The ice is Black

15| Kun Fayakun

15| Kun Fayakun
Greetings dear butterflies and Honey bunches. Oh I am being so sweet today. Actually there was a lot going on inside me. Well looking at Asad I felt like humans usually live following their Desires and Dreams. Do you wanna know more about Desire and Dream? They have an adorable love story. You wanna listen? Here it is.

Desire and Dream married each other and lived happily everafter. This is the simplest story I have ever read but it is the way it is.

They have so many kids, can’t give a number who are also dreams and desires like humans give birth to humans similarly they give birth to more desires and dreams, they are happy with each other.

When I went to see them at their place I had strange questions on my mind. It’s such a hospitable couple they show you the heaven of happiness but if you fail to get them you got to face the hell of loss and remorse as well.

They welcome all kind of human beings and they never kickout anyone from their home but humans leave their home on their own when they are fed up and they don’t want to inhabit with Dreams and Desires or when they face losses and they are unable to accomplish them. Sometimes cheerfully and sometimes all gloomy and worried humans tend to leave Dreams and Desires more often.

So without any further details about them I’d share our conversation:

“Well Mr. and Mrs. Dream I have a weird question I don’t know how you take this but I got to ask anyway” I spoke finally after enjoying their hospitality and kind behavior on my arrival to their place. They live in Brain. Yes Brain in human Brains. Where I met them was a Brain of an old man because in population they are as many as humans I had to approach a happy couple in an old man’s Brain who was half dead half living.

“Go ahead” said Desire.

“Why is it so Desire that you are ‘fulfilled’ and Dream is supposed to be ‘realized’?” I asked quite uncertain about my own query but really certain about how much I wanted to ask it.

“Oh! Good question Life” replied Desire and I felt comfortable at this appreciation because I was anticipating some mocking and fun from their side but they appreciated me instead. I am telling you they are amazing, courteous beings.

“Actually among humans I am fulfilled while Dream is supposed to be realized. This simply means I have more of the realistic existence in human world than Dream. Dream is usually a far cry for humans and often it is never realized but I am easily approachable but lemme tell you one thing it is not that in real, we both are equally available to humans” explained desire in her beautiful, melodious voice just like her personality.

“we both have a price they have to pay. Desire is however chased more than me because it is more beautiful while I am just horrible, I haunt them, I make them chase me longer than desire, so yeah” said Dream in his bulky voice.

“Some people fulfill and realize you both respectively while some don’t. How do you see this in human population” I asked again out of curiosity because humans do a lot of talking but never heard of their perspective regarding humans so I wanted to hear them out.

“Well Life you know people lose their lives behind us” damn this sentence had me but the Dream continued,

“many of them fail to find anyother objective of their existence yet many others find their reasons to live a little longer and turn out to be a great motivation but in all those cases and possibilities where human either get us or not there is one thing we know but humans don’t”

Dream stopped for a while and I interjected again out of curiosity, “What’s that Dream?”

“It is the fact that we don’t matter anyway. I mean whether they get us or not we don’t really matter. We are the objects of world and we vanish into absolute nothingness as soon as the human who nourishes us inside him/ her dies. We have no real existence we live in their minds and we vanish. We don’t really matter. So humans got to decide what’s their real purpose on Earth is. We are of different types and only one of our type will bear fruit while rest of us are going to perish.” Dream again explained with no pause I loved the way he talked he had a kind of affectionate, fatherly vibes in his words.

“Whta’s that type of yours?” I asked again.

“Ummm well I would like to answer this” said Desire again in her kind, melodious tone.

“Sure” I replied getting attentive towards her.

“This is the type of us that leads them to their real purpose, that makes them to believe in God and to seek truth and peace through humanity and kindness. If humans learn that their best purpose on Earth is humanity and they make it their only Desire, their only Dream to seek happiness and peace through Humanity then the job’s done” explained Desire.

“Thank you for explaining yourself Desire. I second you both” I said after listening to Desire and as I stood up to leave they gave me warm hugs and bade me good bye. It was a grerat meet up with them after a long time.

***

Asad Ameer is standing in Paletine in his home that Izzat had left behind locked. Everything has changed there by then. No one knows this alone, sad Alif left there in Palestine. He simply jumps into his own house in the midnight and no one notices it.

He turns on all the lights but there is no light. The connection wpuld have been gone since no one is living in it since past fifteen years or so. He was anticipating that so he turns on the torch light he is carrying with him in his back pack. Aron had suggested him to keep this kinda things with him like water supply, torch light and other stuff.

He visits his home. A flash of memories crosses his mind. A tear or may be two fall from his eyes as the torch light unintentionally crosses the photo frame hanging on the wall in the living room where Asad, Izat, Aali, Adham and Ensaaf are there.

They have become a rigid photo frame now, their fragile bodies that once had emotions and feelings for each other have moved on. In the picture Ensaf is in Izat’s hands, Aali is standing with Adham and Asad’s arm is encircling Izzat’s shoulders.



