Crystal Eyes

~(25)~

~*E l l e r y*~

      I jolted awake when Ryan's hands yanked me up into a sitting position. My mind was still hazy with sleep and eyes still foggy and sticky. When I gulped down the wad of spit building in my throat, I found that my mouth was hoarse and sore. My breathing was harsh and heartbeat frantic. 

      Ryan was looking down at me in concern, his hands still planted around my arms. His hair was ruffled and pajama shorts wrinkled from slumber. I hadn't comprehended anything until now when I realized it was the middle of the night and Ryan was in my room with wide eyes. His hands trembling around my arms. I'd barely noticed my cheeks wet with tears. 

      What? Is everything okay? I signed hastily. 

      Is everything okay? You were screaming and crying. I thought someone was murdering you, God. Are you okay? You scared the living crap out of me, ladybug. My eyes grew wide when following his hand motions. I swiped my hand across my sweaty head, with my unstable hand. Hoarse throat, sweaty palm and forehead, shaky hands and rapid heartbeat and breathing. 

      With accelerated force, the nightmare I had came flooding back in one fell swoop. I shook my head and covered my face with my palms. I tried to think of something else, anything else but those memories of the crash stuck in my mind. Ryan didn't need to ask what just happened, he knew. His arms came around me instantly and his palm pushed my head onto his chest. 

      I didn't cry. I couldn't but I sniffled and held onto Ryan like in my younger years after the crash. It caused me to think of how close we were, how we'd told each other everything once and now that was no more. Now I was keeping things from him as he held me, unknowingly. I clutched his shirt and faced reality. That I had to tell him about Declan. 

      Do you want to talk about it? Ryan signed, wiping my face with his thumb. Not the dream...but something else. Something I've been keeping from you, I clarified. His hands dropped from my face, he only signed a quick, I'm listening. 

      Declan Mclairy...Our father...do you know him? Is that why you wanted to move to Hipridge?

      ...Yes. How did you find him? I've known about him for a while. I know he doesn't live far from here but I never told you because I never intended on meeting him. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. Are you mad? I let out a shaky breath and shook my head. No, you're going to be mad at me. He turned in, I only began speaking when I knew he was watching. 

      I found out about him with James...I sent him an email telling him who I was. Wait, that's not all. His wife, Emily works at Hipridge High. The night of the flooding, he came to get Emily and bring her home. He saw me and knew who I was, said he'd read my email. He can speak sign language so he offered to take us to his house for the night...I could see the rage building his face but I couldn't stop now

      ...We stayed there and I met him and he brought us to school the next morning, wait, he's so great Ryan and he never knew about us at all. It's not his fault. He wants to meet you, I've been talking to him a lot. He's-

      Stop Ellery! Stop. I can't believe you did this behind my back! We don't know him. He wasn't there for us! You went and stayed with some random man, what if he'd done something to you? What if he wasn't really our father and you just went with him? His signing was harsh, every movement getting more hostile. Tears welled up in my eyes, I attempted to shove them down. Ryan shook his head over and over, his disappointment hurt the hardest. Like a blow to my heart. 

      No, Ryan, he's amazing. He feels so guilty that he wasn't there for us. He didn't know about us, please. I've been talking to him and he's so nice. He really wants to meet you and tell you everything. He cares about me, he doesn't want to abandon us again. Please, I need this Ryan. We need this.