infuriating (colby brock fanfiction)

chapter twenty

i am secure in colby's apartment in a few minutes. i feel much more comfortable now, but i'm still terrified of the idea of going back.

tara: bb what just happened?

tara: are you okay? pls answer me

tara: did u have an episode or something?

me: i'm okay i just got really anxious. i'm at colby's

i feel so stupid. so completely and utterly stupid.

"you okay?" colby asks. i shake my head no and i feel tears pooling in my eyes once again. tonight has been a roller coaster and i am exhausted. i want to go home and go to sleep.

"do you want to lay in my bed? can i get you some water?" he is being so kind and he seems to know exactly how to make me feel better. i nod and he walks with me into his room.

"i'll turn the ac up so you're not hot, i usually keep it off." i want to ask why he keeps it off, i want to thank him for turning it on but i can't focus on anything other than my own shame.

when he comes back, he has a glass of water in his hand and i am sitting against his headboard.

"can i sit?" he asks hesitantly and i nod. he finds his place next to me and i smile at him when he hands me the glass, sipping it.

"was that an anxiety attack?"

"almost, yeah. thank you for helping me." my voice is quiet and shameful. i feel so embarrassed.

"always, i have anxiety too," he tells me. i look at him with a shocked expression. it explains why he was so good at handling me, but it doesn't make sense to me. he seems so good in situations like that.

"you do? like you were diagnosed with it?" i ask him, trying to hide the surprise in my voice.

"yup, i was diagnosed last year." i look at him with sympathy in my heart. i wonder how hard it is to live like he does with anxiety.

"i was diagnosed when i was twelve," i say quietly. his eyes get wide. "that's so young, i'm so sorry," he says. his pity makes me feel weird. usually when people give me that look and have that tone in their voice, i am filled with dread.

"yeah, it's okay though. i've gotten used to it. usually, i just avoid things that make me anxious. then i met you."

"do i make you anxious?" he is looking at me now and i think about his question.

"no, you make me feel nervous. but you comfort me at the same time, it's weird." i am playing with my fingers now because i don't know how to act when i am confessing this. "yeah, you make me feel like that too." i don't believe him but i simply nod along. there's no way he cares as much as i do about every little detail of our affair.

"andromeda, i really like you..." he trails off. what is he doing?

his eyes appear to be frantic and all over the place.

"i really like you too," i say quietly. his hand finds mine and i am filled with admiration. the dim lights in his room make him appear tired and worn out, the bags under his eyes look severe. i wonder if he's slept but i would never ask something like that. there are so many small things i want to ask him about himself but i am too scared to.

"i want to know you. like inside and out," he says. i smile at his words. god, he is so sweet.

"then do it!" i challenge him and he smiles. "maybe if we didn't spend half of our time mad at each other i would've by now." he laughs playfully. i giggle. as much as i hate to admit it, he's right. and it's on both sides, we are so difficult to each other. but at the end of the day he's the one who noticed my impending anxiety and helped me through it. he didn't ignore me in my time of need, and that's what matters most to me.