jasper’s p.o.v.
three years later.
it was raining. it was pouring, actually. thunder and lightning followed behind it and it made me miss back home. it was sunny in that part of the town and over here, it’s a blundering mess of rain and snow, but i’m not complaining, really. it’s beautiful over here and it was worth the move.
kind of. i got my own apartment and it’s cozy and spacious and sometimes i’ll throw little parties here and there. i’ve met many people and nobody knows about my past, and it’s so breathtakingly great, but so painfully raw that sometimes, i don’t know, either.
i stretch and turn on the tv and i go to stand up, when i notice a little journal in the bookshelf. valerie’s. i have yet to read it. valerie and i have lost contact throughout the years we’ve been apart, and that’s okay. i hear she’s doing well and i’ve heard she’s moved on. she’s probably smiling bigger than ever now. it still hurts my heart knowing she’s moved on, but that’s life, i guess. it was expected.
because i moved on, too.
i miss her still. i dream of her sometimes and sometimes, nightmares and flashbacks happen and i’ll wake up in the middle of the night. maybe it was better her mother told me to stay away.
i got into fire rescue over a year ago. maybe valerie would be proud of me for accomplishing my dream. did she ever follow into her dreams? i wonder what and who she is now. some mysteries, i guess, will be unsolved.
i grab the journal and trace the worn and torn spine. to new beginnings. i take a deep breath and open it slowly and carefully. i can do this. closure, jasper. closure. i flip to the first entry and i start to read each and every page and by the end, my heart is heavy and i feel like calling her, but i don’t. it’s way past midnight and i’m not even sure she has the same number. i won’t call her, either, because she’s doing well and i’m doing fine and—
my heart skips a beat when i see the last page. it was dated two days before i left.
8/9
to: jasper
dear jasper,
it’s me. you’re probably reading this years later or maybe even days after, and that’s okay. or maybe you’re not reading this at all. that’d be okay, too.
i just wanted to say thank you. thank you for the smiles and the kisses and holding my hand when things got tough. thank you for being the best best friend anyone could ever ask for. even though times got tough and we latched on for hope, it was still the best years of my life. and it was all because of you.
oh, and this cool scar i have on my stomach. i’ll tell everyone i got bit by a shark. is that okay? it better be. i probably already told people.
anyways, did you know i love you? i can’t stop saying it, jasper. i love you, i really do. no one could compete with you no matter how hard they try and it’ll always be you. you’re everywhere in my life and just like you said, i’ll find pieces of you everywhere. perhaps in the grocery story, like that one time when i knocked over the banana stand and you chased me to go get eggs. do you remember that? i still laugh over that.
but i love you. it’s scary and beautiful and so were you. minus the scary part. you were a little intimidating, though.
i remember the day you came home after the year of your disappearance. it seemed unreal and when i saw you for the first time in that police station, i remember how my heart did that flippy-over thing and i knew right then and there i was screwed.
i fell in love with you even though i knew deep down in my heart you wouldn’t have stayed. we were in love for a short time and we didn’t do nearly as many things as we wanted to, but i’m glad i did some stuff with you. i noticed your eyes and how dull they looked and the humor got sucked out of you. there were no funny moments anymore, just funny incidents. are you laughing wherever you are now?
but now i get to finally say goodbye with closure. i’m sorry in advance if i cry all over your shoulder the day we do say goodbye. deep down, i don’t want to. i want to say hello and start over, but i know reality won’t have any of that.
reality is scary, jasper. you always loved my big imagination. it’s still here. it’s never going to go away.
i hope you’re doing good, my love. i hope you’re smiling and laughing and having the best time of your life. i hope you have kids that are proud to call you their dad, and i hope your girlfriend or wife makes you happier than i ever did. i hope, jasper. you deserve it.
i hope you never lose yourself and i hope your bad memories never haunt you again. i hope you’re perfect and i hope you’re safe.
because i love you. and i’ll miss you.
(this is the part where we say cheesy lines but you’re not here so i’ll just write them instead.)
“forever?” you would say. and i would be cheesy and i would smile at you and i would respond with, “and ever.”
we were so cheesy, but i wouldn’t have traded it for anything else.
to new beginnings, jasper.
to new starts and to bigger and better things and maybe someday, we’ll meet again. maybe under the northern lights on a christmas eve night years away from now. one day. if the universe is kind to us.
until then, jasper.
love, valerie.
i sigh deeply and i stare at the page until the words don’t make sense anymore. i sniff, realizing crying wouldn’t change anything. it’s in the past, jasper. it’ll be okay. i take out my phone and scroll through my contacts until her name pops up. i sigh deeply and my fingers tap away on the keyboard. it takes twenty minutes to decide if i’m going to send it or not, but i do.
12:45 a.m.
jasper: forever?
my heart races in my chest and i set down my phone and carefully close the journal. it must’ve meant so much to her and she let me read each and every page. i slowly place it back in the bookshelf and i pinch myself to see if i’m dreaming, but i’m not. i’m awake.
i go over to make a cup of tea, even though it’s late at night. maybe it’ll soothe my nerves or—
beep.
i glance over at my phone to see it light up and i almost drop the cup. i walk over to it slowly and i pick it up with a shaky hand and read the text.
12:53 a.m.
valerie: and ever.
