Steven Universe fic

Part 12 Chapter Six: Hurricane

Spinel stood in front of the gawking boy, she didn't speak. She didn't want to speak, despite hearing his thoughtful words, his sincere apology, she didn't want to talk to him at all.
It was why she had waited to reform, but he wouldn't leave her alone to mull over her thoughts. Even inside her gem, she could hear him and feel him all around her, she couldn't escape it, not him and not the hurricane of conflicting emotions she felt around him.

"Spinel, I'm so sorry." Steven breathed, not blinking as he gazed at the gem. Spinel lowered her head, averting her eyes from him.

"I know."

It didn't make it hurt less though. She was so mad at him, for leaving her, for letting her get taken by Aquamarine- again, for fusing with her, for trapping her with his fear, and her fear. She was so, so mad. But she still didn't want to hurt him- usually this would make her want to hurt him, or herself. She hurt, but she knew he hurt too.
Why though? Why did she still want to be around him, and why did she protect him, his friends, why did she even try to fight back against White Diamond?
He got in her head, literally, and now she couldn't get him out.
What was she supposed to feel now? How was she supposed to react? She didn't know and the tension between the two of them grew as she stood silently in front of him, still contemplating her own thoughts.

Steven spoke first, breaking the agonizing silence.

"You don't have to forgive me-"

"I don't."

Her quick rejection made his heart fall, the boy looked down at his feet, his hands still trembling from his anxiety, it was like excitement but twenty times worse, and it wasn't a pleasant feeling.

"I don't-" Spinel sucked in a breath, trying to figure out what she intended to say, "I don't want to forgive you."

Steven's eyes watered at the words, and he began crying against his will, he felt weak, ashamed and so guilty in front of the gem he had hurt.

"But," Spinel continued, turning her head as not to face him, "I still want to be your friend."

Her words were almost a whisper, but Steven still heard them, though instead of smiling, or laughing he merely broke further into his tears, shuddering and beginning to sob. Spinel looked back, confused by his odd reaction.

"You shouldn't!" He balled, shaking as he threw his head back. "You shouldn't want to be my friend- I've hurt you and- and..." he couldn't finish his sentence through his uncontrollable tears and began moaning instead of speaking.

Spinel's tensed shoulders softened, his reaction was all too familiar for her. He was self destructing, lost in his guilt and shame and if he had begun ripping out his hair she thought he'd turn pink too.

The gem took a hesitant step forward, she hadn't ever been in the position to comfort him before, let alone in such a state so easily made identical to the countless times she felt inferior and terrible and shameful and guilty and bad.

Spinel crawled onto the bed and slowly wrapped her arms around the boy, bringing her close to him and gently petting his head as he weeped into her shoulder. She began rocking him as he sobbed, the rhythmic movement ever so slowly calming his torrent of tears.
For a second, she wished she had someone do such a thing for her when she learned of Pink's abandonment.
She had no such comfort from Aquamarine.

Spinel wiped the tears from Steven's eyes and he looked up, still pulling in shaky breaths and hiccuping through his tears. Their eyes met and Steven couldn't help but gaze into the soft pink of her irises as she held him close to her.

Of anyone who would choose to comfort him, choose to protect him, after all he had done, Spinel was the one who willingly wrapped her arms around him.
He needed to be better. He needed to prove to her that her comfort was not in vain, he had to show her that he cared about her.
He had to be better, for her.

Steven pushed his head into her chest, looking away from her gentle eyes and somewhat confused smile.

"I don't want to lose you." He muttered softly, sure that she would push him away in anger at his words. She didn't.
She pulled him closer instead, resting her chin on his head, he could feel the heat of her breath in his hair as she spoke in a soft whisper.

"I don't either."