infuriating (colby brock fanfiction)

chapter thirty-eight

"you okay?" colbys words were quiet, like it's a big secret the boy and girl here with us couldn't know. julia and jake are on the couch, focusing on a green substance in jakes hands.

"yeah i'm fine, should i do it?" i ask for his advice and he sighs slowly. "only if you want to. i don't want you to feel pressured, it won't be fun then," he explains. i take a few deep breaths before cutting the conversation short and finding my way to jakes couch next to julia. it isn't long before colby joins me, and we are all staring at jake do something with the substance i am so very unfamiliar with. i've never been face to face with a situation like this, and i seriously can't decide if i want to partake in it or not.

i watch closely as jake puts the substance into a cylinder shaped paper.

"this is a joint," colby says quietly, informing me of what i'm looking at.

"have you never smoked before?" jake looks up to me. i feel all three sets of eyes burning through my skull as he puts me on the spot. i attempt to get words out of my mouth, but i'm choking up, and i don't know how to speak right now. "she hasn't."

colby answering for me is soothing and annoying at the same time. on one hand, i could've spoken for myself, but on the other hand, i literally couldn't. "do you want to smoke now?" he asks and i have to take a few deep breaths to find my voice now.

"i'm not sure yet," i breathe out and he nods slowly. i want to cry but i also want to jump up and down. i don't know how i feel tonight, and i don't know if i want to do this.

the boy grabs a lighter and puts a flame to the far end of the cylinder. it flames up for a second before he blows it out and brings the skinnier side to his lips. he puts the fire to the same side again, breathing it in deeply. i watch him closely so that if i decide to do it, i don't make a fool out of myself by not knowing how. i watch as he holds it in for a few seconds before letting a rather large cloud of smoke out. i watch as he repeats his actions, doing the same thing two more times. he hands the cylinder to julia and her small hands fumble to grab it.

when she breathes in, she does it a lot faster, not holding it in as long either. when she lets it out, a series of coughs leave her mouth and i cringe. is she okay? is that normal? does it hurt?

she repeats her actions the same amount of times as jake and she looks at me with a questionable face. it looks like she is in pain as she holds the now shorter cylinder out to me.

i look to colby for the answers, but he just stares back blankly. his words echo in my head. only if you want to. only if i want to. do i want to?

i take the contraption and put it between my lips slowly, breathing in. it doesn't hurt, so i continue to breathe it in. "slow down," colby warns me and i immediately take it away from my mouth. i am afraid to let it out.

i stare at him, my eyes wide with regret. what do i do now? i open my mouth to breathe out, and when i do a series of coughs escapes my lips similar to julias. my throat has a sharp stinging in it, but it isn't completely unbearable. i want some water, though.

i repeat the process one more time before deciding the pain is a little worse than it was initially and i hand it to colby. when he takes it between his lips, i watch with intent as he works his body with the smoke. he visibly inhales and exhales the drug, three times. he does it so effortlessly that i feel like a fool for acting so dramatic about the pain.

"wow," i say slowly. i don't feel any different, but the scenario that is playing out in front of my eyes is odd and i'm not sure how i feel about it.

colby reaches over me and julia, handing the joint back to jake and i assume he repeats the process all over again. my eyes dart to and focus on the wall ahead of me. i still don't feel much different, but the way the AC and the general LA sounds get louder don't go undetected.