Ensaf is dead now.
Aali is no more either
Asad is alive but dead inside.
Though he can still go back and do a happy reunion. He can start a new life. He can explain things to Izzat and Adham.
He opens the bag he carried with him from Germany and he places the picture frame in it.

As he walks arround in the house encircled with so many good memories he collects few other objects from the home. He finds the pendant he once gifted Izzat over there, he finds a little box containing letters he used to write to Izzat after engagement and Izzat had always kept them safe.

He finds a book containing all those roses Asad kept gifting her over time she had kept them safe too in one of her favorite book, he also finds few other things related to himself and he realized Izzat has knowingly left his belongings behind may be to move on, to forget him. This darted straight into his heart. He felt a sharp pain but then he says to himself with a sinking feeling, “Izzat you can’t leave me like this till death do us apart”






He then moves to upstaisrs. It is 4:00 AM and the night sky is dark and peaceful. There is a poem I want to share for Asad right now.

Somewhere above the roof top
Under the dark gloomy sky
Staring the twinkling stars
I think of light
I think of bright days
I think of hope
Somewhere my peace
was lost in the past
From the sky top far away
there is a beacon of light
The moon
They call me lunatic
for a reason
The moon scares me
with so much hope, light
and the beauty
it has to offer me
Somewhere death cries
behind the echo of life
I yell for truth and facts
and happiness
But may be this sadness
is real,
and eternal,
and it wont wither away.
-Akasious // Lunatic

***
Asad spent whole night on the roof top. Staring at the dark sky. He is lying on the bare roof for past two hours. His peace and thoughts are interrupted by an even more peaceful voice atleast he felt so at that moment,

Allahu Akbar!
Allahu Akbar!
Allahu Akbar!
Allahu Akbar!

God is great!
God is great!
God is great!
God is great!

Unknowingly every cell inside him repeats the words.

It was adhan. It’s an arabic word which means ‘to listen’. Muslims offer Nmaz five times a day on the prayer call. So Asad listens to it blankly blinking his eyes staring somewhere high above the sky and he repeats it afterwards as if he is really desperate to see it’s Creator, to meet him some day when he will submit all his complaints to Him.

Ashahdu an lailaha illa Allah. Ashhadu an la ilaha illa Allah
( I bear witness that there is no God except the one God, I bear witness that there is no God except the one God  )

Asad stands up and looks for water.

Ashadu anna Muhammadan Rasool Allah. Ashadu anna Muhammadan Rasool Allah
(I bear witness that Muhammad is the messanger of God, I bear witness that Muhammad is the messanger of God)

There is no water in this empty alone house. How could there be water? Water is an emblem of life and there was no life in the Alif’s house for years.

Hayya ‘ala-s-Salah. Hayya ‘ala-s-Salah.
(Hurry to the prayer. Hurry to the prayer)

Asad rushes to find water everywhere in the house, he can’t go to mosque. He doesn’t want to see people. He wants to be with his God alone here on the roof top.

Hayya ‘ala-l-Falah, Hayya ‘ala-l-Falah.
(Hurry to salvation, hurry to salvation)

Suddenly Asad finds dry sand on one side of the roof. He recalls he and Adham had made this little pool of water on the roof top but as the years passed the pool dried and the little well of water was now filled with dry sand as if every grain of sand knew one day an Alif will return and find it here as the most useful object on earth.

He rushes towards it for ablution

Allahu Akbar! Allahu Akbar!
(God is great, God is great)

The sky witnesses at this moment how an Alif deprived of water is doing the ablution with wet eyes. There is still Life in the Alif house. The tears are wetting Asad’s cheeks. The life still exists somewhere in an unknown dark corner inside him. I exist in him, he has to feel me.

As-salatu Khayrun Minan-nawm. As-salatu Khayrun Minan-nawm
(Prayer is better than sleep. Prayer is beter than sleep.)

Asad stands straight facing towards kaba.

La ilaha illa Allah
(There is no God except the one God)

After the salat (prayer) he turns his face right and left and raises his hands for dua. No one knows what this sad, alone, Alif is asking to his God at this hour of dawn but I found him crying like a child.

I sometimes wonder how strange it is when despite all the losses and breaking humans turn to the God and try finding peace? Not all humans do this but I have found Alifs firm in their balief. I am fan of Alifs for a reason. Don’t worry I am life and I am not muslim, I have nothing to do with religion infact but I know one thing whatever Alifs do, and however they treat me through God. It’s just the best way I have ever seen because when you believe, God fixes me for you and then no luck matters, no fate can undo what God has decided for you, no time can hinder if he has decided to fix your pieces back on place which have fallen apart with time, because there is famous saying in the muslims holy book The Quran ‘Kun Fayakun’
‘be and it is’ and I firmly believe in it when God plans to do something He says, ‘Be’ and it happens just like that out of sight, out of mind.

Again I am no muslim, I believe in no religion because religion is not for me, because I am life and I have no material existence, because God never promised heaven or hell for me.

