Crystal Eyes

~(15)~

~*E l l e r y*~

      What if James had told someone that my mom and Allie had died in that car accident? What if the school found out and I'd be a laughing case for the rest of my days here? Or worse, if Sarah found out and told everyone.. James wouldn't tell her though. Anxiety constricted my chest. I'd been thinking about that day yesterday when I'd seen him at school, and even into the weekend. Why had I told him at all?

      I could have easily explained to James I had a nightmare about a giant space cat shredding me into little pieces but then I'd have felt wrong for lying to him. He'd shown me no reason not to trust him...He was basically my best friend at the moment since Olivia never texted back, she was busy with College and seldom checked her text at all. 

      My phone vibrated, tearing me out of my worry-filled haze. His name flashed across the screen twice before I lifted it and examined the text. 

James
      Hey, how's your weekend going so far? Can we talk? 

You
      It's only the morning..so pretty boring. What do you want to talk about? 

James
      I found out the night we were studying that my mom is dating Jade and Jude's father and I haven't been able to talk to my real father since. He's in jail, my father if you didn't already know and Jade and Jude have a different father. 

You
      Oh...that sucks? 

James
      What? The dating or the father in jail? 

You
      Both. So why can't you talk to your dad? 

James
      I don't know...I can't stop thinking about my mom and Rudy...Jade and Jude's father. My father would be crushed. He still loved her a lot when he went to jail, he asks about mom all the time when we talk even though she doesn't talk to him anymore. My dad still has hope that he might get out...but it's not looking good. He has life right now with no chance of parole. 

You
      Wow...Life...well it's good you're still talking to him. No one deserves to be alone. Do you like this Rudy guy? Why can't you just not tell your father about him?

James

      He's nice, he pays child support and treats Jade and Jude good from what I've heard. I don't know him well though because mom always schedules their visits when I'm not home. She said something about not wanting me to feel bad because they had a good father and I didn't. I don't really care, I'm just worried that my dad might lose hope after that. 

You
      890-768-7854

James
      What?

You
It's the number to my therapist. She does family sessions.

James
      Haha, very funny. Did therapy actually do anything though? For you? 

You
      Not really for me...I was in it after the crash for a long time but it didn't help. I ended up having panic attacks and crying most of the sessions because she always wanted to hear about the crash, how I felt about their deaths...etc. It reminded me, caused my nightmares to flare. Something about talking about it doesn't help me, it just brings everything back to that day. Plus, her signing was broken up, I had a hard time and I was just starting to learn it fluently. 

James
      Here I am complaining about my stupid problems when you've been through so much worse. 

You
      Just because the person next to you is in a full-body cast, doesn't mean your broken arm doesn't hurt -Tati Westbrook. Plus, I'm not as bad, I've been getting better and I'm pretty good now. I think you should wait on telling your father and just avoid it. If he asks about it then just say you don't know, because you kinda don't.