Through My Eyes

Routine

It's the same routine everyday. 

On weekdays: I wake up early in the morning to prepare for work then book a ride to the office. Spend roughly 9-11 hours at work. Exhausted but still needs to commute. When I get home, I try to rest and relax while waiting for my baby. 

On weekends: Wake up late in the morning. Play games or read while waiting for B to wake up. Have lunch with the family or with friends. Spend the whole afternoon either at home or at a friend's house. Go to the mall, watch movies and do late night shopping.

It's predictable. Nothing's new. It's like playing a vinyl disc on a phonograph. Classic but you know it won't last.

Lambingan and petty fights at night. Arguments here and there. Kisses and sweet surprises.  Hugs and cuddles are still the best!

I was happy. I was happy with how things were going for quite sometime. But it was also difficult, indeed very difficult. Still a part of me believed that it should all be worth it in the end. I always believed that a lasting relationship needs a lot of time and effort; patience and understanding. It makes you sacrifice things, thinking it would be the best for both of you.

Looking back on the times we spent together makes me think about how I have become in pursuit of making our relationship last. I was so focused on the future that I somehow forget to live in the present. If only I was a better person then, I would have realized that everything we do in the present can lead us to the future. I was hoping that I can swing it and win every challenge. But later on realized that it shouldn't be just I, rather, it should be WE, US, OUR battle together for our future.

As what the famous tagline say, "Walang forever!" And again, destiny proved this to me on the fourth time around (which I hope to end here). And probably the most heartbreaking of the four.

At some point, I felt like I was in a rat race. I was trapped and can no longer move. It was difficult that made me wish I didn't have feelings or maybe I should just turn myself into a robot. To do the things I'm supposed to do, whether I like it or not. I tried to get out of the situation, oh you won't imagine but I did put a lot of effort. But it was never enough. I was never enough. I lacked a lot of things and I wasn't able to sustain it. 

Still, the good thing is, I learned a lot of things from this experience. It made me a better person (it did). It made me stronger than ever (more than what I have imagined). It made me appreciate other people more and be proud of what I have achieved (she shouldn't be my world as if everything depends on her). 

We had great times together that I surely cherish. It was not all tears after all. I prefer to keep the good memories still. She made me happy and feel loved but while it last. I'm pretty sure something happened, something changed, but it was not addressed, thus ending our years together. Maybe what we had was really not meant to last. Maybe we're not meant for each other.

I don't know if you can relate nor if you understand what the hell I'm saying here but yeah, I'll just leave it here.

So let me tell you the story of how our "Walang forever" started.