Vile Games (book two)

36 - a blade in ethans heart

song for chapter:
messages to her - sabrina claudio
| a piece of me ain't there
'cause nothing can compare |
(highly recommend + put on repeat)

***FLASHBACK***

1 year after moving in together
san diego, california.
saturday, 7:00am
jaylee's pov

my eyes blankly stared out at the backyard as the early morning rain was the only sound outside. a red oversized hoodie protected me from getting wet as I sat on the damp balcony floor with my head leaning forward against the metal bars.

I never realized how silent the world is in the morning when everyone is still asleep.

the sun had just risen about an hour ago and I haven't slept tonight. my brain has been too busy to even have a chance of falling asleep.

my heart physically feels like it has completely torn into two pieces.

the only thing replaying in my head is the amount of pain I felt when osman fully snapped me out of whatever fucking illusion I was in.

the instant realization of knowing you're going to break your fucking soulmates heart is the worst pain i've ever been through.

and I've been shot before for gods sake.

I will never be able to forgive myself for what I did tonight. there's no excuses and there's no fixing it.

the amount of dread I have in me as I don't know when he's going to unknowingly wake up is terrifying.

having to look in his precious hazel eyes and tell him the truth knowing it's going to destroy him... fuck, I'm not even going to be able to look at him.

back in high school when he had hurt me, never once did I ever wish anything bad upon him. I never want him to be hurt or upset. I want to help him through everything.

if you would have told me back then that i'd be the one to end up as the bad guy, I wouldn't have believed it for a second.

I've been the one who wants to protect him from hurt...

and now here we are. it's me who's going to break him.

I'll never be able to look at myself the same. there isn't any other words for it. I am disgusted with myself. and I will be until I can no longer remember.

the balcony door slid open, causing me to break from my thoughts as I looked over my shoulder to see who it was.

no surprise, it was ethan walking outside onto the balcony.

ethan yawned as he shut the door behind him. "there you are." his voice was soft as he ran one of his hands through his hair and walked towards where I was sitting.

being too afraid of speaking to him, I turned my head to look back forward. immediately my heart sank and all of the nerves in my body began to shake.

he bent down next to me, pressing his lips softly against my cheek before sitting. his arms rested on his knees as he looked at me beside him.