It’s for you dear human and there I’ll be with you forever weather you get heaven or hell. I am not aetheist either. I have just a rational approach towards everything and I hope whoever is reading me finds it rational too.

***

Well I have left Asad Ameer alone with his God let’s head over to Turkey where there is all happy and cheerful, where I am more usual than death unlike Palestine, where people are more deadly than lively.

Three weeks later they finalize their wedding. Elif meets her room mate and best friend Irem Ayan after a week and explains her about her plans.
“Waaaaaattt?” says Irem, “I mean you can’t leave your studies in the middle”

“I will return and will continue my final semester” replies ElifNur.

“I can’t believe you this is you? This is the most passionate Elif Nur speaking?” says Irem in bewilderment.

“The most passionate Elif Nur was not caught by love back then. Now nothing matters except him” says Elif in response.

“Mmmm I understand but...” Irem is unable to express her thoughts in a better way.

“Look! Look at me Irem. Don’t you see I am happy. I have been through a lot. My life is a set of losses but for the first time I have got something other than a loss. First time it’s gain. Shouldn’t I go after it? Isn’t it happiness we all are looking for? Isn’t it peace we all want? I don’t know anything I just find happiness and peace with him, around him. That’s it” Elif Explains while Irem is staring her not knowing what to say.

Like a good friend she is not sure if the decision is right and so she is concerned.

“It’s not you speaking Elif it’s Elif Nur majoring in Humanities speaking, your philosphies won’t work for me. What I believe is you have been through an emotional turmoil after your mother’s death and you should have given yourself enough time before entering into another emotional burst” says Irem still not letting go of her disbelief.

“You are just over reacting now. I thought you will be happy to see me happy despite mother’s death I am doing well can’t you see this?” asks Elif.

“I can see it. I can feel the happiness in you but I don’t know if this is the right way. Passionate and carrier oriented people like you find peace in work and goals only that’s why I am unsure but” Irem stops for a while and adds,

“but... I hope you find your peace in people too, I hope you find it with him and may you have a happy life together” setting full stop on the conversation with good wishes like a good friend should do she ends the conversation.

“Thank You Irem. I am getting married next week and this whole week I and Hatim are not going to see each other. Let’s enjoy this time I and you got together” announces Elif with delight.

“Oh! Wowwww Yayyy we will make this week the most memorable one for you. We will do a lot of shopping, parties, get together, overnight chats and also bridal shower” Exclaims Irem with excitement forgetting all her concerns she only wants to feel good about Elif and her upcoming life.

***

Elif is playing guitar in her dorme room while all the girls around her cheer out loud in amzement. She shares a big smile with her friendly audience but actually on the camera screen towards a girl holding it in her hands as she ends up playing guitar and the video ends on his cell phone screen too. He smiles back on her smile. Then he starts typing a text, then another and another he sends several texts in a row,

-I am tolerating the distance between us
-and you are making me feel miserable
-with such videos.
-I wanna be this close to you
-the way the girl in blue is sitting next to you at your right is.
-Can we meet?

Elif on the other side starts typing back as soon as she reads the texts:
-No
and with this she tosses the cell phone aside and gets back to the girls having gossips.
Hatim types back with a devilish smile:
-Enjoy when the time will be mine you got to pay

Elif when later reads it finds it vulgar and inapproriate but she is unable to figure out if Dr. Hatim is that good to tolerate all of his nonsense or not?

***

He sits by the grave. To his amazement the grave is wet. There are fresh red roses and white jasmines all over it. Aali loved Jasmines he remembers.

He touches the grave soil. He doesn’t want to think who is behind it, behind all this care for Aali. He wants to talk to him. He wants to feel his existence. He wants him to know that his brother Dr. Asad Ameer will never be the same after he left him.

He has started forgetting thinks more often. He has tremers in his hands at times and he feels sick all the time. Asad looks older beyond his age. While unintentionally moving his hand through Aali’s grave he speaks to him,

“Aali I am older in age but you, you my son, my brother you are older than me in character, and in moral values”

“You know Aron sent greetings for you...
Soon I’ll meet Adham he must have grown up...
I don’t know if he still remembers me or not but I want to see him...
We will meet soon and we will talk about you...
We will talk about good old days...
We will talk about his silly questions you used to answer all the time....”

Asad keeps talking to Aali considering he is listening, considering he is answering.

“Quite an amazing speech Dr. Asad” someone says from behind him.

Asad turns to face the source of the voice and finds Khair un Nisa standing there older than before, lifeless but alive, Inside dead but stronger than ever.

“Good to see you here Miss Khair un Nisa” says Asad looking at her standing up from Aali’s grave.

“But it’s no pleasure for me to see you here Dr. Asad Ameer” replies Khair Un Nisa.

“It’s okay. I am anticipating nothing good from your side eithter” replies Asad.

“Let’s not diturb him.” says Khair Un Nisa looking at Aali’s grave.

“oh! Sure” says Asad and starts moving outside the graveyard while Khair Un Nisa follows him.
Few feet away from graveyard they kept walking and finally they find a tree cut off lying down as to make a good seat for them. They sit there finding the surroundings favorable.

