✓ [18+] A THOUSAND MILES FROM NOWHERE

XIV. Grandma's Chamomile Tea

A/N: So how about that kiss at the end of last chapter?
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XIV. Grandma's Chamomile Tea

I keep tossing and turning, feeling restless as I lay in my bed. When I look at my phone I notice it's nearly three in the morning. I know if I can't fall back asleep now, then I probably won't at all. Deciding to get up, I throw on a thin cardigan over my pajama shorts and tank top. I make my way quietly downstairs not to wake anyone but when I look up half way down the stairs, I notice the kitchen light is on.

Grandma is sitting at the kitchen table drinking some warm tea, looking completely exhausted. Working from open to close during the week can be tiring. To younger people, twelve hours may not seem like much but as you get older, it puts a strain on your body. I'm only twenty-six and I come home feeling exhausted after my shifts. I can only imagine how Grandma feels. She looks up from her mug and smiles warmly at me.

"Hey baby girl, what are you doing up at this hour?" she asks with some concern.

"Hey Grandma, I couldn't fall back to sleep so I decided to get up," I smile and kiss her on the cheek before grabbing a mug from the cupboard.

I sit across from her at the small table and pick up a herbal tea packet from the porcelain jar on the kitchen table, deciding to go with Chamomile. Maybe this will help me fall back to sleep. When I pour the hot water in from the kettle and take my first sip, the warmth automatically starts to soothe me. My grandma watches me intently and takes a sip from her mug. She reaches over and puts a hand on mine, gently squeezing. When I look up at her, she's got a warm, caring smile on her face.

"What's going on in that pretty little head of yours baby girl?" she asks and before I can stop myself I'm spilling out all my worries onto the table in front of me.

"I don't know Grandma, I'm so confused. I'm so happy right now and about something I never thought I'd be happy about. I should still be furious and angry but as the days go by, it's fading. It's fading fast, too fast. I can't help but wonder if this is too soon," I sigh heavily as I finally breathe. She watches me ramble on, a smile on her face the whole time.

"Could this be about a certain man who you happened to spend the day with? And about the goodnight kiss he gave you before he left?" she looks at me knowingly.

"How did you—?" I begin to ask and then I stop myself knowing full aware of who ran their mouth.

"Dad?" I look at her with a raised brow, clearly annoyed.

"Yes Honey, I think it's great baby girl," she beams and pats the top of my hand.

"Is it though? After everything he did and didn't do, how could I trust him not to break my heart again? How could I honestly forgive him?" I ask, pleading for some kind of answer. Grandma takes in my expression and smiles warmly as she grabs my hands gently.

"Baby girl, I'm going to tell you something. You only get one true love in your lifetime. Just one. There will only ever be that one that will make your heart nearly jump from your chest or give you butterflies in your belly even after years of being together. You've got to grab that love and hold onto it for dear life because we only have a limited time on this earth baby and before you know, that moment has slipped away," she encourages me with a warm smile.

"But Grandma, how can it work? It's been ten years. He's lived his own life and so have I," I ask, so unsure of what to do.

"Honey, time is time and like they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. You know, there was a time when your Papa and I had broken up," she looks at me with a grin. Okay this is a story of theirs I've never heard. As far as I knew, they got together and stayed together until the day Papa passed away.

"Really? When was that?" I ask, intrigued now as I take another sip of my tea.

"Oh it was years ago when we first got together. You see back in high school, your Papa worked part-time while going to school. His parents, like mine, even though they had money, wanted us to learn how to make it on our own. Granted your Papa didn't have a lot of money because he couldn't work full-time and he wanted to be able to give me the entire world right off the bat without asking for money from his dad."

"Eventually he got discouraged thinking I'd be better off. I've never been the type for fancy things or needing to go out so I had no idea where this sudden need to pamper me came from. He knew this too since we'd known each other our whole lives. It surprised me when he eventually broke it off. I was ready to move on, thinking it was over but he kept leading me on to believe he wasn't really over me. Come to find out, some friends of his we're putting it into his head that I was better off and he'd never be good enough for me because of who my family was. That what he had to offer me, without daddy's money, wasn't good enough. After a long talk we ended up getting back together. It took me a while to forgive your grandfather but I did. He worked his ass off to prove to me that he'd love me until the day he died and he did. He gave me a wonderful life full of love and compassion, more than I could ever dream of," she smiles at the thought of her true love. I smile to myself, my eyes burning from the tears working their way into effect. I've always wanted what my grandparents and even my own parents had. At one time in my life I thought I had that but could I, with Nate?

"What I'm trying to say baby girl is that Nate loves you. He's always loved you for as long as I can remember, even before he realized it himself. I would notice the way he'd look at you when you weren't looking. The way he'd come over all the time without Heather, not being able to use her as an excuse. For him baby, you're his one and only."

"Now I'm not saying he's that bright, at least back then he wasn't, doing what he did, but he did what he did then because he thought it was best for you. Nate Daniels has come a long ways in the last ten years baby, he's grown up quite a bit. He had to when he had his little boy. Now, he's the man you deserved back then. The man that will love you always, your true love," she kindly encourages but I'm still feeling doubt.

"I know Grandma but I don't know if I can move on. It wasn't just my heart he broke, but he made it hard for me to trust anyone after that. I could never fully open up to someone because I always was thinking of him. The last ten years I wasted so much of my life on worthless relationships when I could've been with him. Why couldn't he learn to be a better man then? Why couldn't he grow with me, together?" tears begin to fall and I wipe them away with a sniffle.

"Baby girl, you need to learn to forgive him and that's what your problem is. The anger and hurt in your heart has festered for all these years and you never gave yourself a chance to heal. You can't heal a heartbreak without forgiveness. I'm not saying it'll be easy but you see, in the end, it'll be worth it. I promise you that," she reaches up and caresses my cheek with her hand. I lean into it and sigh.

"I guess you're right I do need to forgive him. If not for him, I need to do this for myself. I can't keep living with this bitterness in my heart," I smile softly at her and that's when the tea starts to kick in. I let out a sudden yawn and my grandma chuckles.

"Looks like the tea is finally kicking in for you. Why don't you go up to bed now baby girl?" she pats my hand and stands from her seat, placing my mug into the sink.

I stand up slowly and wrap my arms around her. She embraces me back and I nearly begin to cry from my emotions and sudden sleepiness.

"Goodnight Grandma. I love you and thank you for the talk. I feel much more at peace now," I kiss her cheek and make my way towards the stairs.

"Anytime baby, now get some sleep," she smiles and sits back down at the table.

When I lay back in bed, the amount of drowsiness is overwhelming and I'm falling asleep before I know it. I dream about the man I've spent nearly all my life loving. I dream about what life would've been like had we stayed together. Would he have become the man he is today, or would he be different? What kind of woman would I have become had I not went through all the heartache and grief? That's just something we'll never know now.

I need to learn to not concentrate on the what ifs and to appreciate what's really happening now, right in front of me.