Steven Universe fic

part 16 Chapter Four: Love Me Loving You

Steven's arms held Spinel close, and he pulled her into his lap until she sat comfortably in his arms.
Her tear stained face rested gently under his chin. He glanced around the room, it may have been bequeathed to Spinel, but it didn't suit her.
And he wanted her close to him.

She moved slightly, her head dropped further into his chest causing him to look down and check on her.
Asleep.
He dwelled on the comforting notion that she could so easily drift off in his arms. Granted, she looked worse for wear and entirely exhausted from whatever torment she inflicted upon herself while he was away.
And her admission of guilt no doubt ripped out any energy she had left for the night.

Steven shifted, pulling her close and holding her in his arms as he stood, hoping she wouldn't wake from his movements. He made his way to the infinity door, using her gem as means of escape from the room and carried her silently into the kitchen.
It was still, and the moonlight shone softly through the windows. He paused at the couch.

I could leave her here, he thought, but the softness of her in his arms was far too comforting, he almost forgot how much he yearned to hold her, to be held by her. All of that came crashing back when he saw her trembling, and when she didn't want to touch him, it ever so slightly made his heart sink.

Steven carried the gem further, up to his room, and delicately shifted her position so he could easily slide her into his bed. She didn't stir, though her mouth hung open somewhat, as though she were going to sing a soft lullaby.
He didn't want to think of his gentle admission of love for her, he didn't know if she understood how much it meant to him.
He changed from his clothes into real pajamas and crawled into the bed next to her, turning over so he could see the soft sleep of her face.

"I really do love you." He whispered, knowing she couldn't hear.
Steven hesitated, before lifting her arm so that it fell over his chest. Spinel did exactly what he was hoping she would and pulled herself closer to the new snuggle companion, nudging her face until it rested on his chest and her hand tightly pulled at his shirt.
This was exactly what he needed, despite not thinking it, the gem's arms being wrapped around him so gently, so lovingly. He wanted her to stay soft and gentle and lovely for the rest of time and even though she felt so guilty and ashamed of herself, thinking she couldn't be loved, that she had failed him.
She couldn't have been further from the truth.
Steven had been the one to fail, even in trying to help her, he failed. But he wouldn't anymore. He steeled himself in the thought.
He would protect her, keep her safe.

Steven's eyes fluttered open at a small moan Spinel had made in her sleep, the sound of her breath escaping her lips almost brought him to tears.
He looked at her face in it's captivating serenity. The scuffs and bruises on her skin, the mild discoloration evident of her secretive suffering. Even the strands of hair that frizzed and frayed at the ends from her tearing.
He wouldn't let her get hurt. Not by anyone, not even herself, and absolutely not by his own hand ever again.

He glanced down, now looking at the glint of her gem as it refracted the moonlight. His hand ventured forth, he hadn't touched it since...

He knew that it was sensitive, like a soul, the entirety of her being existed there, in her gem. It was vulnerable and he had taken advantage of its size and placement in those cruel moments in the garden.

But now she lay there next to him, vulnerable and close.
Spinel shifted in her sleep, making another quiet moan as she turned on her side further. Steven paused, his eyes flitting up to see that she hadn't woken.
She was still quiet, though her brow furrowed for a moment, as though the dream she were having had confused her. He smiled, gently tucking a strand of hair away that had fallen in her mouth before wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close. For a moment, he thought, for a moment the fleeting wonder wouldn't end.

If she stayed here in his arms, if she held him as he held her, then it would be okay. The troubles, the monstrosities of the galaxy could fade away into obscurity and he could only focus on this small broken gem in his arms.
He could fix her.
If he tried.

Spinel's arm lodged itself between the two of them and she rolled over onto her back, another quiet noise made in the silence of the night. He almost laughed, at the way she hung her head back, nearly falling off the corner of the bed.
He sat up, gently scooting further to the side so he could place her head on the pillow and lay back down beside her.
Facing the doorway, he thought of what he would do.
He needed to face White again, before she retaliated, there was no doubt.
He dreaded the thought, knowing he would have to leave Spinel behind one last time.