“Why don’t you come home? My father would love hosting you. He is still your fan despite I hate you” says Khair.

“I can’t come at your place. I want to leave Palestine un discovered by anyone. I came here to see Aali” replies Asad.

Khair Un Nisa doesn’t care whatever he says because nothing matters to whatever Asad faced on his end. She knows one thing that he killed Aali, that right beside her is sitting the murderer of the love of her life and despite all the reasons to hate him she can’t blame him for this murder because everyone knows how much he loved Aali.

“Have you... Have you...” Asad finally tries to say something thinking how she would take this. Will she consdier him selfish on asking about Izzat and his son that has she met them or talked to them?.

He doesn’t complete his sentence and stands up from the tree trunk.

“Wait! Where are you going?” asks Khair Un Nisa.

“Away from this place and its people. Palestine haunts me now, memories haunt me now, good past haunts me now” replies Asad from a distance of few feet.

“You can’t leave like this you have to tell what happened to Aali? what made you murder him?” Asks Khair Un Nisa.

“You can think whatever you want to I am not going to explain you the whole thing because this won’t change the past anyway. I lost my brother in a most pathetic way and the world thinks they are better well wishers of my brother than me?” says Asad and again turns to leave.

“Then tell the world your side of the story. I know Izzat and Adham’s address in Turkey. I can help you find them” yells Khair Un Nisa from the back. Asad’s feet freezed at her words.

***
“So you people are going to celebrate your wedding on two different lands?” says Irem with delight.

“Yes because he has friends here in Turkey and I have friends here too but his mother is kinda traditional and she wants the wedding in India with all its events. So we will be having our Nikah dinner over here but then we will move to India for rest of the events. He has explained me things about his culture and traditions and I guess it would be interesting.” Explains Elif after her bridal shower on the following night.

“Just one day to go Elif. How are you feeling?” asks Irem Ayan

“I dont know. I am scared” says Elif

“What? I was anticipating anything from you but ‘scared’” replies Irem

“Yeah! Scared. Leaving Turkey is scaring me Irem. I don’t know what’s coming next. I am not sure how will I adjust in India” says Elif.

“Wait! Why would you adjust in India? You are coming back after the wedding events? No?”

“No, Hatim’s mother says she is alone back at home and I am supposed to live with her and Hatim says he will leave his job here and would return India as soon as he can.” explains Elif again all worried and upset.

“What are you exactly saying? How come you accept this condition? I mean you are not marrying that old, chubby lady you are marrying the guy you are supposed to live with him wherever he lives” Irem can’t hold her disappointment for Elif’s decision despite this condition.

“It’s okay Irem I’ll convince Hatim after marriage and also it’s no big thing I’d love to live in India I am just scared may be my experience will be better than this.” says Elif she is trying to calm herself down more than Irem.

Well well well I feel for you Elif Tradition is not as simple a thing as you are thinking. Traditions and culture are hard to deal with and people like you learn it by experience. And remember things learnt through experience stay with us forever.

***
“We were bearing everything in the cell with patience. We had faith” Asad starts narrating his side of the story to Khair Un Nisa again sitting on the tree trunk.

“Later we were thrown to separate cells” he pauses. It’s evident it’s not easy for Asad to share this memory. It hurts.

“Aali was subjected to more physical torture than me. They made me to hear Aali’s voice, his cries when he was subjected to electric shocks. They asked me to confess that I and my brother were involved in assaulting their soldier” Asad pauses for a while and looks at the scorching Sun. Sun is hot like the Summer Sun even in December. He can feel the heat.

“His condition was worsening every single day. He was dying by inches as if they had already planned that they would kill him anyway.” Asad’s hands are shaking and Khair Un Nisa notices that. His voice is constantly dangling and it is taking him long enough to recall all the events well. Perhaps it was all the result of the physical and mental torture he had faced over the years.

“One day David who was the chief army officer behind all this torture even brought Izzat in the discussion but I bore everything. I was anticipating everything, even the cheapest stuff from them” says Asad.

“Then Aron, David’s son started visitig us. He was different. A kind human. He used to talk to Aali for hours. They had barely met a week.” Asad pauses and adds with a fade smile, “I call it a week and whenever I say that Aron corrects me saying five days Asad, FIVE DAYS only” Asad stops for a while.

“Wait! Aron was David’s son right? Then what did he talk about with Aali?” asks Khair Un Nisa

“You won’t interrupt until I finish okay?” replies Asad while Khair Un Nisa nods. Asad starts speaking again

“They were pressurizing me everyday to kill Aali so that I can free him from all this physical torture. It was indeed good choice to kill him at once then to let him die by inches” says Asad as Khair Un Nisa looks up at him

“But as a muslim my belief and faith in Allah was not allowing me to accept that.” Asad adds.

“One day Aali sent a message through Aron to me. It was his plan to tackle with them. A rough draft which I knew would never be realizeed but I knew one thing that Aali no longer wants to live that his soul is so desperate to leave the world” Asad says with a sigh.

