The ice is Black

16| Anal Haq

Let me sing a poem for you. I am loving the lyrics already as the story I was narrating you for last fifteen chapters is about to end. I want to tell you that no matter how sweet I have evolved by the end of this book I am still Life and I can be ruthless so you got to bear the ending in the upcoming chapters no matter whatever it is. May be it won’t be that bad for you to take or may be it would kill you altogether. So better you wait and read and understand...!

And oh! The poem is here:

A life, too lifeless to feel alive
A death too deadly to live

I wonder how millions of stories
vanished with the sunset

I wonder how trillions of hearts
broke with the shooting stars

I see them dying near the sea shore,
I see them sinking with the sun set

I see them breaking apart with the stars
I see them dying so well, while living
I see them living so well, while dying

Years and years passed by
I am still standing under the dark sky

I still question, is death a part of life?
Or it’s the other way round

Perhaps Life is the part of death
In a world where our ends
determine our beginings

I am still looking for the truth
In the death of emotions, In the darkness
and, in the feelings of nothingness

I fear if God can see me
Can’t He see how I shed tears?

If he resides inside my heart
Can’t He see it’s all torn apart?

If He is closer than the jugular vein
Cant He see it’s about to cease

Years and years passed by
I kept wondering to seek truth,
a drop of enlightenment,
and a discovery of the divine being
But I failed to find Him.

They all found Him
in the death, in the life,
in the sunsets, in the night sky,
in the bright sun, in the gloomy dusk

but I was still a failure at finding Him
Then I found a more realistic image,
the pragmatic side where,
I realized that this happens
when you look for things
in the wrong places

As, they say hardwork doesn’t matter
If it’s put into the wrong way
So is the ‘Force’
it’s is of no use
If exerted on a wall

And so is the ‘journey’
it won’t end
if the path is wrong

Just as that
I went to the wrong places
to find the truth, the reality
and I failed to find any clue

Truth must be seeked
in the love, in the believes,
in the passing time,
in the moments,

in the pain, in the pleasure,
in the destiny,
in the beginings,
and in the ends

It must not be seeked
in people and places,
gains, and losses
in the Sky and the earth

It must be found
in feelings, and emotions
in the morning peace
in the night serenity

And lemme tell you one thing
Truth is no material and so
it is eternal, seek it in eternity
People, places and things
are all materials of
The objects of this
materialistic world
they won’t last longer
The bodies and the objects
they use to adore them
will all vanish

The spirit inside the rigid,
filthy, lost, sinny,
and dark bodies
is closest to the Truth
The heart yearns for the truth

Do anything, anything
but don’t return this heart
and this soul deprived of truth
Seeking the truth within the heart
is the ultimate goal for all

Created for the Truth,
Man is not supposed to die
with a bunch of lies.
Imagine a coffin of lies
all back and dirty?
Would you prefer it?

Hide in the truth,
sink in the truth
Dive deep in the truth,
all white and pure

surround the heart, the soul,
and yourself with the truth.
One day you would realize
You ‘were’ and Truth ‘is’
The Truth will save you.

The Truth  // Akasious

***

Izzat Ameer and Adham Ameer reached their destination and rang the bell. A man opens the door and Adham asks about the Josh’s mother.

He let’s them in and sooner they find a good looking young Turkish woman coming towards them. She is well dressed and looking all set to go somewhere.

“Oh! Mr. Adham Ameer” there is no welcoming response. Astonishment has occupied her or may be it is something else anything but its evident on her face that Adham and his mother are not welcome there.

“Yes! You were going somewhere? Actually it’s my mother. She was really upset to hear about your son so I brought her along. Hope you don’t mind us being here without prior notice” Explains Adham trying to understand what’s going on.

How can a mother look so adorable after loosing her only child? How can she look so glamorous after a recent tragedy? While Izzat stays silent. She has a better picture of what’s going on but Adham still wants to give that lady the benefit of doubt.

“Ummm yess I and Clark are going out” says the lady.

“Oh! Mr. Clark nice to meet you. Your introduction please?” says Izzat this time with a smile, moving inside the house. An awesome personality she carries with her everywhere makes people think a hundred times before they conclude how to treat her. She walks in to the big hall totally unwelcomed but she has a ‘who cares’ attitude.

Adham silently observes what his daring mother is exactly trying to do by entering a house whose inhabitants are not at all welcoming.

“Actually lady it’s really our pleasure to have you here but for now we have to go meet our relatives and we would very much appreciate if you come at some other day” says Clark holding Lucy tight with one arm from the back giving all the expressions of posession.

“Sure we are just leaving but I guess the explanation you provided has nothing to do with your good introduction.” says Izzat sitting down on the couch placing her one leg on the other comfortably while Adham stays by the door not knowing whether to cross ways with this strangely vulgar couple or to stay there on the door.

“Well I am Clark whitaker. I am a Christian by religion and Turkish by nationality. I and Lucy love each other and we were about to get married when her adorable son and my pupil or you can say my son-to-be comitted suicide tragically and pathetically. We miss him and we are still upset about this loss.” Clark says like a robot or a news caster smoothly, and expressionlessly to get rid of his uninvited guests.

“Oh! Sad but what are your plans now?” says Izzat quite frankly, ignoring the fact that her unhospitable hosts are still standing and are not really feeling like discussing anything with her.

“Plans are simple we will still get married next month” says Clark all bold and blunt.

“Interesting. He was your pupil. You must be sad right?” says Izzat.

