The Ill-mannered Door (humorous sci-fi)

35.2: Shop Till You Drop?

Now, you might think that a woman running in heels while eating a cinnamon bun and carrying a shopping bag would be easy to catch, but despite the ridiculous look of it, these things didn't seem to be slowing her in the slightest.

I admit that I did have to stop once to right my rolling luggage, but it wasn't long before I was hot on her trail again.

Derek was out in front of our group, and I was close behind. Higgins and the king were bringing up the rear, and though they were beginning to fall behind, Derek and I were making good progress as we dodged around strolling shoppers.

Unfortunately, just as we were gaining on the queen, she finished the rest of her cinnamon bun, kicked off her shoes, and was off like a track star. She was soon outdistancing us, Derek was outdistancing me, and we had all lost the king somewhere back by a shop where they sell sausage rolls. He had been looking terribly winded and I greatly feared for his health, so I had shouted back at Higgins that he should attend to the king as I ran off.

Quack, quack, quack, quack.

Derek didn't seem phased a bit by all of the running and was noticeably gaining on the queen, even though he was still carrying his two duffle bags. He did glance back from time to time with a puzzled expression, however, as if trying to spot the army of ducks that must surely be pursuing him.

I, on the other hand, knew that I would soon be thoroughly knackered. Despite my usual morning jog routine, the effects of a largely sedentary career were catching up with me and I didn't think I could go on at this pace much longer.

Thankfully, I didn't have to because three of the queen's men, coming from the opposite direction, rushed past her and stood their ground to block our way with their knives drawn.

I saw Derek stop and drop his duffles, and then I came skidding to a halt beside him as he began to rifle through one of his bags until he drew out what he'd been after--an actual rifle!

It was black and nasty looking, and like nothing I'd ever seen before, even on the telly. That's when everything went utterly barmy.

Derek brought the butt of the rifle to his shoulder as nearby shoppers, seeing this, began to scream and run wildly in all directions.

Bags were forgotten, cinnamon rolls were cast over shoulders as they ran, and general mass hysteria erupted all about us as the sound of Derek's rifle began to ring out. It sent bolts of raw, angry energy toward the queen's men, who were not at all prepared to defend against anything even remotely like what transpired. They had quite literally brought knives to a gunfight, and that never goes well.

They couldn't believe what they saw, and I couldn't blame them because I couldn't believe it either. I believed in futuristic ray guns about as much as leprechauns, but blimey, there was one right in front of me. I knew the gun laws were a bit lax in North America, but this was ridiculous!

With a cool and obviously practiced manner, Derek quickly dispatched all three of the queen's men.

I stood there utterly dazed, staring at their dead, smoking bodies as Derek snatched up his bags and resumed his chase after the queen, who was close to exiting through the glass doors in the distance.

I snapped out of it and began to run again after Derek. I had gotten my second wind and began to catch up to him as he stopped and fired at the queen in the distance, his shot going a bit wide.

He then knelt and was taking careful aim to fire again when I crashed into him. The rifle discharged as we fell over, vaporizing an enormous teddy bear at the front of a nearby toy shop.

"What are you doing?!" Derek shouted as I fell atop him. "Get off me, Thomas!" He said as he shoved me powerfully off of him and I rolled into a nearby stone bench, bumping my head.

He rose, slinging his weapon across his chest and shouted down at me, "She's getting away, you clumsy idiot!"

Then he was off again, leaving his bags behind this time, but a quick glance toward the exits showed me that the queen was already out of sight.

Then I was up and running after him again.

We needed to stop the queen, but I couldn't bear to let Derek gun her down. I had been quite honestly paralyzed when he had taken down her men, but they were armed and obviously bore us ill will. Derek could think me an idiot if he liked, but watching him shoot a defenseless woman as she fled was another thing entirely. I simply couldn't stomach it.

I ran hard after him and swore to myself that I wouldn't let him shoot her. She needed to be stopped, yes, but not that way.

Derek soon reached the doors and ran out into the driving rain with me close on his heels.

The queen had made it to her ship and was being pulled back on board by some of her men.

"Gah!" Derek shouted and raised his rifle to fire just as the Esmerelda pulled away with a strong gust of wind filling her sails. He sent a few bolts of energy after the ship, but it quickly maneuvered around the other side of the mall and was gone.