“What was the plan?” asks Khair Un Nisa.

“Interrupt me one more time and I wont narrate any further” replies Asad.

“Sorry” says Khair Un Nisa with no apologetic expressions.

“He had planned that as they are forcing me and Adham to kill and to be killed let’s accept that in return we will sign a deal that I will be freed shortly and Aron will help us providing the evidince that I was made to kill Aali by them in the international court, on the media and everywhere as much as we can. Aali said his death is evident whether I kill him or not. He said he is dying everyday why not die once and for all.” A tear fell down on Asad’s hand and Khair Un Nisa felt it more than the story itself, more than Aali’s tragic death, she felt how time happened to Dr. Asad Ameer, she felt that Aali was at a better place and that real tragedy was Asad himself. Real tragedy is the killer not the one who was killed years ago.

He had to carry the weight of so many things while people like her could sit outside and mourn the loss easily in the name of love.

“But they had other plans... they wanted to put allegations of my brother’s crime on me through this and I never gave it a thought. I just wanted to make it easy for Aali. I wanted to let him die. Death was not as painful for him as Life had become. I couldn’t bear his painful cries during electric shocks and extensive beating.” Asad is speaking in his wet fluent voice.

“You know Khair Un Nisa since that day he comes in my dream every night and says such sentences, ‘After our parents you raised me and gave me a beautiful life and I was grateful to you for that but I am more grateful to you for killing me at a time when I needed death more than life’”

“One day he came to my dream and said, ‘have you told Adham that I am in a better place? He writes to me everyday’ ”

“He also says ‘when you meet Adham tell him I still love him’”

Now, Khair Un Nisa is crying like a child. She sobs while Asad stands up saying, “I am sorry I can’t say any word of consolidation I need it more than anyone”

“Dr Asad Ameer may you find Izzat and Adham soon for all your sacrifices you now deserve a life. They are in Ankara, Turkey. Izzat is practising law and Adham is a psychologist. I don’t know more about them but I’ll try to conntact them soon” says Khair Un Nisa trying to sympathise with him. The mirror wall between them has fallen again they can be on good speaking terms again.

“Do me a favor Khair Un Nisa.” says Asad turning towards her again.

“Yes sure”

“If you ever get to talk to them don’t tell them that I met you. I’d go to Ankara myself and I hope I’ll find them soon InshaaAllah but please don’t mention this meeting” Asad says.

“Sure If this is your wish I’ll respect that without questioning it. I’ll pray you meet them soon” says Khair Un Nisa.

“Thank you” Asad says and turns to leave forever. After that Khair Un Nisa returns to the tree trunk and spends time by herself for hours.

***
Mrs. Naheed Mukhtar was again there in Turkey. Today it is their wedding and everything is good. Elif looks prettier than ever in her beautiful dark green outfit with golden embroidery.
Mrs. Naheed had brought this dress for her but her original wedding dress is still a secret that she will be wearing on her big day in India. Hatim he is looking handsome too as always in his white shirt and black dress pants and black coat but there is something between them that is not right.

May be lack of communication over days may be something else but to Irem’s eyes they don’t seem like perfect fit or made for each other kinda couple. Whatever Irem is feeling she can’t share it out loud to anyone. Irem tries to make herself understand that they love each other, they are happy with each other and that’s enough.

“Okay we got to hurry after lunch it’s our flight” says Mrs. Naheed Mukhtar sitting on the stage beside Elif.

Elif looks at Hatim in bewilderment, thinking that she is talking about her flight she turns to Mrs Naheed saying, “What? You didn’t tell me that you are leaving today mummy”

“Oh! No my daughter not me alone. I, you, and Hatim are leaving today” says Mrs.Naheed.

“But I haven’t done any preparations yet mummy” she says all confused.

“Daughter I have prepared everything for you myself whatever you will need on your way and in India” explains Mrs. Naheed Mukhtar and now Elif knows why Hatim was rushing so eagerly everyday to get her visa and passport done because he was already pressurized by his mother.

Sensing something wrong in Elif’s expressions Irem leaves her seat and moves towards the well adorned stage near her.

“What’s wrong Elif?” she asks coming near her in turkish which Mrs. Naheed couldn’t understand.

“They are saying that we are leaving for India within two hours” replies Elif in Turkish.

“What but why they are behaving like this. they should have told you earlier” says Irem in Turkish. She feels really concerned for Elif.

“I don’t know” says Elif and she turns to Hatim before she could say anything he says,

“Elif, mummy planned it and told me an hour ago I thought you would have no issue with it I am sorry but lets accept this” Now Hatim explains jumping into their conversation.

and that’s all what Elif needed a sign of apology from him and she accepted it easily.

After the dinner is over they all stand up to leave. Elif and Irem meet each other. A warm hug, a fair cry and all the memories are put behind to move ahead in life. Elif is gone on another whole new venture.

“May you live happily... Ever... After” Irem’s voice chases Elif for long until she is boarding the plane after an hour.

