the next day, you decided to show your face.
you knocked on the door and my mom was home, so she answered it.
“val, jasper’s here!”
i was in bed underneath the covers and i groaned, pushing my face in the pillow, ignoring my mom and jasper. there was a knock on my bedroom door and i sighed as the door opened anyways.
“val?” you ask, closing the door. i heard a quiet ‘click’, so i’m guessing you closed the door. i keep still and i feel the bed dip and weight pressed against my side. then i realized you’re lying next to me.
“what’s wrong?”
i uncover my face from the blankets and notice you’re a few inches from my face, so my eyes go wide and out of instinct, i back up some. you look at me, confusedly.
“what’s troubling you?” you ask, sitting up.
“i don’t know,” i mumble. you roll your eyes and your hands are underneath my arms and i protest, but you sit me up and i glare at you. “why’d you sit me up?”
“so you can tell me what’s wrong—“
“where were you those two days?” i blurt. you stare at me with a blank look until you speak up.
“home,” you say, but your voice cracks at the end and you clear your throat. “i’ve been home.”
“you promise?”
“why do we have to promise everything, val?”
i look away and down towards the ground. “i don’t wanna lose you again.”
“but you’ve said that so many times already!” you suddenly shout, startling me. “how many times do i have to tell you i’m not going anywhere?” you whisper and i start to shake my head but you gently grip my shoulders so i’m facing you. “what are you thinking about so hard?”
“are those guys going to go away?” i ask in a hushed voice. now it’s your time to look away. you gulp and rub your neck.
“i want them to,” you honestly say, pausing. “i-i saw the guy that tried to grab me yesterday and—“
“what?” i ask with wide eyes. “where? why didn’t you tell me?”
you shush me and i stop asking questions. “i was walking to your house and i saw him outside,” you turn to look at me. “and he... he was by your driveway, val…”
i kick the covers off of me and i feel like screaming. you pull me in for a hug but i slap you away, but you don’t pull away. this is like day one, when we met at the police station for the first time ever since you left. you place me on your lap and you cradle me and you shush me and i’m sobbing, but you’re shaking, too.
“why-why—“
“they’re not gonna hurt you, val—“
“bullshit,” i hoarsely whisper. “we have to call somebody—“
“we can’t—“
“why?” i ask, pulling my tear-streaked face away from your chest and i look at you. “why can’t we?”
“because—“
“because fucking why?!” i shriek and you look taken back and it’s silly of me getting worked up over something that may not even happen, but it’s danger. it’s potentially dangerous and i’ve never been this close to life and death, even if it isn’t. it’s scary and i’m scared for jasper and everyone around us.
“because they’ll come after us… the police will arrest me because-because i…”
“because you’ve killed, too?”
you nod and your eyes are turning glossy and i go to kiss your lips but you turn your head before i can. “i won’t let that happen,” i say. “you’re innocent, it was all just—“
“an accident?” you finish. “it wasn’t, val!” you stand up and i’m thrown off your lap and you grab at your hair in fistfuls. my heart drops and my stomach feels nauseous but i listen to you anyways. “i… i was forced to, yeah, but i didn’t say no…”
“it wasn’t your fault, jas—“
“it was!” you yell, turning red. “we wouldn’t be in this mess if i didn’t kill jared in the first place!”
suddenly, life seems hazy and it’s in slow motion as i run to the bathroom and heave. you come inside the bathroom and sit down next to me, pulling my hair out of my face to rub my back. i start to cry and rest my forehead against the toilet seat as you’re mumbling, “i’m sorry,” over and over.
but i can’t hear you. i can’t hear what you’re saying. your mouth is moving but i can’t hear a thing. but i heard the sound of loud knocking, glass shattering, and i hear the sound of my mother yelling, but i can’t hear you as your eyes turn wide and your mouth is moving at rapid speed. and i defiantly don’t hear you when you stand up and run out the door.
because all i hear is the world crumbling at my feet.
