valerie’s p.o.v.
“are you ready?” mom says from the living room when their car pulls up. i shake my head and curse jay for not being here with me. she had to go look around at apartments near her college and she told me to tell him that she said goodbye. i hate that word. goodbye. i’ve practiced in front of the mirror on saying goodbye and how it slips off your tongue and slips out of your fingers, too.
it’s a broken goodbye and goodbyes are terrifying.
“no,” i choke out. “i’m not.”
the doorbell suddenly rings and my heart goes into overdrive. “i can’t,” i whisper to my mom with wide eyes filled with unshed tears. “i can’t…”
“be strong,” she whispers as the doors open and there stands them. i stand up with wobbly knees and as soon as i do, his mom and dad engulf me into an embrace and i look up to see jasper standing by the doorway, just staring at me.
“we’ll miss you so, so much,” they say, but it sounds jumbled because our eyes are still locked and the jade in his irises are bright enough to light up a whole town. he looks breathtaking and when they let go of me, i almost stumble into them. they go to hug my mom and i walk up to him.
“hi,” i whisper, standing in front of him with my hands behind my back like a shy little girl.
“hi,” he whispers back, offering a small smile.
“so, this is it.”
“it’s the end,” he says quietly. i swear i just saw his lip quiver and i wrap my arms around his waist. he wraps his around mine, too, and he smells of musk and just warmth and i’ll never forget that smell.
“but a new start for new beginnings,” i say weakly into his chest and he sighs. “i’m gonna miss you so, so much.”
“we can run away,” he whispers and i grin through the tears. “come on, let’s just ditch this whole thing and start a new life together.”
“we can’t,” i say. i rub his back with my hand and he shivers. i close my eyes. “i’d love to.”
“i love you,” he says and he pulls me back a little bit to show off his wrist. the woven friendship bracelet is placed there and i smile while wiping my eyes.
“you still have it,” i say. he nods and holds up my wrist to find it naked. “it’s on my ankle,” i say, lifting up my jeans to uncover my woven bracelet. i grin up at him and his smile falters and i look at him, confusedly. “what?”
“your smile is beautiful, val.”
i flush in response and i sigh. “don’t forget me, okay?” i say. he interlinks our hands together and his are sweaty, but mine are, too. “please don’t forget me.”
“never,” he breathes. “don’t forget about me, either.”
“especially when you get a hot girlfriend,” i add, trying to lighten the mood.
he rolls his eyes in response. “especially when you get a hot boyfriend.”
i laugh softly and he laughs, too. his laugh is the best thing in the world. “especially then…” i say quietly.
“i guess it’s time to hit the road before the traffic gets too bad,” his mom pipes up. jasper walks over to my mom and bends down to give her a hug. my mom is on the verge of tears and it breaks my heart.
“thanks for everything,” jasper says to my mom and it makes her smile. i hug his parents one last time and when they walk to the door, i remember the journal.
“wait!” i yell and rush to my bedroom. i look around for the journal and when i find it, i grab it and run back to them, winded. “here,” i say to jasper, holding out my journal. “it’s for you.”
“your journal?” he asks, looking at it. i nod. he pulls me in for another hug and i don’t want to let go.
“i love you, too,” i whisper in his ear and he pulls back and his eyes roam over my face.
“forever?” he asks, holding up a pinky.
“and ever,” i say, interlocking our pinkies. he grins and his parents walk out to the car along with my mom and i sigh deeply and my chest aches and my heart is breaking.
we walk out together hand-in-hand and he stops when he’s by the backseat. he holds up our interlocked hands. “to new adventures and new beginnings,” he says.
“stay safe,” i say to him and he smiles at me cheekily.
“stay beautiful,” he says softly and i could’ve kissed him then and there at how cheesy this all was.
“don’t make me fall in love with you again,” i warn and he laughs. “jay said bye, by the way.”
“tell her i said bye, too.”
he unlocks our hands and they feel cold and his must do, too, because he looks at his. his jade eyes then interlock on mine and i push his raven hair out of his eyes. i cup the side of his face and the little scar is still there.
“have fun,” i say lightly and he opens the backseat door.
“see you?”
“maybe,” i respond, smiling. my mom laughs at that and so do his parents. but it’s not supposed to be funny.
“goodbye, valerie.”
“goodbye, jasper.”
he gets in the car and before he shuts the door, he winks at me. “don’t be afraid,” he says and closes the door. the car starts and i’m staring at him through the window.
he offers one last smile and as the car pulls out of the driveway as his parents wave through the rolled down windows, a heavy realization falls: he’s gone.
i didn’t lose him just because he’s gone. we were on the verge of being found. i found him through the midst of it all and he’s going to find himself, too. i’m going to find myself as well.
“are you okay?” mom asks. i look out and the sun is setting and their car is gone.
“yeah,” i say. i take a deep breath and i blink back the tears. “i will be."