***
The plane landed on Chatrapati Shivaji International airport, Mumbai. It is almost 11:00 in the morning in India. It took them about nine hours to reach Mumbai. Sun is shining but winter is at it’s peak.

Elif steps out in a whole new world where people are usually dark skinned and black haired, fully drerssed women in Sari with half or full blouse and men in all kinds of men wears from Shalwar Kamiz to jeanz and t-shirt.

It was an entirely different place and as soon as she stepped in there she felt she is not made for this place.
She recalls here dreams she has left behind, dream to be somebody extra ordinary one day, dream to be in lime light, dream to be infront of the camera lens, dream to speak out for women rights and to do big things and make her mother proud, dream to become a great musician or to be in guinness book of world record for her out standing speed in solving rubix cube.

Soon they are outside the airport where the driver is waiting for them with the car.

Elif is not speaking to anyone about anything she is in long navy blue frock that has white bead work with white pajamas and a shawl covering her shoulders. She is looking even more pretier in this simple Asian dressing and its hard for anyone to set the gaze away from her face.

Hatim took the seat beside the driver and Elif feels even more disappointed. He has changed or what? Why he is not talking to her? She is at a new place, she has so many feelings piled up, she has a reason to be silent but why Hatim is not trying to comfort her the way he does always? She is his wife now she deserves more attention than ever and the flow of her heart breaking thoughts goes on.

“From here it’s a drive of amost two hours to home I hope you won’t mind travelling a little more” says Hatim on sitting at the front seat turning towards Elif.

Elif nods in response a lump of tears has entangled in her throat, tears are floating in her lucid eyes and nose is turning red with cold and tears but may be it is dark in the car that Hatim noticed none of it, not even her silence.

Mrs. Naheed Mukhtar sits even closer to her and pats her shoulder kindly she is looking kinder to her than Hatim.

They reach the big house at about 1:30 PM almost outside the main city, near the village there is situated this huge house which looks haunted to Elif. It is haunted actually by Chodrani but Elif has not discovered that yet.

“Look! Elif this is your house, our house” says Hatim on stepping into the house with Elif.

“Okay! Kids you must be jet lagged and I am tired too so lets take rest after lunch don’t waste time we have a lot to do from tomorrow” announces Mrs.Naheed Mukhtar not allowing any conversation between them.

“Wait! What is there we got to do tomorrow? I mean no body has shared any plans with me” asks Elif holding her helplessness inside.

“Oh! tomorrow there will be rasam and we will be having a whole wedding week as Hatim has to return Turkey next week he got no holidays” explains Mrs. Naheed Mukhtar.

“What? but you didn’t tell me anything Hatim and what’s Rasam?” asks Elif in bewilderment.

“Awww daughter listen I will explain you everything. You don’t have to worry I know you are not happy that he will be leaving next week but he will be back as soon as possible leaving everything behind in Turkey” says Mrs. Naheed.

“Really you are leaving Turkey?” asks Elif again to Hatim and Hatim is trying to avoid all conversation with her because there is a lot he wants to explain to her but he got no time to do so and now she is going to be mad at him which is not her fault at all. He feels massive anger at his own mother too but he hides that inside and starts explaining the whole thing to Elif so that she can relax for now,

“Ah! Yes, I have to finish some paper work and I’ll return India but this is wedding week and mummy will explain all the traditions and customs to you. To be honest I myselt don’t know all the customs and traditions carried out in marriages so just follow what mummy tells you to and rasam O rawaj means convention, tradition, culture, and customs e.tc. You are going to find it interesting here. Now can we move inside?” asks Hatim politely.

A maid comes forward and then another in the meanwhile to welcome them while Hatim’s sister Fatima who comes behind them later meet them all in quite an attitude, not at all friendly.

“Masooma please show her room and Hatim you come with me” orders Mrs. Naheed part of her sentence in Urdu to Masooma and the other part in english to Hatim.

“Me and Hatim are not going to the same room?” asks Elif hardly completing her sentence fearing the response from the other side.

“Hahahahaha oh gosh bhabi hurry not. You will be together within three days till then you can’t be together” Fatima steps forward leaving her cell phone and taunting her in a way neither Elif nor Hatim understood.

“Bhabi?” Elif got stuck on one word that what this rude girl has called her exactly.
“Well here in our language brother’s wife is called Bhabi do you mind that?” asks Fatima Mukhtar.

“oh no, no. Its ok. All right” says Elif not knowing what to say.

She also needed some time by herself and that she is not going to be with Hatim sounded like a treat to her. She was just not sure how is she gonna spend this long night alone and days to come in this country where nothing seemed like hers.

“Masooma show the room to her and serve her lunch in the room” says Fatima while Hatim and Mrs. Naheed move inside and Fatima follows them behind while Masooma the maid gestured Elif to move ahead. The other maids took the luggage inside.

