Nathan Northwood is simply living the perfect life every teenage boy dreams of. He is rich, handsome, captain and star player of the basketball team, could have any girl he wants and is basically the king of EverGreen High. However, Nathan wears a c...
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NATHAN
One month later
"I'm Nathan. I used to act like a superior popular jock because it kept me in control. It made me feel normal because I knew that if I wasn't that guy, all I was left with was depression and loneliness," I began, finally looking up from my lap to look at my friends listening to my story.
I inhaled a deep breath. "I think all of this, with me, started when I was fourteen and one night I couldn't sleep. It was the beginning of anxiety and fear of not doing the right thing and ruining everything. I just got really stressed. It was important that I slept well because I had a game the next day, and then I got problems with sleeping. When I went to bed, I thought, everyone is sleeping now but not me. I felt bad. It bothered me so much because then I wouldn't play well the next day and dad wouldn't be proud of me."
The memories came running back and I clenched my fists in my lap. Dad had always been in the picture. It was always mostly about pleasing him, but also myself.
"When I turned fifteen in freshman year, I started getting more muscles after playing basketball for five years. I thought, what if I run more and lift heavier weights? Will I be more muscular? I got obsessions about working out. I thought the more lean and muscular I was, the better. I sat up rules, and when it worked, I continued to follow those rules," I added.
Then, came the real problem I had been denying for so long. "I got addicted to working out and to food. I had to work out at specific times and also several times a day. I could only eat one type of food. I couldn't break these rules and it was like I had a demon's voice in my head. The voice controlled my life and it was there constantly. When I didn't listen to the voice, I felt really guilty. I got anxiety and I panicked."
Hope was smiling at me. I was far from done talking, but she looked so proud. She was here along with Cody, a part of the circle because I owed them this explanation after everything they had done for me.
"So I gained weight and my appearance changed quickly. People forgot I used to be the skinny kid in elementary school. I made more friends and started to fit in more. Cayden was my best friend, but when I joined the basketball team, I had to choose my teammates and working out over him. I couldn't hang out with him because he could ruin my routines. It was important I wasn't distracted by other things. That voice in my head didn't like that," I paused and moved my gaze to Cayden who's softened gray eyes were settled on me. I couldn't help but smile.
"But then my teammates got in the way too. They didn't work out as much as I needed to, so I worked out more than them. Eventually, all I could think about was food, sleep and working out. I started working out, like ten times a week. Nothing mattered except for food and lifting heavier and heavier weights. Plus perfect grades and winning every basketball game. I had no idea where these rules came from but I had to follow all of them. Every time I went to work out, entered a classroom for a test or got on the basketball field, I stressed and worried if I'd be able to do better than last time, but I just ended up feeling like a frightened little boy in an enormous body. It was me against myself."
