Light of the Midnight: My Own Star (A Young Justice {Robin} Fanfiction)

Thirty Six: Disadvantage

~

This was my last mission; that much I was aware of. How stupid was I, telling them they'd get in the way? They're my team. They could have helped.

I am falling to my death. The only thing keeping me from burning up in the Earths atmosphere is my suit. 

My back faces the Earth, my hair pointing upwards from the wind hitting it. I was going to die. I couldn't move. Frozen.

But I still managed to save her.

~

(One Hour Earlier)

Over the course of the next week, Robin and I kept our distance from each other. I was never around the cave anyway. I was constantly searching for Alure.

Sleep had become something different entirely. Klarion always entered my dreams. He would take my hand and we would be in water again. His attempt to traumatise me with my own fear.

However, I was still deep trauma from the mission we had. The team were in an equal condition. Klarion noticed my distress. I know the worry in his eyes was real.

It wasn't until I swept past Belle Reve prison in the Denominator, that Black Canary called me in for my psych session.

I returned to the cave and walked into the lounge. The whole team was there. They looked up at me. I glanced back, but not for long.

Eventually I found myself sitting in Black Canary's office.

"The word trauma has been used a lot...would you say it's an accurate description of how you are feeling?" She asked me. I felt comfortable in this, so I wiggled in my seat and sighed.

"Traumatic? ...Yeah. That sounds about right. Only..."

"Only?" I looked up at her and took a deep breath, closing my eyes and staring at my shoes.

"I'm Emerald Star, right? Whilst the others are ecstatic about saving a small group of people or a country I...I'm underwhelmed. I've saved planets...rescued entire species...out there I'm loved, in here I'm the...weak, emotional one. When the planet was in jeopardy I felt so...so..." 

Deep down I knew the right word. How would she perceive me if I use it?

"...so privileged." I didn't look up to see her reaction. Didn't need to. "When it was my time to shine...to show the team what I could really do...I screamed and complained and cried like a useless little baby."

I hid my face in my hands, finally allowing myself to accept the truth. "Now that I think about it, how stupid did I sound? So over-confident, so self-centred. I know that it doesn't matter who or what quantity you save, it's that you save them. But I still feel like nothing here. When I was called for my last ES mission I couldn't wait. Being solo, doing it single handedly felt so right. I've come to realise; all this time I thought I held some advantage over the team. Like I could taunt them, 'I've been to planets whose names you can't even pronounce'. But now I know. That's a weakness, not an advantage. Overconfidence. Ignorance. That was one of the things that traumatised me. I realised that during the mission."

After that I took a deep breath and looked up. Black Canary was surprised. I waited for her solution.

"Hana, it's not a disadvantage, because it can be changed. Express these feelings to your team. Tell them of your off-world adventures. Robin, Kid Flash and Aqualad have similar problems on a lower scale. They are used to working with their mentor. You can't deny that when you work with the Lanterns, you barely need to talk to know the plan. However...I do think there is more to this than you're telling me," she said, leaning back.