“Yes I was his tutor. I taught him for a very little time span but before his performance in studies could improve sadly he passed away” replies Clark.

“Alright! Mr. Clark and Miss Lucy. Nice meeting you both. Enjoy your time. May God bless the departed soul” says Izzat standing up and signals Adham to move.

“What the hell was that Yamma?” Adham finally speaks taking the driving seat.

“It is the way it is” says Izzat. Told you this man Clark is behind his death and if you are good psychologist you must have observed by his body language whether he is the killer or not” Explains Izzat challenging Adham for his professional skills.

“Indeed yamma his body language proved that he is guilty of some crime, something big which has a lot to do with whatever happened with my client” says Adham.

Izzat nods thinking about something.

“So what next?” Asks Adham after a while stopping the car at the traffic signal.
“Nothing” says Izzat.

“What? We will do nothing when we know it was not a suicide it’s murder” asks Adham.

“Indeed we will do nothing. As we can’t provide any proof and the life is gone which we could safe. The life is no more there is no point of striving for his cause anymore” replies Izzat careleslly.

It’s not Izzat speaking it’s a pure maturity of thought speaking after years of sufferings and time spent with an inner turmoil. You can expect anything like that from Izzat which is not wrong.

“But! I want to know what did Clark do with him” says Adham.

“It will bear no fruit son leave it here and focus on your job” replies Izzat.

“Yamma!” Adham speaks after a while.

“Yes?” says Izzat.

“Can I ask something?” says Adham.

“Sure?” she replies.
“Asad Ameer who was in the news days back is my father right?” says Adham. Izzat astonished and amazed at this sudden mention straightens up on her seat.

“yes” she replies hiding her anxiety while answering.

“So will he ever come to Turkey? Or will we ever go back to Palestine to see him?” Asks Adham.

“May be, no” For a moment Izzat felt Adham is six years old  again and that she is still young but twenty years... Twenty years have passed and she raised this amazing human all alone. Does Asad know how hard it was to raise a boy all alone in a foreign land? No he doesn’t he killed his own brother and now is hiding somewhere she doesn’t know. If he is not guilty of anything why doesn’t he contact them? They have moved on in their lives and are doing great wothout him better he stays away unhun not better, best. She reflects.

“Strange” Adham’s voice breaks her flow of never ending thoughts for Asad.

“What’s strange?” says Izzat.

“I haven’t spent much time with him. I don’t even know that man who is my father but you. You, Yamma... You have spent years with him. You know what Yamma?” says Adham.

“What son?” says Izzat.

“I fear” Adham speaks and stops as if he is not sure if hea has to say this or not.

“Fear what?” Izzat insists.

“Women” he replies while driving taking a rash turn.

“Women?” Izzat finds it hilarious and she almost laughs when he adds.

“I fear women Yamma when I look at you. Women are strong creatures inside. They ain’t as week as they look outside they are hipocrates” says Adham.

“Oh! Comeon Adham it’s not like that and you can not classify all women in one category not all women are hypocrites” says Izzat.

“They are...! You didn’t see Lucy right now? She lost her son whom she used to bring to me and often she used to return with him almost crying and now she lost her son and seemed so happy with Clark as if losing her son was never a problem to her” explains Adham.

“For now Clark and his presence in her life has blinded her. Men like Clark show their true colors ultimately and I am afraid Lucy will suffer sooner or later” remarks Izzat.

“Well you ignored yamma that how I related you and all the women with Lucy” says Adham chuckling.

“No, I didn’t ignore I just don’t want to say anything about it” replies Izzat.

“Very wise” says Adham.

Izzat glances at him and feels immense feeling of proud for him and despite he suffered as much as she suffered but he still looks composed, confident, believed and of course handsome.

“So, when are you leaving for Istanbul. Tomorrow?” asks Izzat.

“yes, I wanted to leave earlier but there is a client’s appointment at 10:00 PM so I’ll leave somewhere near 1:00 AM” says Adham.

“Then cancel the appointment. Is it that necessary?” says Izzat.

“Yes. I have to stick to the comitment” says Adham. He is Asad’s son how could he not be that loyal to his profession? Izzat again thinks.

Izzat looks at him again with even more proud and love to shower at him but she says nothing and the car stops infront of their cozy, sweet little home. Their home.

***
The following night Adham writes to his Ammo as a matter of routine. He writes about Josh’s death and so much more and I find it sweet that how in all those years everything changed but Adham’s affection for his Ammo remained constant. It didn’t change.
If you see all those journals he kept writing to his Ammo you will realize he grew up with his Ammo writing to him everyday and apologizing atleast once a week if not being able to write.
His hand writing and spelling improved over time but the six years old Adham and a twenty six years old Adham are still the same in love, affection and innocence.

