Star By Star

ten

I look away trying to hide my teary and blotched faced from the boys. I look like a damn toad on crack.

We both quickly step out and walk to the beach. Contemplating the beautiful scene, enjoying every second and minute before everything is engulfed and faded away by the sunset.

Seeing granny's smiling moon eyes, and a peaceful beautiful blue ocean warms up my soul.

Just a silent walk with my favorite person in the whole world is enough.

Maybe... I don't even need to love anyone else..or depend on anyone else afterall.

Maybe I need to quit everything and throw every worry away out the window and spend more time with my Granny.

After a few minutes of walking in blissful silence, Granny smiles and breaks the silence.

"When I was younger momma would always say " My children, I will never know how to help you if you don't tell me your worries!". My sister's in desperate times would tell momma if they were in trouble because they knew the consequences were coming. On other times, we would slowly open up whenever we found her in the best mood. Unlike other parents, mine would always ask and give us the time, trust to confide in them with anything. That way we knew that before a good scolding, I would be protected and stop whatever danger was after us." She comes to a stop and looks up to me.

"So now I ask you Gisi, is there anything bothering you?"
I bite my lip nervously as Granny analyzes my expression.

"I may be old but I can sense when you are in distress. You are not alone. You have me and the boys too."
Her aged wrinkly eyes form into moon crescents as she warmly smiles.

I breathe in and out slowly looking away. How do I word this....

I want to know so many things...

I am so confused as to what am I or who I am.

What do I have to do with Elisora.

I want to be more than enough for

people

for you

and for Axel.

But I am just..

me.

I hold her hands carefully and slowly exhale.

" My insecurities, my self-esteem, and my selfish thoughts are drowning me...Granny." I clear my throat pushing back the cry baby in me.

"I want to know my true identity and want to become someone that knows what they are doing....and also...I...I w-want to get Axel out if my heart..." My voice almost comes out as a whisper , I drown my tears deep down my throat like a waterfall as Granny pulls me in for a hug.

My heart hurts and all I can do is let out the big cry baby in me who was dying to come out.

Cry away the pain.

Cry for the love I will never recieve.

Cry for the identity I once had.

For the uncertainty of my future

For the dangers me and or Granny may face because of alien like creatures coming to earth and

incurable diseases that start because of old age.

But of course I can't say that to her.

"As much as we try hard to make a plant grow straight, every plant is different and they will always go their own way. Sometimes our heart is the same way. We know the situation , our brains and ourselves know very well what is wrong and right. But whenever our heart falls into love, we can never be released off of it so easily. It's okay to feel it Giselle. Give it some time, think about you and know that there is plenty of fish in the sea. Never doubt yourself. You are capable of so many things and you have to wait for their perfect times to come. It is never too late for anything let it be a career, marriage or finding a lost person. Remember there is always a light at the end of a tunnel."