Guilty pleasure // a Dramione story

Chapter 46

Hermione's P.O.V

No one could cheer Draco up. He was miserable for the rest of the week. we hung out at our spot any day he wanted and the teachers let him leave classes whenever he wished. needless to say he wasn't in class a lot now.

"Draco?" I say while we sat in the library. He didn't answer. He was just staring at the dusty books on the shelf. "Draco are you ok?" That was a stupid question. He shrugs and goes back to staring into nothing.

"You need to cheer up. You can't be like this forever its not what your mum would have wanted!" Blaise says.

"Well I will never know what she wanted because I never got to say goodbye. she never even wrote me a note once! I have been here all year and not even one note!"

"Draco its not your fault!"

"But what if it is? i mean what if she was stressing over having a kid and all the house inspections they were doing because of my dad? she was going crazy anyway so what if her thinking about having a child that is constantly getting into fights at school, possibly joining the death eaters?"

"What?" I pipe in. Joining the what? he ignores my question and continues speaking.

"What if it was just to much for her and she gave up?"

"Draco. You are going to blame yourself. wish you spent more time with her or wished that you were kinder but no matter what you tell yourself you need to know that it was NOT your fault." Ginny says. We all fill with tears, "I know. after Fred died everyone was in so much grief. we all blamed it on ourselves but all that did was make us sadder. remember the good times you had with her rather then the time you wished you had." She rubs his shoulder and gives him a warm smile. was I the only one that heard the death eater comment? not the time Hermione, not the time!

............................

We had charms today. it was the first lesson i had with Draco all week and the first lesson he stayed in the whole time. We just watched a movie about a powerful wizard only using charms rather then using hex's to defeat bad guys. it was supposed to tell us that you can do a lot with good, a lot better then with bad. it was way more interesting them the stupid documentaries we used to watch. Who have I become? after the lesson, we were all laughing and joking around like we used to do. as if we never found out Narcissa had died. It was good though. Draco started talking about his childhood, and the stories she would tell him and the places they would go. But through all the merriment, i kept thinking about his death eater comment. what did he mean? was he going to join them? Why are they back again anyway? I had so many questions but i didn't want to bum him out with all of them. it was after dinner, Ginny and I had stuffed our faces with everything we could and Draco asked me to come back to his dormitory. I had been in there a few time while studying and tutoring but every time i step in I get a wave of coldness that shocks me every time.

"I still love this place." It was so much cooler and spookier then the ones in Gryffindors common room.

"Eh. Its ok." he says shrugging and sitting down on the bed. i wonder why he asked me to come up here. "Thank you for trying to comfort me today."

"Trying?" I laugh. he turns pink. "Its ok I am bad at doing it anyways."

"It doesn't matter whether you are good at it or not. You tried and that's what really counts!" he says trying to sound more endearing but it just sounded rehearsed. i giggle. i look around the room as if it was the first time i had been in there. i look at each of the scattered posters along the walls. it was giving me serious OCD. there was a cupboard on one side of his bed and a small tall boy on the other side. on top of the tall boy, there was a light, a cup of water, a book and a large stack of letters. they were all in their envelope and addressed to Draco. that's odd. who was he sending letters to? I pick up the stack of letters and open one of the envelopes slowly. the wax seal was a pine green with an owl stamped into it. the paper was all crinkled and torn but i could still read what it said.

"Draco what is this?" i ask. he spins around and sees me with the letters. his eyes go wide and he shoots up from the bed. "Dear Draco, we haven't heard from you yet. We are waiting for your answer. P.s This isn't really a choice; Dear Draco, Delphini doesn't like to be kept waiting and neither do I; Dear Draco, leave that stupid school and all the stupid Mudblood's and come rule that world; Dear Draco, Delphini is of age. She has risen and is sworn to all that defeated her parents the last time, she will win and avenge them. I have escaped from Azkaban. Join us again. all signed from your dad!" I flip through the letters. Each one i read makes me feel worse and worse. Draco gets up and tries to take the letters out my hand but fails.

"Hermione!" he says, his eyes going glassy. I pull away and read one last letter,

"Dear Draco, I believe that the Hogwarts students are going on a trip to Hogsmeade in a couple days. Help us attack your so called 'friends'. YOU KNEW ABOUT HOGSMEADE! and you did nothing!"

"What was i supposed to do?"

"Stop it! tell the teachers!"

"They would have known and gone after the whole school! they are smart and evil like that!" he says. he was getting desperate. i scoff. my eyes started to sting. "And besides i didn't do nothing! I made sure you didn't come. I..." he paused. i look at him with confusion. and then it hit me.

"Oh my god. you cursed me so i wouldn't go to Hogsmeade! That's what you meant by 'it hurt when you did it the first time'" i felt sick to my stomach. it seemed though he was trying to protect me but that nice gesture went straight over my head.

"I couldn't let them hurt you!"

"But what about the other hundred odd kids that went to hospital because of it?" we were both shouting at this point.

"I'M SORRY! I fucked up, I know I did and I regret it every day!" a fat tear rolls down his cheek and splashes on the ground. seeing him upset breaks my heart. he walks towards the wall, stressed and angry, more at himself then anyone else. i was kind of mad but seeing his sad was overpowering the angryness. i loved him and now i mad him upset because of... what? Things started slowing down as I saw his fist hit the wall. Smashing angrily at the dark walls. I was overpowered with strange emotions. i had never felt this way before. I wasn't controlling my body when i flew in front of his fist.

"NO! STOP! Don't hurt yourself!" i scream. i watch as his hand comes to a stop in the air. his eyes went from evil to filled with sorrow and depression. the tears had dripped onto the floor with little splashes. "Since when?"

"since i was a little kid. when my dad..." he trailed off. i was hurting inside. after all that he has gone through this week and now this happens.

"Is this why you have the posters?" i stutter. he doesn't say anything, he just nods his head. a tear falls out from my eye. "I'm so sorry Draco. You should have told me."

"I was ashamed, scared, ashamed that i was scared," I giggle which makes me smile.

"We could have done something together."

"Hermione. I will always worry about you. always worry that I cant take care of you. because i know i am not good enough to take care of you."

"Who says."

"Anyone! Me... I don't know. i just don't trust myself with your safety."

"But i do and that's all that should matter."

"I'm sorry Hermione." he says. he steps back, away from me. his hand hovers over his wand on the side of his hip.

"Draco what are you doing?" i ask. my voice goes timid. he shuts his eyes tight, a tear forces out. i watch his sad face and his hand which grabs his wand. i sigh. my breath speeds up. i step back as Draco does. "Please Draco." i say. he rises his hand slowly and shakily. why? why is he doing this?

"I love you Hermione." he cries.

"I love you too."

"Obliviate." everything goes black.