Dear Ammo,
My life is all about chaos but it has blessed me with so much that I can never leave thanking God for that.
I was young and innocent when it took away you and Adham Ameer. Look at him who would believe that he is my father? And your brother? He is hiding somewhere like a coward. Where? Neither me nor Yamma knows about him.
You know I feel so disgusted whenever I hear about him I never introduce myself as his son infact in my professional circle I use a different name and signature to maintain my status and dignity.
I remember you used to take pride in being an Ameer and look at me I hide it from people that I am an Ameer that I am Asad Ameer’s son it’s such an embarrasement to my life.
You know one of my clients named Josh, a teenager young boy passed away few days back. I was informed he comitted suicide. I and Yamma went to his place today and it seemed like Clark, his tutor killed him that’s wat Yamma believes but she says now it doesn’t matter either he killed him or not because the life is gone and she is right.
Uptil now the case I followed and the experience I have I can tell the guy was a victim of sexual assault or something like that and Clark was the one behind it.
Look Ammo how cruel the world is and look how I was picked up from Palestine from that broken, occupied, devastated yet beautiful land. I was thrown here by fate in this safe heaven. I am blessed, I am very much blessed but I feel for the people of Palestine.
Tomorrow I am leaving for Istanbul. There is a one week conference where we will discuss different topics regarding mental health. I have few meetings there as well and I have so many of my clients from Istanbul who need a word with me.
I have become so professionaly competent that people love talking to me, meeting me and sharing tea with me. There are people from around the globe who send me emails and share their lives and problems with me. I provide them therapy and consultation sometimes as a professional other times as a human being.
I am so blessed that a large number people love me regardless of religion, cast, color and creed. I always wanted to do things for the sake of humanity and I managed to do so. I make a handsome amount for living and still I am loved for whatever I do. To target a larger audience who don’t or who can’t approach me by anyother means I have adopted writing as well. I am telling you all of this Ammo so that you may feel proud of me.
I have started writing for magazines and journals and I hope with you at my side Ammo I’ll do wonders. I dont know about Asad Ameer but there is a hidden wish to see him one last time still there is no desire to be with him again.As a son I want to see him, I want to complaint him, I want to tell him how years have separated us and how time has taken us far apart in two completely different worlds. If yamma doesn’t need him I don’t need him either.
Anyway I gotta go. It’s late already and I have to sleep as tomorrow night I am leaving for Istanbul. I won’t be able to write to you for a week. I’ll be busy never mind Ammo I’ll tell you everything once I return.
Your very own
-Adham Ameer
***
“This is what I do with people like you who keep fearing, I give them adventurous memories...” she repeats his words he once said to her back in Turkey while her throat hurts due to constant crying.
“...You remember? You once said this to me and you might be anything Hatim, anything but you never lie.” Elif stops for a while and looks upto him who has dropped his head in his arms. He has absolutely nothing to say. Finding him speechless she adds in her broken voice, her eyes shedding tears, “give me divorce”
“This will make you happy?” a moment later quite unexpectedly he asks lifting his head up, his voice loud and clear.
She nods with her wet eyes. Her tears ain’t ceasing to fall since the time she got back to senses. The tears are wetting her cheeks, her lips, her chin, her neck, her face is wet with tears and she is in the worst position ever but she still looks attractive and adorable. Well her tears deserve to fall as her sorrow is big enough.
“Stop crying Elif” he speaks after a while.
“Look at me, smile and tell me if this makes you happy? Tell me you will never regret this, tell me you will live happily without me and I won’t think a minute” Hatim’s voice is clear, eager and truthful.
Yet despite all this Elif never found him this much sad and happy at the same time, he is looking a real gentleman for the first time since she met him but then again she recalls the humiliation she felt few days ago and shuts her eyes.
The mere thought of it is painful and it hurts, every thought hurts. She opens her eyes tears have left falling, Hatim is still staring at her for a response and then she speaks,
“I’ll do better without you. With my rubix cube. I stay happy with the rubix cube alone” Elif smiles while the IV line is dripping and there is pin drop silence in the room. Tears have left falling. No one’s eyes are wet. Hatim smiles back at her with immense sadness inside him he asks,
“But can you promise one thing?”
“Sure what is it?” asks Elif. The time has gone back where they first met, where how gradually and slowly things started happening between them, how beautifully everything started and how pathetically everything is ending with the rubix cube that was once a joke, is a nightmare now.
“You will marry again with someone other than the rubix cube” he says with a wide smile and Elif laughed until her eyes shed tears again. Her laugh is still as beautiful as days ago it was for which Hatim keeps falling for again and again.
“And you will invite me on your marriage” he adds. “I want to see you happy with someone you deserve. Someone better than me” says Hatim.
She nods the words have entangled inside her throat like so many other times in all those speechless moments where she felt immense helplessness this moment dominates all the previous ones and perhaps the upcoming ones.
Without waiting for her words he says, “I Muhammad Hatim Mukhtar repudiate Elif Nur” his voice doesn’t break,
“I repudiate you” his voice breaks a little.
“I repudiate you” his voice and he himself breaks altogether but there is a problem men rarely show the damage they are facing inside them so did Hatim.
I am quite obsessed with human society and these social standards which have become social norms now. Humans have created hell for themselves on their own where expression of thought is considered weak and amature and where men are not supposed to be either weak or amature.
Now if you see a realistic side all humans know that being human men are as likely to be weak as women, they are as pron to heart break as women, they are as emotional and sensitive to love, feelings, and relations as women but no, they can’t express it because they are men.
Having said that back to Hatim I’d like to tell you all that his face has no expressions while saying everything a person like him would never like to say. He speaks as if it is the easiest thing for him to do but it is the last thing he would have wanted to do yet he did it earlier than expected, earlier than he wished.
He stands up and says the last words to her, “you will be discharged in an hour or two. I’ll complete the paper work regarding divorce and you will receive it in Turkey at your place.” he stops to see her expressions or if she would like to say anything but there is nothing, nothing left to sat.
“The driver will take you to the airport or resturant incase you want to stay here for sometime. You can stay as long as you want at my expense. Please don’t refuse this last favor I’d like to do for you.” he continues where he left and tries to say every single thing necessary to say before leaving her.
“My driver and maids would accompany you everywhere but no one either me or anyone from my family will disturb you” despite his utmost desire that she might say something, she said nothing. Her eyes were blinking and her face was expressionless and blank. He finally turns after saying everything he wanted to and without waiting for her response he rushes out of the room. Elif doesn’t know that the tornado inside her is as big as the one inside Hatim’s heart.
A love story ends here pathetically before it even started. Some beginings meet their ends unusually, and unexpectedly yet they are as real and as painful as they would have been beautiful if lasted longer.
Anyway to clear few things in this regard I met Culture, Tradition and Patriarchy. First of I’d like to give a brief introduction about them before I share our dialogue with you.
