Growing.

B25.

Blair Morgan|Mesyiah Jones.

"You not gon talk to me?" Mesyiah asked me as I folded his shirts.

"What do we have to talk about, Mesyiah?" I asked back glancing up seeing he was leaning on his dresser.

"I don't know you tell me, you ain't said shit to me since you got here. I ain't did shit to you so why you upset?"

"I'm not upset, I don't know what you even talking about." I mumbled shrugging.

"Blair."

"Mesyiah."

"Tink I can't make whatever you feeling a way about better unless you open up your mouth and say what you gotta say." he said to me making me sigh.

I don't wanna sound selfish because that's exactly how this will sound but I don't want Mesyiah to leave me. In two days he'll be leaving to start school and leaving me here until I can sort out everything. To go from seeing somebody everyday to only on FaceTime calls is gonna he hard.

"It's nothing, Syiah." I lied making him smack his lips.

"Why you lying to me? Hm?" he sat right in front of me on his bed. "What's wrong baby?"

"Nothing- it's just I'm gonna miss you." I said dropping his shirt and crossing my arms over my chest. "And I know you're so excited to leave and go to college so I don't want to make you feel bad by crying and complaining but I really am."

"Where I'm going? Just because I'm not here physically-"

"But I want you here physically." I said letting him pull me off the floor and into his lap. "I'm sorry, I sound selfish."

"No you don't, you sound honest. I asked you what was wrong and you're telling me." he said. "You know I love you, right?" I nodded. "Is it something else bothering you?"

"I don't want to get cheated on again." I said playing with the bottom of his white shirt.

"C'mon Tink, don't cry. You know I don't like seeing you cry." he said.

"I'm sorry I just love you so much and I don't to not be with you." I cried trying to stop but I couldn't. "Please don't cheat on me."

"I'm not gon cheat Tink, ion even got that in me to do that to you. I love you, you know that?" I nodded putting my face in his chest. "Ima go up here and go to school, that's all Tink."

"I know that, I don't know I'm doubting you." I said.

"Obviously I'm doing something if you doubting me, so what is it?" I shook my head putting my face in my hands.

"You're doing everything right, Mesyiah. I don't know." I mumbled. "Forget it."

I got up from his lap and walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind myself, I sat on the toilet putting my face in my hands. I feel selfish and stupid crying for no reason, I trust him 100%, he's given me no reason not to. I just get really bad separation anxiety.

"Tink I know what you've been through and I've seen with my own eyes how it's affected you, with seeing that I could never ever put you through that again. Sometimes I think I love you more than I love myself, I see myself marrying you and I see you having all my kids. I don't look at girls how I look at you, I can always count on you because you solid, and I can't find anywhere, honestly I don't want to." Mesyiah said from the other side of the door. "Whether we're 2 miles away or 2,000, my heart gon always be with you."

I stood up from the toilet and opened the door, hugging him tightly letting him kiss the top of my head. "I love you more."

I lifted my head from his chest, pushing his hair from his face I stood on my tip toes and connected our lips, I was really in love, like in real life. I thought that when I was with Christian I was in love, but Mesyiah made me feel something different.

When I'm Mesyiah I feel protected and not just in a physical sense but in a emotional sense too, because I know he'd never hurt me, it put me at ease. Because I know I can trust him, it put me at ease. He did everything right.

I wonder where I'd be right now if I never even met Mesyiah, if I never went to that party with my ex best friend, if I never got cheated on by my supposed first love. What would I be doing? Would I still be with Christian? Would I still be friends with Daisha? Would they still be sleeping together?

I listened to my mom and dads love story over and over again, because to me it was perfect, they were perfect. I wonder if Mesyiah and I's love would be like theirs? Would it last as long as theirs.

I remember my suicide attempt, crying as I forced myself to swallow handfuls of pills at a time, screaming in pain as I slit my wrists, clenching my eyes closed feeling myself slowly branching away from life. I remember my mom finding me, laid across the bathroom floor, I remember the scream she let out as she dropped to the floor beside me. Begging God to please just let me be okay. Holding my head in her arms as she rocked us back and forth, her tears falling from her eyes and onto my forehead.

Therapy, three times a week for two years, constant hovering and no privacy. My dad telling me I was perfect everyday of my life, til this day. Sometimes I wonder how life would be if I actually would've died. Then I see how happy I am now and it makes me think about if things were actually that bad.

Now here I am happy, after being with Mesyiah I've decided that I haven't actually been happy in a while, until getting with him. I see myself marrying him, I see myself having his kids, I see myself being successful with him, I see myself growing old with him, and I see myself dying with him. Everything I see, I see him there with me. I feel so blessed to be able to be in his presence, everyday I'm around him is a gift.

I'm in love.

Over the past year I've just grown so much. As a daughter, as a friend, and as a person. I feel grown, happy with myself about the decisions I've made and who I've made them with. I thank God for giving me another chance at life because I would've never known what real love is like and for that I'm so grateful, for everything.

whew last chapter, quite emotional for a bitch to write. I can't believe it's over. I'm so sad. wow y'all really tryna convince to drag this book out but I'm telling y'all that if I do it's gonna be halfassed because I won't be interested anymore.

BUT

I have a new book called "Just Us" and it's hood rat teen fiction, my specialty. I love it already.

I'm sick I got y'all saying big dot. mhm yeah I be seeing y'all in other folks comments saying it😂😂😂y'all too cute.

I honestly really do hope y'all love my new book and show love to it how y'all did this one, that would make me so happy. ugh. it's different from anything I've written before, I try to do different shit in each of my books because my writing used to be bull shit

Q48: have y'all read my other books Changing and Acceptance?

Q49: who the best rapper from city girl? JT or Yung Miami?

next chapter is the epilogue.