“jasper!” we yelled. we ran up the stairs in long strides and it sounded like glass breaking and my heart was jumping out of my chest. your father tried to open your door, but it was locked. he started banging on it, yelling words and suddenly i was very scared. your mother was down at the bottom of the stairs, wide-eyed with unshed tears and my mother looked worried.
are you okay? what are you doing?
“jasper, open up!” your father yelled, trying to open the door but yet to no avail. i stood in silence as thoughts went through my mind and i was just watching.
“can i try?” i whispered to him. he stopped abruptly and looked at me. he saw my worried expression and trembling fingers and he sighed.
“go ahead,” he whispered back, defeated. i looked at the closed door and looked at him. he must’ve got the message because he walked away and back down the stairs to comfort your mother.
i softly knocked on the door three times. i winced as i heard something hit the wall and i closed my eyes. “jasper,” i said as calm as i could. “it’s me.”
silence resounded and i held my breath.
“please, open the door.”
a small ‘click’ was heard and i exhaled. the door cracked open a bit and i waited a few seconds before i opened it and was met with disaster. clothes were strewn everywhere, the mirror was broken and there were two—no, three—holes in the wall that looked punched in or the aftermath of something getting thrown against it. there was a hairbrush snapped in half and shards of glass scattered by your bedside table.
you were sat on the floor, slumped with your back against the end of your bed. you wouldn’t look at me. you wouldn’t even glance up at me. i closed the door and after that, i walked over to you and sat down next you. i brought my knees up to my chest and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear.
“one to ten,” i said suddenly, causing you to jump a little. “ten being the worst, how are you feeling right now?”
the tension was thickening and i looked at you. your raven hair was covering up most of your jade eyes and you looked away. i wanted you to look at me, but i didn’t act on it. you brought a hand through your messy hair and sighed shakily.
“like a twelve,” you said. your voice was hoarse and it sounded like you were breaking piece by piece and i didn’t blame you. i went to hold your hand and it surprised me at how different your hand in mine felt. your hand wasn’t as calloused as it was before and they were cold. ice, ice cold and your knuckles were on the verge of lavender as they were ready to bruise.
“we’re in this together,” i said. “me and you.”
you looked up at me and your eyes were glossy and i felt like i could drown in your jade irises. you looked stricken and scared, and i wanted to take every bad memory and every piece of sadness or hurt away from you. i didn’t know what you were feeling on the inside, but i could tell.
“i lost you once, i’m not losing you again,” i whispered.
you nodded slowly and bit your lip. i had to look away as my emotions were screwing with me and your hand squeezed mine reassuringly. nothing else was said and that was okay. i didn’t expect nothing else and only our breathing was heard and i didn’t care if it was going to take you years to open up, i would wait.
hand in hand, i would wait.
because after all this time, i’m still stuck with you.
“i’m stuck with you, jasper.”
“i’m stuck with you, too.”