They are everywhere ruining lives, influencing lives, affecting lives and yet no one can speak against them. Patriarchy, Culture and Tradition are a group of friends, best buddies. Cuture is however elder and more powerful in terms of social norms than the other two but they all love each other.
Usually they spend time together and influence lives of people but like in every love triangle of friendship two are closer to eachother so are Culture and Tradition while Patriarchy is often put to side and is not found with them everywhere. Patriarchy is different from both it’s a social system that in collaboration with Tradition and Culture influences lives.
I went to meet them at some far side of a South Asian country the inhabitants of whivh proudly call themselves Pakistani. Yes, I chose to visit Pakistan to meet them. Tradition, Culture and Patriarchy are found there as much as they are found in India and other South Asian countries.
“Hello!” I said when I came across a good looking, colorful and adorable personality.
“Hi!” reply came as rude as the colors in its personality.
“I want to meet Culture do you know the address?” I asked standing in the middle of beautiful green land surrounded with hills and mountains.
“Yes” it replied.
“You won’t understand the address since it is not found at a place. It’s found in the dresses people wear, in the ideas they follow, in the love humans lose, in the truth they hide, in the lies they portray as customs” it explained.
“Nice speech, how do you know this much about Culture?” I asked after a while.
“Actually” it gave a mysterious smile and added “I am the culture and it’s amazing to find Life questioning about me”
“Heyaaa! Culture listen what are you doing here? We are being discussed over there so warmly” someone came running behind culture.
I raised my eye brows to question what’s going on when Culture introduced it as, Tradition.
“This is my naughty, little best friend, Tradition” says Culture.
“Oh girl friend! I so very much wanted to meet Tradition as well. Great I found you both here” I replied.
Culture rolls his eyes saying, “oh not girl friend we are just friends” and then he laughed saying, “Well we have another amazing friend too would you like to meet him?”
“Who’s that?” I asked.
“Patriarchy ofcourse” Tradition laughed in it’s girlish excitement.
“You were saying something that we are being warmly discussed somewhere?” Said Culture this time.
“Yes a guy and a girl are being killed since they were caught eloping and ofcourse it’s me behind it” said Tradition. Her excitement was painful to me she didn’t know how people are ending me up for others due to her. Is she too innocent to understand that or she doesn’t bother whatever happens to anyone? I was in my own deep thoughts when Tradition continued speaking,
“The Tradition is not all those colors people of this area portray, the results must not be ignored where we see humans killing humans for both major or minor reasons, everything is important except human life. The other day they killed a girl who was not found virgin post marriage. Things keep happening here like a husband also killed a woman because she failed to follow what he ordered, a newly wed couple was killed for love marriage, a girl comitted suicide because she was not allowed to get education and follow her life goals, her family was forcing marriage on her, a guy left home and ran away to follow his desires while his father passed away behind him...”
“Well Tradition it’s too much of talking from your side you are taking credits for everything it’s not all the time you, it’s me as well most of the times” says Culture preventing Tradition from speaking any further. I was feeling as if they don’t bother that I am present there in the discussion or it’s just a norm for them. It was pathetic to see how they were sharing credits between each other for taking lives away, for causing so much pain and distress to people.
“Uhummm” I spoke after a while.
“Oh! Sorry so why did you want to meet us?” asks Culture
“I don’t know but it’s pathetic to see that you people take me away from humans, you are one of those factors due to which humans curse me and still you are standing here proudly sharing credits with each other for ending lives? I feel devestated and your prinmary victim are women. Men are not affected by you two and Patriarchy as women are affected.” I finally threw away all my feelings on their face. I couldn’t stand their baseless conversation anymore.
“Oh! Life it’s not like that” said Culture.
“Then how’s it like?” I responded all furious.
“Guyyyyyyysssss you know... you know what happened?” there came another idiot and I already knew who’s that.
“Shhhh! Come on pati we have guests” said Tradition shutting him down. Pati? I reflected oh! a nick for Patriarchy. wowww! They were so annoying.
“Oh! I guess I know her. Have we met before?” asked Patriarchy.
I raised my eyebrows and said, “Yes we have been crossing ways at various instances where you have been ruining me for humans but we never had a word and almost everyone knows me but I don’t know many people so I keep arranging meetings to know more about individuals like you due to whom people curse me.” I explained coldly.
“Oh! Got it. Why the guest is furious?” asked Patriarchy chuckling and added, “I am sure you must be annoyed of Tradition and it’s useless gibber-gabber, right?”  he laughed.
And I reflected how does he know this much about his friend so it dawned on me that they were good friends and any discussion with them was baseless,
“Come on Life stop being cruel to us we are not as bad as you are thinking” Said Tradition.
“Explain...!” I said
“Look we exist in the society for a purpose. We might be hard on few human beings but we have pros and cons alike.” said Tradition in her soft silky, girlish tone.
“For instance?” I asked carelessly I was sure they won’t be able to satisfy me in this regard but I was wrong.
“For instance, we keep the social balance” replied Tradition and stopped for a while as if thinking to defend herself with better words.
“And?” I asked.
“And we make sure that the religious aspects may be fulfilled in the human society which make this world a better, peaceful place to live” Culture added finding out that Tradition was unable to find words.
“And?” I again questioned.
“We keep the element of respect and love constant, we keep the families united” added Patriarchy.
“But don’t you see west is doing better with a different version of you all where Patriarchy is long dead, where Traditions are only useful and not harmful, where culture is nothing but humanity?” I added.
They all laughed unanimously and took fair ten minutes to come back to their senses. “You people are unbelieveable” I looked at them in disbelief.
“You are also obsessed with west Life we atleast never expected this from you. We are more common here and indeed we have not been fair to many lives but you can not ignore our positive influence in south Asian countries.
Today you won’t find the kind of family love and affection in west as you would find here and credit goes to us ofcourse but when humans over-do us they suffer. Excess of every thing is bad, infact it’s worst so is the case with us. Like so many factors that influence you among humans we are not the reason due to which you are cursed or hated humans are the reason because we exist everywhere in west and in East but still some picked the cons only while others remained stick to the pros and at the end of the day it’s never us it’s humans”
“Do you people know Satan?” I asked.
“No” they again replied unanimously.
“Well he said the same stuff  when I met him last time. Relatable to him but convincing” I said.
Anyway I have to go back to Turkey.
“Why Turkey?”  asked Tradition.
“Actually I am following few lives these days and I am penning down a story of a Palestinian family, a Turkish girl and an Indian guy so I want to narrate everything truthfully like an eye witness” I explained them.
“oh! Good to hear that. What’s the title of your book?” asked Patriarchy.
“Not decided yet but may be it would be ‘The ice is Black’” I replied.
“Interesting can you explain how the ice is Black?” asked Patriarchy.
“No, I’ll explain in the story. Hope you will read it once I complete it” I said carelessly.
“Sure lovely” replied Culture.
“Thank you okay I gotta go” I said and vanished to never meet them in person again.
***
She lands on Ataturk International airport near midnight. There is a feeling of numbness and nothingness but anyhow she collects her luggage and turns to move out. Totally occupied by this feeling of nothingness she suddenly hits someone. Instantly she felt a jerk and a little life inside her.

