Crystal Eyes

~(05)~

~*E l l e r y*~

      I was eating a tranquil lunch of soggy green beans, mac n cheese, and a churro when my phone buzzed to life in my pocket causing me to flinch. I dug it out of the pocket of my dark denim jeans and saw the notification bell for an incoming text message pop into view. 

Jenna. B
      Hi...I was just wondering how you were doing these days...I know we haven't talked in years since the accident but I felt a need to check in. I heard you moved to Hipridge. How is everything? How's your brother?

      My fingers froze on the keys. A strange need to panic flourished over me. I hadn't talked to Jenna in five years...since the car crash that killed her only sibling. My best friend Allie. Last I was in contact with her, she was irritated with me for surviving. She had said it was unfair that I was alive and her baby sister was dead. I had felt the same way. I still did at times. I hadn't even known she'd kept my number.

You
      Hey, Jenna. I'm at school right now. Ryan and I are fine, we just moved here a few months ago and we're settling in. I was wondering what you were up to these days...since our last conversation. 

Jenna. B
      I haven't been up to much. Look. I'm so sorry for what I texted you five years ago. What I said was wrong because Allie would've wanted you to live and I realize now that you didn't come out of the crash without your own problems. I felt it heavy on conscious lately and I needed to apologize. Allie would not want me to resent you. You were her best friend and I'm glad you made it out. Can we maybe meet up and talk? I'm passing through soon.

      Tears welled up in my eyes and prickled my lashes. I tried to fight them back, telling myself it had been five years already and I shouldn't be so sensitive to the topic still. I popped open my brother's open conversation and sent him something short telling him she'd texted me. I shut off my phone, neglecting to reply, and slipped it into the pocket of my black hoodie. 

      I tipped my head back and dug my nails into my palm out of instinct. Whenever I was nervous I did one or two of four things. I curled up, I bit and twirled my hair, I avoided eye contact or I dug my nails into my palm. Things my brother had taken note of over the years and recognized. 

      I didn't know how to reply honestly. I know I said I felt the same way she did back then but it did hurt. The text she sent stung me like nothing else, being accused of killing my best friend by her sister, who I'd looked up to. It had hurt more than my broken arm or cracked ribs. 

      I pushed my tray away softly and pressed my back against the wall, bringing my knees onto the bench. Rumbling thoughts staggered through my head. One of the bad things about being deaf was that no matter who was in the room, you're always alone and vulnerable to your own thoughts. No one was there to break you away from your own mind or shatter your ridiculous thoughts for you. 

      Rhonda eventually showed up and signed me a quick 'come on, baby'.  She always called everyone baby...I only had three more periods before I could get home and talk with Ryan. Only three more, I told myself.

      I entered History class hastily with my head dropped. James attempted to sign me a greeting but his hands dropped when I slumped into my seat and gazed ahead. My mind wondered the whole class, to Jenna and Allie. 

      To my mom and the man who'd hit us that day. A man who I knew nothing about to this day, only that he went to jail and he wasn't getting back out. A man who'd ruined my life in a single night. Ryan was adamant about keeping me as far away as possible from the crash. He isolated from everything and kept me as far as possible.