“Here! Come this is your room” says Masooma to Elif.
Elif nods and enters inside while Masooma leaves saying that she will be back with lunch soon. She understands none of her words whatever Masooma has said to her uptil now but she understands through her gestures that she is talking about lunch and may be to take rest or fresh up.

It is a big room well adorned and well furnished where she has to stay for three days. Never mind Hatim she says to herself atleast I can cry by myself here alone while taking lunch alone and listening to the chatters the family is having outside together she feels like crying. They are having lunch together but they didn’t offer me to join them not even Hatim. She starts crying thinking of it. She just needed one good reason to cry and this thought did the job well when in real Hatim thought she is jet lagged so she deserves some space from him and his family.

Behind the locked door all the walls and the non living objects of the room know how long she wept  in this unknown land for some unknown reasons.

***
“You are no virgin” a woman comes near her and slaps on her face another lady drags her to a side and shouts “you are no virgin” she is then lying on the floor all miserable when a bunch of women encircles her and laughs, “You whore”
She cries his name, “Hatim... Hatim... Hatim”
She opens her eyes shouting his name badly with a jerk. She looks left and right there is no one and all of the sudden she feels the knock at her door. Its 2:00 AM in the morning. She is still jet lagged and hardly she manages to open the door and finds out Hatim standing infront of her.

“Yyyy-ouuu???” immediately a word slips from her mouth.

Hatim pushing her a side enters the room and locks the door. “Yeah! Thought mummy would never allow us together and I can’t bear this distance anymore” he says moving towards the bed while Elif moves to the mirror setting her hair she faces him from the back.

“Aanhan and why Dr. Hatim Mukhtar would like to be with me?” she taunts.

“Because you are my wife and I deserve to be with you now.” he replies sitting on the bed side.

“oh! Just that or anything else?” she questions.

“I just wanted to make sure that you are okay but look here you are having sound sleep while I couldn’t sleep for a minute” he explains and adds “so I waited for mummy and Fatima to fall a sleep and here I am with you FINALLY” he stresses ‘finally’ in his sentence.

“Really! Why couldn’t you sleep?” she asks coming infront of him from behind.

“I was just thinking of you” he replies looking at her not hiding anything on his mind. He stands up his feet holding her hands while she bites her lip. Her lips are pink and inviting, her eyes are lucid and tell a story, her hair neatly brushed and she is in her night suit. She can feel the cold outside in this cold night of December.

“And what were you thinking about me?” she asks thinking that she is not doing much to trigger a man like Hatim when actually her looks were enough to trigger him.

He steps closer moving his hand through her face saying, “About your dreamy eyes...”

Elif shuts her eyes as his hand travels down her face, and neck and down the neck. She takes a step behind and he takes a step forward and this goes on until she can’t move any further. Now there is a huge almirah behind them and there he comes even closer. She can feel the warmth of his body around her, the peace, the comfort she always gets around him.

His lips plant a gentle kiss on her forehead and a rush of emotions make her cry, hot tears start falling down her cheeks and she reflects I was thinking wrong about him he still cares about me, I still matter to him. He grips her shoulders harder and now his lips travel down to her lips now kissing her mercilessly Dr. Hatim Mukhtar has forgotten that his mother won’t let this pleasure last longer.

***
The next day Mrs. Naheed Mukhtar enters her room when she is all well dressed in her beautiful yellow kameez with red embroidery and red shalwar. She looks gorgeous.

Without any greetings Mrs. Naheed just passes a kind gesture and sits on the couch and starts speaking,

“You know girl...” she stops for a while to have her full attention but Elif rarely take cares of minor details which are respected in Asian culture for instance leaving whatever you are doing when an elder enters your room. Not finding her attentive she carries on not carrying about how Elif will react to it.

“...In our culture bride and groom do not touch each other until or unless it is proved that the girl is a virgin.” Elif’s hands setting her hair in the mirror cease for a while and she looks at the woman sitting at her back from the mirror. Is it really what I am listening? she says to herself and again composes herself to set her dupatta over her head.

“This is the major reason we kept you away from each other” Mrs. Mukhtar adds “Now it’s time that you prove it as a matter of tradition so that we can commence with other rituals.” explains Mrs. Naheed Mukhtar.

“What? I mean what would I have to do to prove that to you. I mean my husband will know that I am virgin and that’s enough why would I prove that to anyone else?” she questions as if not believing that how her nightmare is realizing.

”You have to pass this test that’s it and you have to do nothing except cooperating with the midwife the rest they will do. I mean the midwife will inspect you and tell us.” Mrs. Naheed says as if its a routine matter.

“I won’t let anyone touch me like that.” yells Elif in response all furious and angry. I feel pitty for her but poor Elif you are gonna be slayed in the name of traditions.

“What’s the problem girl you question a lot? You will let them do their job. Bilqees...! Bilqees” Mrs. Naheed yells when an old ugly looking woman with three other women in middle age enter the room.

“Here is the girl I hope she will cooperate otherwise you can do the way you like” she tells them in urdu and moves out saying, “And girl, cooperate with them it will be good for you. And remember People enter this Haveli on their will but they leave according to my will.”
“Please lie down” a woman commands but Elif couldn’t understand the language. The lady moves forward and instantly throws her on the bed.

