I don't remember who. I have flashes of other clubs and other bars...other girls." He shook his head. "That's it. Just flashes until I finally came out of whatever is happening to me. I was at some f**king trap house, an actual trap house, in the bed with some woman." His eyes were begging me to understand, before he rested his elbows on his knees an dropped his head in his hands. "I was dreaming of you, then it changed from you to this woman and I regained control. We were just about to...but we DIDN'T. I think that because it wasn't you. I couldn't fully go through with it. I jumped up, got dressed, and left. I ran miles to that store where I called you from." He looked up at me.