Through My Eyes

Choices

We were still under the sheets and no one is moving nor talking. There were a lot of things inside my head yet I was disturbed by the sound coming from the AC.

I looked at her. Her eyes were closed. I wonder what she is thinking right now. I wish I can make things easier for both of us.

"Charlie..." I called her.

She didn't move but I saw a tear fell from her eyes. I suddenly moved closer and wiped it away.

"I'm sorry..." I said.

She embraced me and replied, "Please, don't be sorry..."

Huh?! Why shouldn't I? 

"Alam kong mahal mo pa din siya... Pero ramdam kong gusto mo din ako... I heard you call my name few times while we're doing it. I felt it in your touch." Charlie continued.

I don't know how to respond. I mean, she's right. I had a crush on her since but I didn't dwell on it. Afraid that it would mean that I am unfaithful to B.

"You once told me that you don't do casual sex. You only make love with someone special. Diba?" She asked.

This time I knew I should answer. I let go of her so I can look straight in her eyes. All I know is that I don't want to hurt her - I don't deserve her.

"I like you. I do Charlie. And I'm not saying this just to make you feel better." I started.

Another tear fell from her eyes and I wiped it again.

"But I'm not gonna lie - you are right, mahal ko pa din siya. We may not be together anymore but she still has my heart. You know what happened to us naman diba? You know my heartache more than anybody else. And you've been saving me all these time - to that I am grateful." I continued.

I saw her smile a bit so I did too.

I took a deep breath before I said, "You are worthy to be loved by someone who will commit and love you 100%. It's just that I am not that person - lalo ngayon... I don't deserve someone as pure as you. You don't need to save me because I'm already broken."

"I can help you fix yourself, and I can be with you every step of the way... I can give you all the time you need to heal. Pero wag mo naman sanang ipagdamot sa sarili mo na mahalin kita kasi sobrang kamahal mahal ka. It's really her lost to let you go!" She said as she caress my face.

See the purity of her heart. I can feel her love and I'm not sure if I can ever reciprocate that.

"You don't have to say you love me now. We both know that love takes time. I'll be contented na gusto mo ako. Just please let me love you!" She asked as tears began to fall from her eyes.

"Charlie..." Was my only response.

 She hugged me tight and that's it! I can no longer contain my tears as well.

After a while, she looked straight to my eyes - that kind of look as if she's seeing my soul. 

"I love you... With all of me. I will never get tired of giving myself to you." She whispered.

"Please accept me..." She begged.

I can't say no, I don't want to break her heart.

She moved her face closer to mine and closed her eyes. She kissed my lips.

It was gentle and full of love. It was something you can't resist.

She's offering herself one more time - trying to make me believe that I am worth it. 

Am I?

I allowed her to indulge herself of having me. I also want to feel how it is to be loved. Because I haven't felt that for quite some time now. I let go of the pain in my heart while I respond as our body swayed to the rhythm of our emotions.

I may think that I am not worthy but in my heart I knew I deserve to be loved. Maybe, just maybe this is what I've been waiting for. Maybe, just maybe - it was her all along.

I allowed her to love me just how she wants it to be. I savor every kiss and every touch - even until we reach the pinnacle. 

This time, I'm doing this not because I'm intoxicated, rather I want her to feel how much I appreciate having her in my life. For her love and support - everything that she's offering me all these time.

I did my best for her feel that this isn't something casual, that I do have feelings for her too - just maybe not as much as her love for me.

I cuddled her when we became so exhausted.

"I love you..." She whispered.

I can't utter I love you too, so instead, I kissed her head.

"Thank you..." She said and we fell asleep.

The weekend passed by and now we all have to go to work again.

I went to my desk at the trainer's bay as I don't have a class. I was busy with some reports when someone pat my back.

"Kamusta?" Shane asked energetically.

"Good!" I replied with a smile.

"Mukang happy ahhh.." She said.

I just laughed.

She sat beside me and asked seriously, "So how was it with Charlie?" 

I turned to her and replied, "I'm no kiss and tell. And please let's not talk about it here...."

She smiled and said, "Kayo na ba?!"

I move my head to disagree.

"Ang hina mo! She's a good catch tol! Way better than your ex!" Shane exclaimed.

"She's something - okay?! Whatever it is, sa amin na lang yun!" I replied hoping to shut her off.

"Kaya ka nabrobroken ng malala eh! Sobrang lihim mo!" Shame commented.

"None of your business tol! C'mon, it's private!" I said.

"Look, I know it's private pero just answer this - masaya ka ba sa kanya?" Shane asked seriously.

I looked at her for a moment before I answered, "I am happy with her but nothing is formal yet."

"Ayun naman pala eh!" She rejoiced.

"Am I missing something?" Charlie suddenly asked out from I don't know where.

"Kanina ka pa dyan?" I asked in surprise.

"Just in time to know na masaya ka pala with me..." Charlie chucked then gave me a tight hug.

"Ehem! Aalis na nga ako... Single ako eh!" Shane joked and left us.

"Let's have lunch together okay?" Charlie said as she puts coffee on my desk.

"Thank you..." I said smiling.

She leaned closer, kissed my forehead and whispered, "I love you! See you later..."

Charlie left, while I tried to concentrate to finish my reports. When all of a sudden I received a message.

B

Can you come to the house later? Mom cooked your favorite and I need help for my presentation...

I replied right away.

Sure! I will be there before dinner.

Thanks! See you...

I smiled and went back to work.