Through My Eyes

My Fault

I woke up at the sound of the alarm. Oh my! Nakatulog ako!!!!

I looked at B and she's sleeping facing the other side.

Lagot! Away na naman to!

But since I still need to go to work, I'll deal with her later. I immediately got up and went to the bathroom for a quick shower. I fixed my things for work and booked an Uber. While I wait, I went back to bed and hugged her.

I kissed her head and whispered, "Pasok na ako B. I'll call you later to wake you up."

I was shocked as she quickly moved to face me with angry eyes staring at me.

"Oh, what's wrong?" I asked innocently.

"Hinayaan mo akong matulog na masama ang loob. How could you B?!" She said angrily.

"I'm sorry B. I was tired yesterday and I badly needed sleep. And besides, it's a big day for me today." I explained.

"Hindi mo dapat ako hinayaang matulog na masama ang loob!" B insisted.

"Look, I'm sorry and I know it's my fault at dapat I shouldn't have let that happen. Pero B, I just need your understanding now. Babawi na lang ako sayo..." I replied thinking that maybe it's time for her to understand me. 

Well, if she truly loves me, she should understand.

I moved closer and hugged her tight and said, "I love you. Alam mo yan... Dyan na ride ko."

She looked at me with angry eyes. And I knew right there, I can't go. I need to fix this or baka wala na akong uwian.

And so I took a deep breath and message the driver that I am to cancel because of an emergency. Glad, the driver was okay with it and so the ride was canceled.

I put my things down and took off my shoes and lay beside B. I tried my best to be the 'malambing' I never was.

"B, I'm sorry na..." I said sweetly as I try to hug her. She refused and pushed me away.

"B... Hindi na ako papasok. Babawi na lang ako sayo." I told her.

"Pumasok ka!" She shouted.

"I'm staying..." I replied as I try to hug her again.

She looked at me and said, "Hindi ka papasok then you'll blame me pag may nangyari sa work."

"Sinisi ba kita? It's my choice not to go to work. I can't leave na ganito tayo." I answered.

She stared at me and gave me an angry look before she got up and went to the bathroom. 

I tried to follow her but she slams the door. So I waited outside the door.

The moment she went out, I hugged her and whispered, "I'm really sorry B. Super pressure lang sa work. You know naman na we're aiming for the trainer of the year award diba?"

I started to be more clingy and gave her sweet kisses as we walk towards the bed.

After a while, she responded but before we even get to the climax, she pushed me a bit and said, "Go to work. Mas importante yun..."

I frown and said, "B naman... I can't go na hindi tayo okay..."

"Go to work!" She insisted.

I took a deep breath and tried to book another Uber. Good thing, one is about 5 minutes away. I fixed myself and get ready for work. 

She's still not okay when I left, but I can't give up my career now. I've worked hard to reach where I am now. Anyway, I know that all my hard work will pay off one day. This is for our future!

I left the house and went to work. Everything went smoothly and the results were in my favor. I was happy leaving the office, knowing that I did well. However, it's time to go back to reality. B and I weren't in good terms when I left our house earlier. Time to fix it!

I arrived early and found her still in bed. I quickly changed my clothes and lay beside her. I hugged her and gently kissed her cheeks. She then moved to face me so I smiled. She hugged me back and so I released a sigh and enjoyed cuddling with my love.

"Kamusta araw mo B?" I asked as we cuddle.

"Okay lang. Naglaro ako ng Dota." She answered.

"Alright. And you stayed in bed all day lang?" I follow up.

"Hmmmnnn..." She murmured but after a second she changed her reaction and said, "Nagtatampo pa ako sayo..."

I grinned and replied, "I'm sorry na B... Dito na naman ako... What do you want to do ba?"

"Nood na lang tayo ng movie..." She answered.

"Alright, projector or big screen?" I asked.

"Dito na lang sa bahay, tamad na ako lumabas...." She replied.

"Okay..." I answered then hurriedly set up the projector.

After a few minutes, we started watching a local movie. We cuddle as we watch the rom-com movie starred by Sarah G and John Lloyd.

"B naman eh! Puro ka tulog!" B said as I open my eyes. I fell asleep while we were watching the movie. Strike 3! 

"I'm sorry B," I replied as I fix myself. She throws sharp looks on me and I tried to make my way out of the situation. 

The day didn't end well for us. History dug up and 'blaming game' took place. I stopped talking and everything is a mess. What's the point of explaining if you know, it wouldn't matter.

My day ended thinking - I'm trash. Someone who can't do anything right. The worst person ever.

"I don't want to do this anymore." She said.

"Can you at least give me another chance?" I asked as I try to hold my tears.

"I gave you too many chances and you blew it all." She replied.

"Another chance, we can still fix this." I insisted.

She stood up took some of her stuff and went to the door. I followed her but she stopped me and asked not to follow her.

I begged for us to talk about it, but she just left. That's when I allowed my tears to fall from my eyes. I went back to bed and cried. After I calmed down, I texted her a very long message apologizing and asking if we can still fix it. She just replied to say that she had enough.

I looked at the mirror and got angry at myself for being so stupid. Why can't I help myself from falling asleep? I just can't believe it, I'm losing the one I love just because of this. How could I be so inconsiderate?

I fell asleep again after I cried my heart out. I hope I can speak about this to my friends but chose not to because I don't want them to worry about me or for them to get mad at her.  

When I woke up the next day, she was sleeping beside me. I immediately kissed her head before I head to the bathroom and prepare for work. 

With swollen eyes and a broken heart, I left our house. Hoping things will get better once I'm in the office.