Arranged | P.JM FF

30

The door shut with a prominent click, and finally solitude took over your surroundings. The rehearsal dinner had gone by with loud celebratory cheers, laughter, and masses of food that people took home as leftovers, as well as a united clean up of your and Jimins family for Mia, as she had volunteered to use her rather large back garden as the location for your rehearsal dinner - although you declined several times due to the hassle it would be for her and her family, but she never takes no for an answer.
Dot on 6 pm, you all parted ways, either going home, or driving back to your allocated hotel rooms to get a good nights sleep - or try, in your case - for the more hectic event to come tomorrow.

Though it had been hours since, every passing minute, you pondered the sweet speeches given today; particularly Jimins. The fact that he spoke on the spot warmed you immensely as you had not expected for him to do that, even after your multiple rows. The emotion to his words, the purity of his gaze towards you, the subtle relation to your current situation..made you want to hug him tight, smooshing your face in his arm till the sky grew dark.
And unfortunately, once again, you come back to hashing with yourself with the confusing task of forgiving him. However, your scale was unbalanced, biased slightly more towards the 'let's just leave this whole fight behind. I really do miss him, and it's no puzzle he misses me too. We shouldn't ruin an occasion this special for something this pathetic', there was still persistence with the 'I don't know if I fully forgive him yet, or if I should forgive him. What he did - drunk or sober - hurt too much for me to be able to open the bubble and let him back in. Unless something or someone convinces me otherwise, it's only healthy that I have closure, and think about this' side. You tell yourself you need closure, but the only 'closure' your mind could make up was this same, tearful rage inducing argument.
At this point, the words, 'I'm sorry' seemed so far away, but so close at the same time. It was becoming increasingly hard and frustrating to even be in the same room as one another without there being a deeply tense, apologetic and regretful gradient in the air. But you both knew and could agree that there was something boundlessly wrong with forgetting all the comments, the yelling, the recriminations, only on the basis of it being your wedding soon - I mean, who would lead a content life knowing the most important event of their existence took place while they gazed at each other with nothing but sorry and hurt in their eyes?
You sighed internally, pulling inward the curtains, covering the hopeful stars in the purple-pink sky.

  "Hey," that oh so familiar voice spoke up, clearly healed from the raspy, hoarse slur he had this morning, instead now sounding like sweet, raw honey harvested in the warm spring season.
"Are you okay?" His question seemed much out of the blue, but you knew his purpose was to further discuss what was said at the rehearsal dinner; the fight and his speech.
Your lips parted and a clearing of your throat came out before some unintentional stuttering, "I- yeah, yeah I'm..fine."
Hearing light footsteps come your way, you let go of the curtain gently, your arms dropping by your sides which gave Jimin the chance to take them, making you instinctively turn around. Being face to face for the first time in a while without there being any post-shouting made butterflies flap frantically in your stomach. You forgot how unrealistically clear his skin was, how plump those devils gift lips were, how prominent those collar bones were - visible with the top few buttons undone, indicating the end of a long day - and those eyes; dark, seemingly soulless, but in reality they were soft and meaningful. It was hard to look into them so you kept your gaze southward.
"Y/n," his soft hands brushed back and forth over yours, making you go completely numb, "you know I meant what I said today. I'm sorry."

  You swallowed.
'Im sorry'. There it is again.
The lie.

  You knew Jimin better than the back of your hand - which is really saying something.
He's egotistical, self-centred and self-aggrandising; if he was really sorry, he wouldn't be saying sorry. He would be showing it.
You account back to the multiple times he's said himself 'actions speak louder than words', and you're wondering why he's not taking that saying into exertion.
The most eminent reason you haven't forgiven him is because of this; even at the rehearsal dinner, he said sorry about a bajillion times, each time his tone growing more and more frustrated - excluding his speech which does tip the weighing scale towards the other side a little bit. But the only way he could feel like he really deserved to be forgiven is through a gesture - and it's just a matter of the fact.

  "Are you sure?"
He seemed taken aback, eyebrows furrowing, "What do you mean?"
You thought of how to put this in the most appropriate way possible, "You have to realise, saying something over and over again only results in it losing it's meaning. If you have something important to say, I suggest you show it."
His eyes searched about you, knowing this was some sort of subtle girl sign, but he was unable to figure it out. 
Taking clear note of his confusion, you decided to elaborate, "I know you're sorry, Jimin. And, I do forgive you," his gaze sped to your sunken face, "but at the same time I don't."
A frown covered his face; perplexed and melancholy, like a little pup. "What are you trying to say Y/n?"
"I honestly don't know..I guess it's just really hard, and I think I just need time to think this over, and you do too. I know you're not the only one at fault here. There are some true accusations on my side as well, we both know that." Your head lifted to look at his calm, yet sorrowful expression, "It's probably best, and most useful if we both just think about this for a moment" 
With a moments pause you took in his reaction; Jimin had looked down, at the same time tightening his grip on your hands in the slightest before he gulped, licked his lips, and opened them with a brief moment of silence. "You're right. We do need some time to think about this properly, and nothing should be forgiven owing to our wedding"
A tiny smile flashed on your face, thankful your minds did think alike. 

"Just know I'll always be here, waiting for you, because I love you."
"I know, Jimin"
With a small sigh from the both of you, Jimin hesitantly pulled you in for what you realised was a hug, but was accented with a kiss on your head. You felt yourself sinking into his arms, revelling from this recently rare and illicit moment you two were sharing. It's like your whole speech about 'we should take a moment to think about this' was water under the bridge; nothing could take over what you were feeling right now.
Jimin's heart was filled, calm knowing that you were finally back in his arms, regardless of wether the fight was still on or not. Nobody who could only see his exterior knew how much he craved to at least hold your hands again. It was killing him, and he knew you were right about this whole 'we should take a moment to think about this', but for once, he needed this.

  Now came the time where you two had to separate, and go back to your inducing thoughts. It was sad, really, that this hug was the only form of intimacy between you two in a while, and now that it was taken away from you again, you realised how much it physically pained you to be without it.
Deep breaths elicited from both of you, and in some way or another there was fidgeting going on, almost like a substitute for the indispensable hug; you tugged at your long sleeve, Jimin scratching the back of his neck.

"Well...um, I guess I should get my pillow out here before bed.." he spoke up.
"You're sleeping out here?"
"I don't want you to be out here again. Now, it's my turn", he said with a little, facetious chuckle, trying to lighten the mood.
Biting away at the inside of your lip, you knew if he didn't sleep on the couch, both your plans would be ruined, so you gave in, "Yeah...goodnight, Jimin"
"Goodnight Y/n"
~

*I made separate parts otherwise it would've been wayyy to long lmao.
Hope you enjoyed this somewhat?..this was kinda sad to write, oof.

Love you guys 💓