“oh! Sorry” the fault is all hers but the guy immediately throws a ‘sorry’ on her standing straight next to her.

She looks at him the sadness inside her is evident on her face, in her eyes and she can’t help it. She stares him blankly for a minute when the guy asks, “Are you ok?” but Elif keeps staring him she has never seen such a combination of personality and kindness in one man all through her life. He is a well dressed, good looking, charming guy in his blue sneakers, blue jeans, white shirt and black jacket. His wrist watch catches her attention for a second when she hears him saying,

“Are you ok?” the guy is asking again as if he is some old friend and is really concerned about her wellbeing.
“Ummm. Aaah. ok? Oh! Yes, yes I am ok... I am fine” she replies confused and unknowingly.

“Okay great..!” the guy says and moves ahead satisfactorily. She turns once to see him. He is moving to the passanger lounge. He has no luggage with him may be he is there to pick someone or may be some other reasons... She starts thinking about it aimlessly but then she drags her luggage out of the airport.

Her brain which was occupied by nothingness is now more occupied by that seemingly little, baseless event. Wherever there is space it has to be filled or occupied by something that’s why they say an empty mind is Devil’s workshop.

A taxi driver stops near by her. She takes the Taxi and comands the driver to take her away. He questions, “where mam?”

“Anywhere” she replies.

“What?” he again asks in Turkish.

“I said just move. I’ll tell you the destination.” says Elif and then she murmurs I need to figure out myself where I wanna go.

“If you are a tourist I can help you” the driver says

“No I am not a tourist” she replies carelessly and starts staring outside the window.

“Alright” the driver starts moving aimlessly in Istanbul waiting for her to stop him wherever she wants.

The taxi moves aimlessly through all the major spots of Istanbul. The bosphorus bridge, the Isteqlal street, the taqsim square and then there is a huge cemetery away, away from all those colors.

No colors attract Elif. She feels like nothing. She has money, clothes, huge house and so much more but nothing brings peace to her heart.

She is now staring at the windscreen of the taxi aimlessly when she observes a sticker pasted on the right hand side. The chaos inside her brain is at it’s peak. She is unable to name it. She reads the writing on the sticker, “BlACK ICE” and here she knows that the staement is not baseless or meaningless it’s true.
She thinks it’s all true the ice is black and then she goes on thinking.  The love I was chasing had nothing to do with pleasure and it is pleasure and peace all the humans seek in love. The love is chaos so love is not what it looks like, the truth I see in everything is not true either, the reality I find in everything is as unreal, the losses I had are as much liable to be labelled as gain. At times my losses are gain to others like I lost Hatim but it’s a gain to Mrs. Naheed Mukhtar. So my losses can’t be labelled as true losses either. Everything is not just the way it looks like. There is a side of the picture unknown to me, unknown to everyone.  With those adorable, bright faces there are dark hearts, with those teary eyes there is peace inside too. Everything is an illusion so is the ice it is as black to me as it is transparent to others.

