The Nanny

Chapter 4

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The next day after university, Leo tells me to wait for him at the park because he's going to be a little late. He's with his boyfriend.

I stroll around the park, enjoying the scenery. There's a big fountain in the middle, benches are around and birds are flying everywhere.

I decide to have a little swing in the swinging chair. Sitting on it, I look around. There's some couple walking around, holding hands. I stare at my own dry ass skin hand. I wonder when will I finally get a boyfriend so that we can do these cute stuff together.

I exhale heavily when I realise that maybe never. Whenever I ask myself if I want a boyfriend, my mind asks me yet another one.

"Do I really want a boyfriend? I mean is it worth it? Will I cry because of him?"

When my mind asks me all these questions, I realize that I'm better off alone. There's too much feelings and emotions needed in a relationship and I'm not ready for it. Yet.

My mind goes back to yesterday's incident again. Stefan is already married and have a child now. Time does pass really quickly, I guess.

It still feels recently when Leo and I were working as servers in studios where models does their photoshoot. It was quite fun, I think and smile. We were only eighteen and now we are already twenty one.

Among the models, Stefan White had been the most popular. He was that famous and maybe still is. He was just another rich arrogant guy who knew he had good looks and he flaunted it every time.

I remember Leo drooling at him when he was shooting some bodybuilding stuff. I had been dumb struck as well but no one needs to know that.

He was just a pretty face who knew how to get their way into women's pants. I remember once I was told to  give Stefan and some of his friends drinks in their room at the studio. I was so anxious. Leo was not even there that day.

I recall placing their drinks on the table when one of the guys had said, "How about this one Stefan?"

I was shocked when I realized that they were talking about me. When I had turned to look at them, Stefan was looking at me from top to bottom. I felt so uncomfortable.

He had shaken his head and murmured something to his friend who was beside him and all the while, he had a stupid smirk on his face.

"Yeah you're right", his friend had said. "Ugly"

It's like I can still hear them laughing about it. Going home that day, I had stood before the mirror, analyzing my looks. I remembered crying while staring at the mirror wishing I was beautiful. Back them, I was a little chubby and I loathed my cheeks a lot.

Leo had cursed the shit out of Stefan when he had found me being so upset that day.

Listen, I know some people might think that it's pathetic when you don't have self love for yourself but trust me when I say, it's really difficult to love yourself when you don't feel pretty.

Knowing that you are not pretty sucks but when someone points it out right on your face, it hurts.

But I'm braver than ever now. I know how to deal with these situations.

After giving them their drinks that day, I never did it again. But during Stefan's photoshoot, I remembered our eyes clashing every now and then. He  would often smirked as if enjoying the fact that he made me uncomfortable.