Steven Universe fic

Chapter Six: Empathy and Apathy

Spinel landed on the observatory of the lighthouse, her arms spegghetifying as grief overcame her. She wanted to run further away from Steven and the crystal gems, but her anguish left her exhausted.
She wrapped her arms around her legs and pulled them close to her chest, staring off into the night sky.
It's not fair, she thought.
She couldn't prevent her tears from falling and they began to trail down her cheeks, she felt as though blue had used her wave on her, but knew that she couldn't reach her here.
The gem grabbed her neck and gripped it tightly as if it could stop her pain, but the hold only forced her to gasp for air as she sobbed. She thought for a moment about the rejuvenator. How it could fix everything. It would make her forget. how she could be happy. She could find a place to be far, far away from here where she wouldn't be hurt.
She pressed her fingers into her gem, a soft glow emanating from within it, and pulled out a small rod. Rolling it in her fingers as she caressed the switch with her thumb. Thinking about how nice it would be to forget.

But she knew it was only a temporary escape. She could forget, for a time, make friends, but they would leave her. And they would hurt her, and she would be alone again. It's not supposed to be this way, she thought, a few more tears glided down her cheeks.
It's not supposed to be this way..I'm supposed to be nice. And a friend..what's wrong with me? Spinel put the rod back in her gem and let herself sink into the roof of the building, lying on her back, staring at the starry sky.

"Someone who treats me better...who wants me around." Spinel splayed her arms out to her side, a small smile on her face before the sinking loneliness took over, it bubbled up through her throat like bile.

"No one..wants me." She cried, letting the pain overtake her, she began to sob again, letting out a wail of anguish as the emotions tore through her very core. Then she laid there, gasping in between her aching cries. For hours.
Until the stillness of the night took her, and all her energy had been spent crying. That is when she simply laid there, silently gazing into the sky.

Daylight broke on the horizon, causing the broken gem to sit up and stare at the white hot sun as it crested above the ocean waves. She watched as the sun peeked above the great blue endlessness and wondered if this was the beauty Pink saw, that made her stay here.

Homeworld was too far away from its sun to have any warmth or organic life brought to its surface. Or at least any that would survive after gems emerged. The garden was near one, but the artificial atmosphere only covered a small portion of the surface, the flowers would not grow any further than the small greenhouse Pink had created for them.

This sun brought a warmth and calmness with it that Spinel hadn't felt in such a long time. It melted her melancholy away as it rose over the sky, even though staring at it hurt her eyes, she was afraid to look away. That if she might, she would be enveloped in darkness again.

"What do I do Connie?" Steven's voice was distant but clear, startling Spinel, she leaned over on the edge of the roof, peering down at Steven who walked with a girl, gesticulating wildly. Spinel jumped further back on the roof, crouching low as not to show any sign of her existence there.

"It sounds like a real mess, are you sure it was the diamonds?" The girl, Connie said. Stopping and pulling out a blanket to set on the ground.

"Connie, I was in her memories, memories don't lie." The boy paused, "but diamonds do.."

Connie rested her hand on his and dropped to her knees pulling him with her.

"It sounds like you should apologize." She said softly. Steven sat down next to her, pulling a sandwich out of a basket.

"What? No! I didn't leave a whole in my ceiling." He laughed, "Spinel will tire herself or stop freaking out eventually and come around." He mumbled to himself through chews. Connie lowered her sandwich.

"You let her go with them though. She was hurt by them, she has every right to be upset." She muttered softly, catching Spinel's attention.

The gem leaned closer to hear the conversation, trying to stay out of sight.

"I also told her that I didn't want her around." Steven's voice was low, and riddled with guilt at the statement. Connie gasped,

"Why would you say that?!"

"I don't know!" Steven exclaimed, waving his sandwich in the air. "I just blurted it out! And I don't want to deal with my mom's past mistakes anymore." The boy grew quiet before speaking again,

"Spinel happens to be the worst one."

Spinel felt her anger boil through her but bit her tongue, determined not to intrude, determined not to hurt him. She clawed at her face for a split second to release her urge to hurl herself at the child.
Connie rested her hand on Steven's shoulder and leaned closer to him.

"Maybe your guilt is eating at you for a reason." Steven looked flabbergasted at her comment.

"What do you mean? Mom is the reason she's so messed up?! I didn't do anything to hurt Spinel."

"You let her stay with the diamonds."

"So?! How was I supposed to know they'd hurt her? They told me that they were better!"

"And you didn't think for a second that maybe the giant space dictators lied?!" Connie snapped, she stood up, turning away from her friend.

"How do you think Spinel feels? She trusted you."

"Trusted me?! She doesn't trust anyone! Her feelings don't make sense! One second she likes you, but the minute you say something not perfect for her, she turns on you! How do you think I feel!?" Steven stood now too, "why can't you be on my side? She tried to destroy earth! Who's to say she won't try again?! I'm tired of walking on eggshells around her."

Spinel's eyes widened as she heard Steven's words, guilt and regret and shame creeping up her spine, the gem turned away from the conversation, covering her ears and balling up so she wouldn't hear him speak his true feelings about her. She was trying. Trying so, so hard to contain herself. She is supposed to be a friend and friends don't hurt each other, she didn't want to hurt him, she didn't want him to hate her. She already hated herself.

Connie looked at Steven with fire in her eyes.

"Maybe you should stop being so selfish and remember what the diamonds did to you." Her words were filled with ice. Connie whipped around trudging down the hill. Leaving her sandwich on the picnic blanket along with Steven, who was at a loss for words.

He couldn't understand why she was mad at him. It's not like he specifically hurt Spinel, she didn't have to go with the diamonds, he only mentioned her because she was looking for new friends. She didn't want to stay, and the diamonds had wanted her. It was a perfect solution. At the time.

Steven packed up his picnic basket begrudgingly and made his way up the hill, jumping and angrily floating onto the portch of his house just below the cliff.

He threw the door open and tossed the picnic basket on the couch, and headed upstairs straight to his room, flopping himself on his bed.

"This isn't my problem." He muttered under his breath, turning over on his side, staring at a picture of Connie and him at beach city boardwalk. "She's the one who needs to apologize." He growled, closing his eyes in frustration.
He felt his stomach, and the hard gem that protruded slightly from it, tapping it with his fingers.
His thoughts turned toward the diamonds, how they had treated his mother, how they had treated Spinel. And Pink Pearl.
He thought he had handled it, that they had finally changed, but apparently he didn't.
All his pain and suffering and strife amounted to nothing. They were so quick to change that he felt relieved.
Looking back, he thought, that their clinginess towards him was purely because he was Pink's son.
He pressed his palm into his gem in frustration.
The thought of having to fix the problem made him angry, he was angry and guilt ridden and refused to admit it to himself or anyone else.
That he messed up.
And he needed to apologize, and actually deal with the diamonds.
Steven sat up in bed, sighing to himself.

"I should find Spinel." He whispered to himself. The boy stood, and made his way to the warp pad. If spinel was anywhere far, she would have used one of the warp pads to go there. He stepped on the pad, imagining the first place he could think of.
The garden.