She asks the driver to stop near the cemetery.

“But it’s 3:00 AM mam it’s unsafe here” The driver is an elderly man and he seems concerned.

“Can you give me this sticker?” she says like a little child ignoring his serious concern.

“Which one?” the driver follows her gaze in the dark.

“This on the right” she points at it.
“you can take but what would you do?” the driver asks detaching it from the screen.

“I just like it” she replies. What did I just say I Like it? I still like somethinhg wow I am proud of me. She reflects as the driver hands it to her.

“Well there is nothing worth liking in it. An ice cream company once gave it to me. They were advertising their ice cream” he says.

Elif doesn’t reply and opens the door from her side.

“What wpuld you do here at this hour?” he asks again out of curiosity.

“My home is earby” she replies carelessly.

“Oh! Really I can drop you there” says the driver.

“No, I am fine I can go myself” she replies.

“Brave” the driver remarks.

“Amount? How much?” says Elif after taking a hand bag and another bag containing all her important stuff and leaving the rest of the luggage behind in the car.
The driver mentions the amount and leaves the car to hand over her luggage.
She refuses to take rest of her luggage and handsover the amount to the drive. She asks the driver to keep the remaining luggage. The driver filled with disbelief and happiness takes it all and drives away.

Now he was not as concerned about the girl as he was earlier. He got all what he wanted happiness took away the concern for her safety. It doesn’t matter for him whatever happens to the girl now.

The taxi sped away and she is standing infront of a lonely, dark cemetery which is ghastly, horrible, creepy and anything but not worth staying or wondering alone at 3:00 AM.

She stares the cemetery aimlessly, she feels like home. The place is dark, as dark as her past and it’s creepy as creepy as her nightmares, and it’s real as real as her present. She can relate to this place in every aspect and she feels like ending up. She enters the cemetery.

Her hand bag in one hand and a huge bag dragging along with the other. She really doesn’t know what is she doing there. She wants to dig her own grave and want to lay down in it on her own.

Suddenly a rough, clumsy old hand presses her shoulder. She jumps with a jerk. Fear occupies her and this is for the first time from India to Turkey after such a long time she feels alive, she felt something. This fear made her feel there is still life inside her.

"Daughter?" she hears a voice behind her and she slowly turns her neck in the dark cemetery. She stopped there for her mother, her home was now emoty so she came to cemeterey for her mother but she was still unsure if it was just her mother or her love for the grave yard that brought her here.

She used to come to Istanbul in holidays for her mother, to see her, to feel peace around her and it was hard studying in Ankara away from her. Now again she has lost peace and she wanted to talk to her mother Ceyada who died so instantly that she couldn’t get even a word with her before she passed away.

"It’s not safe here" the voice in the dark says. It’s an old man standing near her if it would have been her mother she would have said the same words she thinks and turns.

“Who’s this?” she looks up to the angle like old man in the dark dressed in white shirt and white pajamas.

“Why are you here daughter at this hour? Don’t you know it’s unsafe here?” the man asks out of fatherly affection.

“It’s safe no where” Elif replies quite annoyed of this statement. She is not interested anymore who is he and what is he doing there at this hour.

She is not interested in anything but she can carry on an aimless conversation with him to feel a twinch of life inside her.

"If you have no home come with me daughter. It’s not safe here" the old man places a gentle offer repeting his words.

"What's not safe?" asks Elif as a sense of sarcasm hits her and she feels like she want to question the exact definition of safety.

"At this hour a girl should not be here alone. At this hour the humans on roads become animals and this place, this is a graveyard not meant for living, fragile beings like you" the old man replies trying to convince her to come with him.

"But I have nothing to lose" she says.

"I also have nothing to lose" says the old man.

"Not at this hour... Humans are animals at all hours" she again adds as if her mind has stuck on that one point he mentioned earlier.

"Still daughter find an object to live. Tell me what are you looking for at this hour?"

"I am looking for the Truth... For the peace... For love... For my mother" she says and begins to sob as if she is not telling the old man instead she is making herself believe what is she looking for.

"Then come with me I’ll show you the road to truth" the old man says and Elif sees him moving ahead in graveyard. The feeling of fear has vanished and she starts following him fearlessly it doesn’t matter wherever the man takes her.

***
Two days later
20 December, 2034
Asad is ready to board for Turkey but flight is a ittle late so he sits in the passanger lounge and drops a text for Aron:

*I am moving to Turkey today*

Within fractions of seconds reply is blinking from the otherside on Asad’s screen.

Aron: Great! I am so happy for you that you finally took a decision

Asad: I hope you get your family back

Aron: Thank you

Asasd: How is your online consultation going?

Aron: It’s going great.
He is an amazing therapist...
I told him about everything, I mean everything and
he is helping me in moving on...

Asad: That’s amazing. I want to see you cheerful again. You have been through a lot and you are still doing well.

Asad: How did you find such an amazing therapist online?
Look at me I can never spend money on an online therapist...

Aron: I heard about him a lot.
In years to come he will make his mark globally.

Asad: Intersting. Where is he based in?

Aron: Turkey, Ankara.
He is in Istanbul these days...
He keeps travelling around the globe and I am anxiously waiting for his arrival in Germany
big fan..!

Asad: Woah! Cool. Man you have expressed so well about him, it has inspired me to meet him. What’s his name?

Aron: I don’t know...
he has not revealed  much about himself in public.
His signature is -AdAm though.

