you never came back up to my room. you stayed in the kitchen, staring at the window. i know, i checked up on you. you had this look on your face that was between pain and regret and all i kept thinking was, “did i do that?”
i guess i ruined whatever we had, whatever our friendship consisted of. all because of that stupid, fucking journal. i rest my forehead against the wall and sigh heavily.
“i’m sorry,” i whisper to myself, but it went out to you. “i’m so damn sorry.”
“val?” a voice says, making me jump. you’re standing there with a cup in your hand, which i’m guessing is the tea, and you have a concerned look on your face. i look away.
“are you okay?” you ask, reaching out a hand in which i flinch away from.
i nod in response, even though i’m crumbling on the inside.
“you’re not, are you?”
i sniff loudly and that’s when a sob comes out of me, i close my eyes and try to grip the wall, but i end up sliding down the wall and hiding my face with my hair.
you’re standing there, looking down at me with wide eyes. you kneel in front of me and brush my sprawled hair off of my forehead.
“why are you crying?” you ask hoarsely, staring into my eyes with your jade ones. my bottom lip quivers, but you place your thumb on my bottom lip and my stomach clenches. “is it because of me?”
you retract your thumb from my lip and you sit down right next to me instead. you don’t look at me. you look straight ahead of you and you sigh deeply as i try to catch my breath.
“what was that journal?” you whisper. “i…” you trail off and silence follows until i speak up.
“it helped me,” i say, just as quietly. “it was there when you weren’t…”
you exhale shakily and run a hand through your raven hair. “were there more entries than that?”
i end up nodding and you slam your hand on the wooden floor, making me jump a little. i feel bad and i feel like everything is my fault and you’re tore up. you’re gnawing on your lip and i just want to take back everything and burn that whole journal—
you’re suddenly staring at me with a look on your face and the side of your lip twitches as you stare at me. it’s so heavy and i feel pulled in like a magnet and you’re not saying anything. just staring, staring, staring.
“you’re beautiful,” you whisper. my face flushes as you bring a hand to the side of my face and your eyes are travelling over every inch of my face, as if you haven’t seen me in forever.
“i’m fucked up, val,” you say. “i’ll end up destroying everything and i’ll hurt you. i’ll make you cry, but i’ll also make you smile. i’ll make you hate me. i’ll—“
“everyone has faults, jasper,” i say. “you went through something traumatic and even though i wasn’t there to help you, my god, i wish i was. i waited every single day for you to come back and you never showed up and i felt like i wanted to die, because i thought you were dead and i hated myself for not getting down to the bottom of it. i’m your best friend and all i wanted was you to come back and i just wanted you to be fucking okay. i just—“
you place two fingers under my chin, making me stop my rambling. you give me a small smile. “i was afraid you’d give up on me.”
“never,” i say breathily, shaking my head.
“i’m scared,” you say quickly. “i’m-i’m terrified, actually…”
“then, let’s be terrified together.”
and you bring your face closer to mine and i close my eyes. our lips touch so gently, so smoothly. you kiss me slowly and i place my hand on your shoulder to steady myself and your hand travels from my chin to my waist and i feel bliss. i feel happiness and i smile into our kiss and you smile, too. you break away and your lips are red and i bet mine are as well.
“i love you, too," you say. i end up smiling and the light in your eyes are shining ever so bright. you give me a quick kiss, but i don’t have enough time to react because you pull away too quickly.
“this is so cheesy,” i say, but my voice comes out shy and you laugh.
“yeah,” you agree. “but, it’s perfect.”
and the smile that you gave me, stays on my face for the rest of the night.
