Handle With Care (Poetry)

God

I can feel it inside of me, this wrongness

Mommy says we can fix it, make everything alright again

Says Daddy will come back home again

All I have to do is go to Church and pray for my sins

I agreed, but I didn't really understand why I had to go to Chucrch

and pray for something I never did.

I didn't ask for any of this, I didn't ask to be this way

I didn't sit down at night and ask to be turned Gay

It wasn't my choice, I just never liked girls, the way I did boys

I never wanted to play with the blue coloured toys

I never wanted to date the prettiest girl in school,

I didn't even find her pretty, I just said so to be cool

I guess, I've always been like this, and I hate it so much

My daddy has these expectations, but I'll never measure up

I'm such a failure, sometimes I wish I could just die

I sit in my room at night with my Daddy's old army knife

I draw circles in my skin, maybe then I can be complete

I make the mark of the cross so that God will not condemn me

I'm so sorry

I bend my knees in the pew, the floor is harsh on my skin

I claps my hands and front and pray for my sin

Because it's my fault that he is dead

That Daddy won't be coming home again

Since he stabbed that kid with Mommy's old bread knife

and is now serving anywhere between 15 and life

I shouldn't have blamed it on him, and now the wrongness won't go.

I feel sick to my stomach, please God, kill me slow

I'm sorry for being like this, I'm sorry for my Daddy's hate

I'm so very sorry that I couldn't be straight

I tried to be like everyone else, but I could no more change my voice

then I could change the fact that this wasn't a choice.