Asad: Adam. Nice. So his name is Adam. Right?

Aron: No, not Adam it’s AdAm.

Asad: Isn’t it the same thing? Well I’ll try getting his autograph for you

Aron: I’d be glad.
but it’s not easy to approach him.
Still someday we will meet him.
I love his ideologies and philosophies of life....
I want to tell him in person that he is amazing.

Asad: Okay man my flight is here I gotta go. TTYL...

***
Asad’s hands are shivering badly while typing and he feels more sick every passing second. Tremers and forgetting are happening more often now and he is feeling more and more helpless every passing minute.
He wants to see them before his condition worsens. He wants to feel the family life blessings and pleasure before he ends up altogether. He wants to tell them before ending up that there was no single day he spent without missing them that he loves them.
He stands up to board.
***
“So you said you will tell me the road to Truth” says Elif as she follows the old man into the graveyard.
“Yes. Just keep moving I’ll tell you a story” says the old man.
“But what about love, pleasure and peace don’t you know where to find it?” she asks almost murmuring.
“If you discover the truth you will discover them all” he replies.
“How?” she says while making her way among the graves the old man was moving as if he knew every single spot f the graveyard.
“You will know if you are seeking truth for real” says the man and stops while passing by a grave.
“Look this is my wife” he says stopping by a grave.
Elif stops by there and looks at the old man he was not looking ugly even though age had happened to him. He is looking like an angel. Angelic old man.
Elif looks at the grave and try to read the name on it. It was some name starting with the letter D but she couldn’t read the whole name when the man mentions.
“Derin Bolat. Her name is Derin Bolat. She passed away an year ago but she still lives in my heart. We talk every day. I make two cups of tea in the evening one for her ad one for me, we take lunch together, we go on morning walk everyday” he keeps on adding.
“Anyway” the old man coughs slightly.
“You have someone here too?” he asks.
“Yes” she replies.
“Who?” he again asks amazed.
“My mother. She passed away a month ago” she replies.
“So you also come to see her at midnight?” the old man asks like a child as if the entire world does this like a common practise to meet their loved ones in graveyards at midnight.
“No” she replies.
“oh! Guess you have been travelling. Come daughter you have luggage with you. You should rest at my place” he again starts moving and while moving through the graves he makes his way out of the grave yard.
They finally enter the road that goes into the jungle all dark and alone. Somewhere among the woods there is a little home where the old man lives. He takes her to his place. There were houses away from that little cozy home but the man has no neighbours.
“Come daughter sit here. Let me get you some food” says the old man as the Elif enters his place behind him.
The house is well lit and well furnsihed. It has two small rooms and a very small living room where she sits by the fire as the old man lights up the hearth. The table in the center is small and is placed on a rug. The old man sets the big cushion and a bean bag around it and hands her a warm blanket to cover herself.
He serves the rice with hot soup he has cooked earlier and asks her to eat to her fill. He sits by the table and as a matter of manners he accompanies her while eating despite he has already taken the dinner. He is such a gentle old man and there she asks, “So how did you two get along?”
“She and I met years ago in Ankara University. I was a law teacher at Ankara University and she was my student for two days. After that the schedule shuffeled and I never taught her class...” he stops but he tells this story to everyone cheerfully as if he is tellling it for the first time. Elif waited for him to speak further but on his silence she asks, “Then?”
“then we met second time in Istanbul, Isteqlal street in a resturant. She was with her family and I was with a colleague but we always had a talk like friends not student and teacher” he said and paused. Signaling her to keep eating he adds,
“and third time we met in the United Staes, New York... That was the time we knew we were destined to be together till death do us apart.” he stopped. “oh! I am sorry” says Elif .
“No need, death tried doing us apart but it couldn’t. See I go to the graveyard at midnight every day to see her. My kids insist me to return to states with them but no I can’t I burried my heart with her I feel like home here I can’t go back” the man says.
“You have kids?” she says astonished.
“Yes I and Derin had three kids. All boys. Wish I had a daughter who would have been a clear reflection of her.” he says a little disappointed.
“Years ago I was looking for truth. We met. She found me. And I...” he leaves the statement in the middle and pours some soup in her bowl. She takes it without resisting she is feeling so comfortable with this old man.
“And you?” she questions while chewing the meal.
“I found Truth. She was the Truth I was looking for.” says the old man.
“What do you mean by truth exactly? What is your philosophy of truth?” says Elif as she could relate to whatever the oldman was saying.
“Good question girl. If you are asking that you must have philosophy of your own as well” he said and paused to have her answer.
“yes I have a philosophy of my own regarding truth” she replies briefly.
“I’d love to hear” he says and adds, “But I’ll tell you mine first.” No matter what he was old man always in desperate need of a good talk with someone.
“Sure” says Elif.
“Have you heard about Abul Mughis Al- Hussain bin Mansure Al- Hallaj?” he asks.
“Heard about what?” the rice spoon she just engulfed got stuck in her throat on the strange mention of an unknown length of name so she coughs while the old man places a glass of water infront of her. As she drinks water the man repeats briefly, “Mansur Al-Hallaj? You haven’t heard right?” he says.
“No” she places the glass aside and looks at the old man.
“So listen the story daughter” he says and continues, “He was a Persian Poet. He was a mystic and taught Sufism. He is known for his famous saying, ‘I am the Truth’”
