Castaways

twenty-three.

C a l u m

"So?" Michael asked as I gave up on calling Mali for the third time. Everyone gave me sympathetic looks, and I collapsed on the couch in between Angelle and Ashton.

"Hey, that doesn't mean anything, ok?" Crystal said, sitting up on her knees, tilting my head back, and running her hands through my curls. "She could have had to leave it behind, or.... maybe it died. Maybe she left it somewhere. We'll find her."

I smiled, and nodded, leaning my head on her shoulder. I've always gotten along with Crys, she's always been caring, and like a sister when I couldn't talk to Mali. Granted, she is very abrasive at times, but she's one of the best people you'll ever meet.

"We won't let you down, Cal." Ashton took my hand, silently letting me know he was there. My mind flashed back to an hour earlier, whether I wanted it to or not.

-

"C'mon Crys!" I shouted through the door for the sixth time.

"Dude, she's not gonna let up. Maybe we should let her do her thing. Y'know, so that Makayla can get better?"

"What is up with that, anyway?" I asked again, tired of dancing around this. "Just tell me the truth, please. I promise I won't be mad... Well, maybe I will, but it doesn't-"

"I'm gay, Cal," Ashton said bluntly from his spot on the couch.

"What?" I asked, barely moving.

"Or... At least I thought I was. I don't know anymore."

"Um... Ok? I... How long have you known?"

"A while. Since I was...16? 17?"

"Ash... Why the fuck didn't you tell me?" I asked, slightly offended he didn't trust me in the first place.

"I don't know, Cal. We never really talked about that stuff. I didn't know how you felt."

"How I felt? It didn't fucking matter how I felt. It matters that you can tell me everything. You're my best fucking friend, Ash," I said, grabbing a hold of the back of his neck. "I love you, man. And I'm so fucking sorry. I'm sorry I made you feel like you couldn't tell me this."

"No, it's my fault." He squeezed his eyes shut, and I could see a tear escape, though I could tell he was trying to hold them back.

"It's not, it's mine. You're my best mate. No matter what, ok? You tell me anything, ok? I don't care if you text me shape, color, and size of your shits," I joked, both of us laughing until our stomachs hurt, "but no more secrets."

"Ok." He nodded. "I may have to tell you something else then." He pulled away, and I let my hand drop.

"What?"

"When I said I thought I was gay? That I didn't really know what I am anymore?"

"Yeah? What about it?" I asked, not really knowing where he was going with this, but a million and one things were running through my head.

"I was sure I was 100% I was gay, that I liked boys, only boys. I've liked this one in particular for a long time, but... something happened last night. I... I'm sorry, Calum, I-"

"Hey, no, it's ok." I tried lowering my head to his level, so he could see my eyes.

"It's not." He shook his head violently, and finally looked me in the eyes. "You are gonna hate me. Like as in, punch-me-in-the-face, feed-me-to-a-zombie, friendship-over hate me."

"Hey," I said, grabbing his arm, "I could never. We're Ash and Cal, we're always gonna-"

"I kissed Makayla." He whispered, but I heard him loud and clear.

"You... What?... You kissed Makayla?"

"Or maybe she kissed me, I don't really remember."

"You... and Makayla... kissed?"

"Yes, but Cal-" He reached out to touch me, but I stood up, walking away from him.

"Stop. You kissed her? Makayla? Dude, you know-... I mean, she's... She's like the one girl I-! I cannot believe you right now! What? Did you fuck her too?!" I asked, the anger slowly coming back.

"No! No, Calum, I would never do that to you!"

"Oh, but you can kiss the girl I've been in love with for years?"

"I'm sorry, Cal-"

"Don't call me that. I can't even... Does she know?" I know Makayla has always liked Ashton, but I thought the fact I liked her would stop Ashton from doing anything, especially if he though he was gay for the past 3 years!

"Know what?"

"Does Makayla know about you? That you like boys?" I asked, and Ashton shook his head, staring at the ground.

"No. You, uh... You're the first person I've told... Well, besides my mom. And everything happened less than 24 hours ago, I haven't even had a moment to think about all of this. What it means. What I am..."

I sighed, calming down slowly, taking my seat back beside him. "I meant what I said. You're my best mate, no matter what. We'll figure it out."

He planted his head in the crook of my neck and nodded.

The conversation stopped when a scream was heard from the next room, both of our breaths bated.

-

I should still be mad at him. I should jerk my hand away, and punch him in the face. But for some reason, I squeeze his hand back. I don't know if my sister is even alive, I can't afford to lose my brother.

"Ok, well we might as well get some sleep," I said, mainly because I didn't like the pity in everyone's eyes. "Makayla will probably sleep all day, and through the night, and we can't leave until she wakes up, so I call the guest room. Ash, you wanna share?"

Ashton looked up at me, pure shock on his face, but he simply nodded and followed me upstairs.

A/N Hi, so here's 23. M said it's her favorite chapter, and I really love it too, so hope you enjoy. And I updated earlier this week in honor of 5SOS' 8th anniversary of being a band, and I love them so much. Ok, I'm done blabbering bye.

-A.