His Nerd

Chapter Forty-Nine

2 more chapters and we doneeeee oh my goodness my heart

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"No, I know what you're going to say," he said with sorrowful eyes reaching for my hand, interlocking our fingers together

I tightened my hold on his hand as I looked at him reassuringly,

"Blake, listen to me"

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His usual cool demeanor was replaced with a transparent shaken heartbeat

His eyes stared into mine in a plea full of fear making me want to rip my eyes off of him

It hurt to see him like this

It hurt to see him so..

Unhappy

I make him unhappy

My eyes filled with tears as the realization of my words hit me 

The guilt rised up from my chest and into my brain forbidding me to forget this moment

Forbidding me to forget his facial expression as I already found my brain storing this moment into the long term memory folder

I tightened my hold on his hand as I broke the staring contest

"Don't you see" I whispered hoarsely lowering my head to the ground in almost shame, "I'm no good for you. Look at you" I said in a shaky voice, not finding the courage to look him in the eye

I felt his hands slip away from mine causing sadness to flow through my veins and cells like no other 

I knew this is the best decision..but the best decisions are usually never made because they are always the most difficult ones as well

Before I could even think another depressing thought, I felt his hand grip my chin forcing me to look up and once again come in contact with those grey eyes

"Angela, not being with you makes me like this" his honest eyes bored into mine as if to convince me he was being truthful, "we have issues, yes. I'll admit it, but we can fix it together. Angela, that's the only way we can fix it" his voice came out in almost a plea as his lower lip quivering begged me to believe him

I remained silent not finding the voice to speak or the words to say

I didn't know what to say

I didn't know what to think

"Fuck that prince charming bullshit. That's not reality. That's not how life works, fucking get that through your head" he almost hissed looking at me in determination as I remained mute, "You don't get a prince charming that never yells and never disagrees and never gets jealous and is this 'perfect guy'. No one gets that. You want to know why? Because that's not a fucking real man. Yelling, fighting, disagreeing, and all that bad shit makes a relationship. A relationship needs bickering here and there so the couple can get stronger. That's the point of bickering. For the couple to grow. We're supposed to outgrow our problems; not let the problems outgrow us" he finished in confidence, his stance becoming once again, strong

I listened to his words carefully making sure I grasped all that he had said before responding

I wanted to hear him out

 I've always jumped to conclusions, I've always ran away, I never listened

I need to listen

I nodded my head to his words agreeing with him, "Blake, I know. I never expected you to be from a fairytale nor did I expect us never to have a fight. But we fight so much" I said tiredly, "How can we fix that?" I asked, "how can we fix us, yet not lose our sanity"

He grabbed both my hands, "We work to fix ourselves together. I will learn to be patient. I will learn to be more thoughtful. I will learn to self-control. I will learn to accept a deny. I will learn. Let me learn with you. Grow with me" he said as his eyes beaded with hope

I stared at him uncertainly letting my mind wander

I wanted nothing more than to be with him but what if we're trying for something only to break us harder in the end?

What if we're pulling by a thread that's already ripped?

"Stop"

I snapped back to reality as his demanding tone hit my ears causing me to stare at him wide-eyed, "I know that look" he spoke with so much certainty, "and that look never leads to anything good" he muttered more to himself than to me as he ran a hand through his black hair quite roughly 

"Stop thinking, or overthinking, or whatever that's going on in your head" he urged, "Give this a true chance. Give us a true chance. Don't we deserve that much?" 

I debated on his words, biting the inside of my cheek 

The larger portion of me wanted to just jump on him and agree but my fear was holding me back with an invisible rope

"What are you so scared of? Why are you so hesitant?" He asked in a deep low voice, almost in a whisper 

"I don't want my heart-broken. I don't want to lose myself again" I replied sincerely staring at him with glossy eyes 

"I won't" he spoke looking at me earnestly, "I'm not saying we were perfect. And I'm not saying we'll ever be perfect. But hell, we're imperfectly perfect for each other" 

"We'll grow Angela. I promise you. I wanna watch you as you grow and become the amazing women you already are, as I want you to watch me grow into a full man for you" 

I took a deep breath shutting my head and listening to my heart

"Okay" I whispered nodding my head timidly

His eyes widened as they stared into mine as if they were having a silent discussion. His lips form into a wide grin as his hands suddenly wrap around my waist, lifting and spinning me in the air with only our laughter being heard

He put me down with both of us still chuckling, as he rested his palm on my cheek 

He looked at me carefully before glancing down at my lips 

He looked me in the eyes yet again uncertainly gently tugging on his bottom lip

"Oh don't tell me you've lost your game" I teased causing his eyes to shine in amusement while his lips form in a grin

"I just have one question" he mused, "I can still be dominant in the bedroom right?" He asked raising his right eyebrow

"Oh, most certainly" I said nodding my head easily causing him to chuckle and finally place his lips onto mine in a kiss that felt just right