infuriating (colby brock fanfiction)

chapter fifty-two

the smell of pancakes consumes me and i wake up, confused until i take in my surroundings. i have to remind myself that i slept at jakes last night over and over until it finally makes sense.

"jake?" i call out, my eyes adjusting to the light.

"making breakfast!" he calls back and i blink a few times. this makes no sense. i am waking up to jake making pancakes? what?

"mmm," i hum peacefully. admittedly, having pancakes right now does sound nice. i know colby would roll his eyes and insist that it's jakes attempt to make a move on me or something irrational, but if i have to be the bigger person here and go to colby's first thing in the morning, then i'm not gonna reject pancakes before doing so.

"how'd you sleep?" jake asks me sweetly, setting a plate down. i watch as he flips the batter, and the brown on the bottom is almost humorous. poor dude, just trying to do something nice for a girl who showed up at his apartment crying last night. i will have to eat them even if they taste horrible, he has been too generous.

"well. what time is it?" i ask, sitting up and gathering my thoughts.

"it's noon," he shrugs. i need to stop waking up so late, my mother always told me that's what gives kids depression these days.

"it's too late for pancakes," i laugh out, standing up and folding the blanket i used last night before placing it on the edge of the couch, smoothing it out. "you're so proper," jake laughs. "hey!" i defend myself aimlessly. i could use more playful mornings where i resist laughing at burnt pancakes and get teased for folding a blanket. what was i supposed to do, leave it spread out over the couch? that would be so impolite, and my mother would kill me if she knew i did that.

we eat quickly, and the pancakes are nothing short of awful. i appreciate his effort, but expecting me to enjoy these was an irrational hope for him to have.

"i'm going to go see colby," i huff. i don't want to face this, but i know if i don't initiate it, he never will.

"good luck. you want me to walk you out?" initially, i am confused by his question. i think maybe he has lost his mind, until his goofy smile reminds me that he isn't like that. he's just mocking colby. i giggle at him, and watch as he sits down and lets me leave on my own. despite the fact that jakes jokes are hilarious, i love my protective and secretive boyfriend.

the air in the hallway is cold, and i am still only dressed in a t-shirt and shorts. i hope it's warmer in colbys apartment, and that this doesn't go so horribly that i'll end up back in the hallway in a few minutes.

i lift my hand to knock but quickly take it back before steadying my breathing. i repeat those actions a few times before finally finding the courage to knock, letting him know i am here and ready to talk about whatever the hell happened last night.

"hi," he greets me upon opening the door only moments after i knock.

"good morning," i smile at him. he does not return the gesture and i begin to analyze his features. the circles under his eyes are darker than usual, and he appears to have been crying before i arrived. "are you okay?"

"promise me nothing happened with jake," he begs and my heart drops. i forgot about that. i forgot that he was probably worried sick about me and his friend, doing god knows what.

"no, nothing happened. i promise," i frown at the boy. i didn't want to make him feel that way, but i knew what i was doing wasn't a good idea. i just had to get away. admittedly, i felt victorious knowing that i was doing something he wouldn't like, but i didn't intend on leaving him insecure and upset about it.

"i'm sorry i went there. i just didn't know what else to do," i admit painfully. i'm so sorry, you poor boy. you must've stayed up all night worried about this while i spent the night joking around with jake. truthfully, at times, i found myself wondering if colby would approve of our interactions, but to me they meant nothing. i feel no attraction to jake whatsoever, and i couldn't get colby out of my mind no matter how hard i tried.

"good," he sighs and sits on his couch, not saying another word until i sit next to him.

"you promise?" his eyes glistening like a child.

i frown and look at him sincerely. "i promise, colby. you are all that's on my mind, ever." please believe me, it pains me to see you so insecure. i wish you'd admit it, though. if i were to tell you that you're jealous right now, you'd laugh and lie to my face.

"you are too. i'm sorry..." he trails off. "for what?" i know what, i just want him to say it. i want to know that he's capable of apologizing.

"i'm sorry for hiding it from you. honestly, i don't know why i did. i thought you'd be mad or upset. you've been saying how much you hate staying with me. i didn't want to stress you out with the information that i won't be here much longer..."

my heart breaks. "i don't hate staying with you! i love it. i love you. i just... i don't want to be a burden." might as well just get this out of the way too, right? if he is going to be open, it might as well be reciprocated.

"jake suggested i move in with you guys," i shrug, trying to make the topic nonchalant. "of course he did," he smirks at me, finally showing signs of his typical behavior. despite him being suggestive and jealous, i love the way he acts when he is so comfortable around me. when he is unafraid to make his ridiculous comments, things are normal.

"not like that!" i defend the weird boy who stayed up with me last night, cracking jokes every chance he got. i could use more nights like that. peaceful, laughter-filled nights. nights where i don't have to worry about colby blowing up on me or tara showing up at my door furious.

"that's a good idea though," he says once he is done laughing at me. i smile at the fact that he isn't totally against it. i figured maybe that's why he didn't tell me at first, but i am so glad to know that i was wrong. this is the one time i want to be wrong when it comes to colby. i can't take many more surprises from him or anyone else for that matter.

"i would love for you to move in with us but... where would you stay? it's four bedrooms. if we shared a room we'd have to be public about our relationship and-"

"jake mentioned a basement i could take. i don't want to die and all, but if it's the last resort i don't mind it."

this is all perfect. if colby and i can handle being stable for a few more months and this doesn't happen again, everything will work perfectly. their leases are up just a few weeks before my lease with tara will be up. it will be perfect timing for me to finally find stability within my living situation. i can have my own house, and my own room again. i've missed pretending to sleep in, but actually writing in my journal for hours once i wake up. i can't do that here, sleeping in the same bed as colby. as peaceful and amazing as it is, i miss being alone sometimes.

"you will be haunted forever if you stay in a basement, but we'll figure it out," he laughs.

"i'm sorry for going to jakes and for storming out in general," i apologize, looking him in the eyes for the first time this morning. "i'm sorry for pushing you out, and for hiding it from you," he reciprocates. i smile and can't help myself when he leans closer. i kiss him passionately, not holding back the infinite emotions i feel towards this confusing, idiotic, and infuriating boy. he is my boyfriend, and he is everything to me.

"i love you," he whispers. "i love you too." the stupid grin on my face only grows when he begins kissing me again. "what?" he asks, pulling back, confused about my undeniable joy.

"i just love you so much, colby."