Elif again jumps aside and takes steps towards the door to look for Hatim but two women hold her back and drag to the bed. They throw her aside while Elif resists them as much as she can but after few minutes of resistance the woman slaps her on the face and forces her to lie down silently despite all the resistance and crying while the other girls hold her arms tight. She could not do anything no one outside is listening to her cries. No one knows this battle she is fighting with herself and with them.
One of the woman quickly undresses her lower half and before the women had made any further progress Elif goes blank. The ladies however did their job and informed the evil chodrani that she is no virgin.

Well this is the most heart wrenching part of this story I narrated becuase I feel really really sad and helpless for women like Elif, I cry in the secret, dark corners looking at kind of lives (me) girls like Elif live and yet they smile, they find reasons to be alive and they survive because perhaps they believe in Kun Fayakun.

***

Elif is left alone in the room and no one tries to bring her back to senses. She opens her eyes after hours on the same bed. Half undressed. She had never felt this much shame before, humiliation, massive humiliation. She never felt this much pain not even when she was raped as a kid, not even when society abandoned her and her mother. not when her her mother died. Never.... She never felt like this in her entire life. Tears are scarce to shed on what happened to her today.

This is intense and unbearable. She however gathers courage to stands up and dresses herself completely and tries to walk out of the room to find Hatim to tell him he look what people did to his Elif today, to question him where was he when she needed him most? She realizes soon  theat the door is locked from outside.

She screames... and screames but there is no one on the otherside. She cries so hard... It is only one name she is crying,

"Hatim..." but Hatim is no where. Hours after hours passed and she lost energy and will to scream any further so she settles down on the floor. She doesn’t know when she went blank again. At some unknown hour the door opens with a great noise and it hits hard on her head but she wakes up with this sudden jerk and almost jumps aside.

Hatim picks move inside and picks her up. She starts crying all over again with very little energy she had left inside her by now.

“Son she is a whore you should leave her here” she hears a voice coming somewhere far away in her half alive, half dead state of mind.

“Shut up mother. Enough is enough.” she hears Hatim is replying to his mother.

“She doesn’t deserve you. Only a virgin deserves a virgin” the voice is saying again from far, far away.

“I said shut up for a while mother.”

“Elif.” he pats on her face and asks for water. “Look at her face. Look what you have done to her... Elif... Elif...” he yells but she again goes blank.

***
She opens her eyes on the hospital bed.

A man is sitting beside her. The face she loved a day ago now she hates the most. She casts a poisonous look on his face and turns her neck.

She tries to remove the syringe from her hand. She tries to sit straight but all in vein she is too weak to do anything. Anything.

“You have woke up after three days. You were hysteric and I know you haven’t done anything wrong. I apologize to you Elif. I apologize to you for whatever happened to you. I don’t know your past and I am not interested in it either” his kind sweet tone ceases her movements and then she realizes like mother, like son phenonmenon. The lady was also kind to her at so many instances only to make her feel miserable in the end.

Again tears are accompnaying her feelings and her tongue has nothing to say.

He cleans her tears with his ahnds and tries to soothe her with his kind words but all in vein, “where do you get so many tears to shed?” he adds while settling his hand on he forehead, “you still have high fever.” She doesn’t speak, “You have to say something Elif. I know you are hurt but say somethng, announce what is the punishment for me, demand something, scold me, abuse me, be angry at me... But please speak Elif I have been waiting for days to hear from you”

Elif keeps blinking her eyes blankly. She has nothing to say.

“Anything, you can ask for anything and I promise I’ll give you.” he adds.

“Any-thing?” she says engulfing a lump of tears.

Weakness, tears, pain, humiliation, disappointment, and what not has happened to her in past few days but she still looks pretty and beautiful to Hatim. He loves her. He really loves her but he is no gentleman to her since he couldn’t protect his lady from bloody customs and traditions.

There is a problem with Asian men they think their respect lies only in protecting their wonmen from other men and what about customs? About traditions? About all those things that pisses them off, humiliates them, makes them a psychopath who is supposed to protect them from all of these? I have to meet them soon. Okay next I’ll try that I should set a meeting with them.

“Anything you say. I promise I won’t think a minute if it’s in my hands I won’t give a second thought I’ll do it for you, I’ll bring it for you. Just say something, demand anything. Make a wish” he begs to her.

“Promieee? Firm promise?” she says her voice staggering between tears and emotions.

“Yes promise. Firm promise” he says.

“Gimme divorce” she says this time in clear voice, her eyes lucid and adorable, her lips pink and gorgeous and her hair messy just as her life.

“What?” Hatim’s mouth flew open.

Well well well Mr. Hatim what did you think about her? She is no Asian woman. Asian women tend to bear anything for their homes, their husband, their kids but she is from another world, she might love you but she is ElifNur gorgeous but strong, Lovely but deadly, lifeless but true believer.
***