Elif thought it’s some boring historical personality but as the old man continued narrating she develops interest and gets involved in whatever he has to narrate.
“Some people called him a lunatic, others said he has gone mad in his knowledge and has claimed divinity. Mansur knew his claim would lead to his death and it ultimately did after a long period of confinement he was assasinated but he was so much engrossed in truth that he still claimed ‘I am the truth’ despite seeing the death coming. People also believe that it was not a mad claim instead it was annihiation of the ego. It’s absolute humility that there is ni being but God, no existence but one, God it’s believing that I don’t exist God exists. It’s denying your existence and accepting God’s existence as a whole. And I believe the same.” He stopped.
“But what does ‘I am the Truth’ means verbally?” again Elif asks confused.
“‘Truth’ in Arabic is called ‘Haq’. It’s one of the ninety nine names of God in Islam” he says and adds after taking few sips of the hot soup, “Sufis have a belief that God alone exists in his absolute sense and that there is no being, no existence except God’s”
He stops and casts a glance on wall clock it’s 4:00 AM now. He asks after observing her confused expressions,
“Are you getting my point daughter?”
“I don’t know may be yes” she replies still confused standing up to take the dishes to the kitchen.
“Leave it daughter you are my guest I’ll take it. You want tea or coffee?” he asks taking the dishes from her hands.
She doesn’t resist she is still in a strange state of mind and finally speaks after a long ouse quite absent mindedly, “Tea”
She recalls that cup of coffee she had with Hatim last time after her mother’s death at her place. I would never take coffee ever again she reflectss.
“Sure. You better take rest daughter while I’ll make tea for you. There is your room. Small but clean hope you like it” he says and moves to kitchen. Soon she realizes he is not that old as Derin’s sorrow might have made him. He is in his late sixties perhaps but his heart loves talking about Derin only.
“Uncle?” She speaks finally as he turns to listen to her the soup bowl fell from his had on his foot. She immediately rushed towards him as the old man sits down to collect the pieces ignoring the minor cut on his foot. Elif sits down next to him,
“Oh! So sorry uncle it happened due to me. Your foot is injured leave it. Leave it I’ll do the rest” She holds his hand gently. The old man has collected the pieces any how and he looks at her, “This foot is not hurting it’s just bleeding” he says standing up “and I’ll manage.”
“Waa... what? But I’ll make the tea Uncle. Okay?” she goes behind him into the kitchen.
“Look! Daughter when I call you daughter I mean it. I expect you to call me Father a better word instead of uncle” he says while placing the dishes.
Elif looks at a thin streak of blood appearing on his foot from a little cut and speaks, “sure Father what’s your good name?”
“Adam. My name is Adam Sabanci” he replies and starts making tea. The thin streak of blood has stopped right where it appeared.
“Father... Probably you should wash it first” she says hesitatingly while calling him father.
“Ah! right you stay here I’ll return in a minute” he says and leaves when he returns after a while she asks, “How did she did?”
“Leukemia” he replies briefly
“What does your father do?” he asks after a while as he is adding tea into the pan.
“Dead. When I was child” she replies.
“Oh! sorry. Husband? Relatives?” he again asks.
“Divorced... No relatives.” she replies clear but carelessly.
“Pathetic. I am sorry daughter” he says while pouring tea into the cups.
“So, what’s your ideology of Truth?” he says while putting the cups in the tray.
“I believe that The ice is Black” she replies as she takes the tray from his hands and moves out of the kitchen.
“What?” Adam Sabanci asks while sitting down on the cushion.
“I believe nothing in this world is real... Nothing exists in its original form. Nothing is ours... Whatever we own and whatever we disown nothing matters because nothing is the way it is.” She takes a sip of tea and adds whhile Adam stays quite.
“The truth is unknown to everyone. No one knows the reality no matter how much they claim they know the truth, that they found the truth. In real those who know, know that they know nothing... that they found nothing.” she sets the cup aside and comfortably adjusts her posture while Adam takes another sip from his cup,
“The ice that looks colorless to everyone may be a lie too. Who knows if I say that it is black? Can they deny my opinion if I only constitute the one percent or even less than that with this opinion can they still deny it? No they can’t if it’s black to me their word that it’s colorless is also questionable and that is how the difference in opinion makes me question all kinds of truth, all this reality which is illusuion, makes me question the entire world, the universe and everything inside it. It’s all illusion. The ice is Black.” she stops
and sees Adam clapping for her as she laughs at his response. A fair laugh after a long time.
“Your ideology is quite close to Anal Huq daughter” he says as he ceases to clap.
“Well I still don’t see that Anal Huq is anywhere near my ideology but you are an amzing human being father. You cheered me up” says Elif.
Well, well, well let them enjoy the cheerful discussion and it’s good to see Elif is coming back to life gradually.
I don’t know what are you thinking but I want to say I feel really great about Elif atleast she realized that the ice is black. She atleast seconds my ideology now.
I feel so sorry for Asad he is such a pure soul but he deserves nothing like that. I am hard on him but this is how it is I can do nothing to fix myself for him he will get a better version of me may be in the here after. He is still such a grateful individual I hope Izzat may treat him well when he returns Turkey.
I hope things get better between them. And oh! Adham he is being a stupid kid who knows the art of fixing and understandig everyone’s trouble but fails to understand a solution for his own. And Aron? His parents and the way he moved on is appreciable.
What I believe is Justice must prevail in this world as much as it will prevail in the hereafter according to few religions. Let’s see what happens. I gotta set up a meeting with Justice.
See ya in the next chapter let me find Justice.