I'm blessed to be me

CHAPTER 35

The next morning I left for school in a hurry as usual, this time only to forget my tablets.

The fact decided to take a toll on me at my third class and when I felt I couldn't hold up anymore I was sent home. I missed my other classes.

My aunt was fussing over me and my carelessness.

"How could a girl like you be so careless?" she chides "A girl like you should be up early..."

Blah, blah...

I block out the other usual words.

A girl like you should not eat tomato chutney, a girl like you should not want to go out, a girl like you is not fit for sports, a girl like you should not stress over studies.

Don't do this. Don't do that.

Not this. Not that.

C'mon I know I am a patient already. There's absolutely no need to slap it on my face from time to time.

But my sub conscious mind can't help but register the words and when I again get into the depths of those, it hurts.

I slip into oblivion, before my tears slip.

When I was again getting told off by my father in the evening, I go and lock myself into the bedroom (not technically, 'cause I'm not allowed to) to avoid further commotion.

But my foolish mind contradicts me and goes on to register each and every word that stabs my heart.

I believe 'True words are spoken when angry' and count on it.

To suppress my naïve tears, I try to catch a slumber. However, as always, my mom senses my mood and comes to lie beside me.

The next second I know I'm held in the warm embrace of my mother, my face buried in her chest, crying my eyes out.

With each ripping sob, my heart clenches.

"Why are crying, my darling?" my mom asks, herself sobbing.

Coming to think of it, I actually have no reason.

I'm just disturbed.

After all, I'm just an ill teen girl.

I'm tired.

Tired of my reckless demons,

Tired of my painful scars,

Tired of my relentless internal battles,

Tired of my fake smiles and wearing an I-don't-give-a-damn façade.

After all, fighters need a break too.

I shake my head and continue to pour out till I feel light-headed and fall into a slumber, cursing the day I was born.

______________*_______________

Which turns out to be today.

"Happy birthday Athima" Appa wakes me up softly.

I turn around away from him. I was angry with him, still.

"I'm sorry Athima. I was concerned about you. I just went over-board with it" Appa apologises "Forgive Appa ma" he says with puppy dog eyes and next second I forgive him.

But not forget.

That's the case with my dad and me everytime we fight.

"Okay pa, I'll be up in 5 minutes" I say and he leaves wishing me 'Happy Birthday' once again.